


Why Can't We Be Like That

by originalhybridlover



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternative Universe - No Island, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Felicity Smoak-centric, Miscarriage, Oliver is a bit of a jerk, Romance, Slow Burn, eventual olicity endgame, this is not a easy read for some Olicity fans so read with caution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-22 08:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6073135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originalhybridlover/pseuds/originalhybridlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Torn apart by tragedy Oliver and Felicity reconnect and discovered that real love doesn't just go away or lessen. Only strengthens if you you let it. </p>
<p>BTW, I suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic but my first Olicity fic. I hope you like it!

It had been years since Felicity Smoak had seen Oliver Queen but that didn't mean she didn't think about him from time to time despite how much she tried not to.

The truth was she thought of him more than she would admit to anyone but herself. She had loved him and there was a part of her, an important huge part of herself that will always love him. There were days when she couldn't help but think of him, when she thought of what could have been her heart aches and there's this put in her stomach and this feeling of loss she just can't shake no matter how hard she tried.

It was easier not to think about him. Not to think of what could have been if things had gone differently.

But that was easier than done when they continuously ran in the same circle of friends. And while she hadn't seen him, he often came up in discussion among their friends and family which wasn't surprising since she now worked for his family's company and was still close to his sister and his parents and one of his two best friends just happened to be her step-brother John Diggle and his other best friend Tommy was dating one of her friends, Laurel Lannce.

She knew she would run into him eventually it was inevitable after he didn't re-enlist in the army after his last two year tour but still it was a shock to see him again. She thought it would hurt less but she was wrong it hurt just as much as it did when they first ended things leaving feelings of regret coursing through her veins.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

It had been years since Oliver seen her, Felicity Smoak, the love of his life. Shortly after they had broken up, he had enlisted in the army alongside his good friend John Diggle. They had served together for a few years before Diggle had left his army days behind him and started a security company with his wife Lyla Diggle and while Diggle may have left the army he did not.

He stayed for a few more years in the army. Until now. Having chosen not to enlist again after realizing that he had been using the army as a scapegoat to run from his past. From the things he regretted, what happened between him and Felicity being at the top of the list.

He regretted ever letting her go. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that he hadn't thought about her. He knew he shouldn't that it didn't change anything but he couldn't stop himself. He asked his family and friends how she was doing? If she was well? If she was better? If she was happy?

Even if it wasn't with him he wanted her happy. That was all he ever wanted for her. After everything they'd been through..everything she been through, she deserved to be happy. She deserved more than happiness, she deserved everything.

Seeing her again for the first time in so long, it was like waking up for the first time in years, and that belief that she deserved happiness, deserved more, deserved everything only intensified along with a feeling of immense regret of not being able to be the one to give her that.

If he could he would give her everything, everything she ever wanted, all she would ever have to do is ask and he would give her the world.


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity attends a family dinner and see's Oliver for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I don't get a lot of time to write or post for that matter, not to mention that I'm working on more than one story so with that said I'll update when I can.

Felicity left work a little later than usual, knowing she was running late for the weekly dinner at her brother's. Which wouldn't be too bad if she hadn't cancelled the last three times on Diggle and Lyla but apparently Diggle and little had something important to tell them, so all their close friends were going to be there, Tommy and Laurel, Thea and Roy of course and Sara and then there was their family, her mother Donna and Andy and Carly and their little boy AJ.

She made her way up to Digg's after parking her car and made her way quickly inside the apartment complex, and making her way to the third floor. She stopped just in front of the apartment, to brush her hands over her dress, smoothing out any wrinkles and running a hand over her ponytail, making sure it wasn't out of place before knocking on the door.

A moment later it was pulled open by Digg. "Hey, I'm sorry I'm running late. I know I've been making a habit of it lately."

Don't worry about it as long as you promise not to get mad and not to use your loud voice." Said Diggle.

Felicity's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would I get mad or use my loud voice for that matter?" Her eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"

"Just promise me." Said Diggle, leveling her with his big brother look. Felicity did not like the sound of this but she knew tonight was important to Diggle and Lyla. "Fine. Just tell me already."

"I might have left out the detail that Oliver was going to be here tonight as well." Admitted Diggle.

"What?" Felicity said in surprise. "Oliver's here? Like here right now?"

"Yeah, he's in the living room with everyone else, we were just waiting on you." Diggle informed her.

Felicity opened and closed her mouth. She was so not ready for this not even close. "You-"

"No loud voice." Digg cut in quickly. "You promised no loud voice."

Felicity snapped her mouth closed, hey lips pressing in a thin line. "I see Johnny's told you Oliver's here." Said Lyla rounding the entryway, noticing the withering glare felicity was sending her husband.

Felicity turned her gaze to Lyla before registering what Lyla had said; she turned accusing eyes on Digg. "So am I the only one you didn't tell her was going to be here."

"Your the only one avoiding him." Digg pointed out. "And I didn't want you cancelling on dinner. Again might I add." He continued unapologetically.

Felicity chose to ignore the about her avoidance and instead glowered at him in response. "I wouldn't have cancelled."

"You've cancelled the last times." Reminded Lyla moving closer to the pair.

"Things have been hectic lately." Defended Felicity keeping her voice low even though she really wanted to use her loud voice. "I wouldn't have cancelled simply because I knew Oliver would be here."

Diggle leveled her with a doubtful look.

"Find I might have." Felicity relented, she had been doing really well making sure she didn't run into Oliver since he returned home but all that effort the last couple weeks was about to go down the drain. "I hate the both of you so much right now." She sighed. "Whatever you guys have to tell everyone it better be good because I'm holding you personally responsible for anything that might happen tonight."

Diggle snorted and then turned with his hand on Lyla's back at they walked back the way she had appeared.

Felicity however didn't make a move to follow then, feeling herself freeze up at the prospect of seeing Oliver again. She wondered if it was too late to make a break for it and make up an excuse about there being a work emergency but as soon as the thought popped into hey head she shook it away knowing she couldn't just take off on Digg and Lyla, not only had she missed their weekly family dinner two times already but she also knew tonight was important for Digg and Lyla and the news they wanted to share with everyone there who had been invited.

"Felicity, you okay?" Asked Digg, noticing she wasn't making a move to follow them.

"Yeah." Felicity nodded, giving him a thin smile. "Yeah, I just..." She trailed off. "Just need to prepare myself."

Digg nodded. "It'll be fine." He assured her.

Felicity nodded more to herself than him. "Okay." She whispered to herself. "Let's do this." The sooner she got this over with the better. Hopefully it wouldn't be as bad as she was imaging it would go. Best case scenario it would just be really awkward and worst case scenario, there might be some hosting, cold silence, accusations of placed blame, or possibly ignore each other all together. "Okay." She said, moving to follow them.

Digg gave her an encouraging nod before leading Lyla back toward the living room where everyone had been gathered waiting for the last guest to show.

Digg and little entered the room first and Felicity followed hesitantly beside them, stopping just inside to see Oliver in conversation with Tommy and smiling in amusement at something Tommy had said.

Her breath hitched in her throat at the sight of him, he looked just as gorgeous as she remembered but also different. His shaggy hair that she had always found ridiculous was fine replaced by a short buzz cut, and his once clean shaven face now was covered in light stubble that gave him a roguish more mature look. He was dressed in jeans and a long sleeved dark gray t-shirt that clung to his body. He was more built than she remembered. He looked good, really good. Just the sight of him brought a pang to her chest.

"Felicity, sweetheart, finally, you're here!" Felicity turned her eyes from Oliver just in time to be embraced by her mother, Donna.

Oliver looked up sharply at Donna's words and he felt his breath leave him at the sight of Felicity, standing only just a few feet from him. He watched as she was squeezed half to death in an excited loving embrace from Donna as she finally managed to detangle herself from Donna's embrace he quickly came to the realization that his dreams didn't do her any justice. She was even more beautiful than he remembered though she did look a little different, her once dark chestnut brown hair replaced with a bright shiny blonde almost honey blonde. She wore a red dress with a cut-out just above the chest, the dress hugged her curves in all the right places, stopping just above her knee showing off her amazing legs.

He unconsciously took a step toward her just as Donna stepped away from her with a smile. "Felicity."

Felicity snapped her gaze back toward him at the sound of Oliver saying her name. It was whispered like a prayer and she felt a tug deep inside her chest at just the sound. She guessed the start case scenario of him ignoring her presence or being treated to his cold silence was ruled out.

"Oliver." She said. "I heard that you had returned home. I was a little surprised to find you were home for good though." She could feel everyone's gaze on them, watching them but none of their gazes felt like Oliver's as he stared at her, the weight of his gaze was making her feel like every nerve in her body was coming to life which only got worse add he approached her stopping just in front of her. "Not that I don't want you home or that I'm not happy about it or they I wanted you to re-enlist or anything, of course I'm happy you're back home safe, of course you're welcome to return home-" she cut off abruptly mid-babble as Oliver huffed out a laugh, and she felt his hand on her shoulder giving it that familiar squeeze of reassurance whenever she rambled on and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. But despite the familiar gesture of assurance, the only thing it achieved was getting her to stop rambling and causing her to tense at his sudden touch.

Oliver felt her posture go rigid underneath his hand and he quickly retracted his hand, his face shuddering, the amused smile that had been playing at his lips disappearing and turning into a frown. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine." She tried to shake off the sudden tension she felt flowing through her system. "I just meant that is good you're home. I know how much your family has missed you."

He nodded. "And you?"

Felicity's brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Did you miss me?" Oliver clarified, watching her closely.

Felicity opened and closed her mouth, not sure how to answer, she knew the answer but admitting to it was a whole other thing and not something she was ready to do.

Luckily she didn't have to as she was saved from answering by a small voice. "Aunt Felicity!"

Felicity looked to see get nephew AJ heading straight for her; she smiled at him, scooping him up just as he reached her. He was only for so she was still able to pick him up and hoist him onto her hip. "Hey there, little man." She smiled at the boy affectionately. "Is it just me or are you getting bigger every time I see you? Hmm."

"I think it's just you." Said AJ with a nod of his head. "You should come to dinner more often."

Felicity smiled apologetically at the boy. "I know and I promise not to miss so many family dinners. Okay?"

The boy nodded, smiling. Felicity smiled back, pressing a kiss to his forehead just as his father came over and scooped him in his arms.

"He used to you being around more." Andy told her. "You're job has you pretty busy lately."

"I'll make it up to him." Said Felicity, focusing her attention on him. "What do you say, little man, you, me, arcade, movies, ice cream, this Saturday?"

"Any movie I want." The little boy grinned.

"Any movie you want." Felicity assured.

"Okay." Said the boy, smiling happily squirming out of his father's ATM and running back to his mom.

Oliver had watched her with the little boy and wasn't surprise by how close she was with AJ. "You're good with him."

Felicity's gaze returned to Oliver to see him watching her, but there was something sad in his gaze. "Thanks." She said quietly.

"Alright, let's eat." Said Sara, appearing at Felicity's side throwing an arm around her shoulder. "About time you got here."

Felicity shook her head at her but smiled as she led her into the dining room everyone else following.

"Are you okay?" Sara whispered, as they entered the dining room.

"Huh?" Felicity's forehead crinkled in confusion.

"Don't huh me." Said Sara. "You and Oliver?"

"Well it went better then I thought it would." Admitted Felicity.

"That's something." Said Sara, removing her arm from around Felicity's shoulders.

"Yeah, that's something." Felicity murmured, glancing over her shoulder to see him entering the dining room with everyone, speaking quietly and closely with Thea.

"You okay, Ollie?" Asked Thea, concern lacing her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine." It was the answer he always gave when ask that question rather it was true or not.

Thea gave him a doubtful look. "It's okay if you're not. I know how things ended between you and Felicity wasn't-"

"Thea." Oliver cut her off. "I'm fine. It was a long time ago."

"Maybe." Thea said, not reminding him it was just a few years ago. "Maybe. Doesn't mean you've moved on." Thea continued. "Why else haven't you've been able to tear your eyes off her from the moment she walked in the door."

Oliver shot her a look not needing the reminder. "Either way now that your home you and Felicity are going bf to be around each other regardless if your past or lingering feelings." Continued Thea. "We have Laurel and Tommy's wedding in just two months and I won't have it being extremely awkward so you two are just going to have to figure out how to be friends before then."

"I almost forgot how meddlesome you can be." Oliver told her.

"You should take my advice I've gotten pretty good at this relationship thing." Says Thea, she sent a smile towards Roy.

Oliver hummed. "Good for you."

Thea turned get gaze back to him narrowing her eyes. "Are you mocking me?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Speedy." Oliver said, flashing an innocent grin.

"Doubtful." Said Thea, with a playful look.

"In all seriousness though, I'm happy for you Thea." And Oliver was, he was glad his sister was happy and in the little time he'd been back he had made it a point to get to know Roy and sure the kid was rough around the edges having grown up in the Glades but he was a good kid.

Thea's playful look shifted to a soft one. "Thanks Ollie."

Everyone had filed into the dining room and began to take their seats at the large table that Diggle had bought a few years back once they started weekly family dinners. It was big enough to seat everyone including their large group tonight. Usually the family dinners only consisted of Felicity, Donna, AJ, Andy, Carly, Lyla and Diggle but tonight was special and Digg and Lyla had wanted to include their close friends.

Diggle and Lyla sat beside each other and Felicity say on his other side next to Sara and on her other side was Laurel and Tommy and on his other side sat Roy, Thea and Oliver and on his other side AJ and Carly and Andy say just between his wife and his sister-in-law Lyla.

The table had already been set and fortunately the food hadn't gone cold due to Felicity's running late.

The conversation was light as food was dished out, Donna, Laurel and Thea discussing wedding plans, Roy asking Sara how things were going at the Dojo she was working at, Diggle talking to Tommy about security measures at Verdant the club Tommy had opened, just last year. Lyla talking with Andy about his latest client he was guarding, AJ was talking his mother's ear off about his day at preschool that day.

The only ones who weren't participating in any conversation were Oliver and Felicity.

Oliver watched as his family and friends talk animatedly with one another, looking like they were enjoying not only the dinner but all the company. His eyes scanned over them all but never lingering until they reached Felicity.

He watches as she avoided joining in on the discussion, preferring to push her food around on her plate target then eat. He couldn't help but watch her but the more he did he felt his stomach twist in uncomfortable knots, there was just something so forlorn about the way she was keeping to herself now that they were all seated at the table. The way she looked steadily down at her plate, seeming to avoid all interaction, the Felicity he remembered was happy and animated and talkative, always had something to add in discussion, always so opinionated in a good way but now, as he observed her bshe was none of those things. She was reserved, quiet and there was just something sad about her in that moment.

Felicity could feel the heat of his gaze and couldn't stop herself from meeting his gaze and her breath caught in her throat because he was looking at her like he could see right through get, his blue eyes steadily on her. She felt her heart quicken as the intensity of his gaze started to overwhelm her and she quickly tore her gaze away reaching for her glass of champagne, downing it.

Oliver tore his gaze from her, downing his own drink for those few seconds when she locked gazes with him it had felt like everything else had fallen away and all that remain was her. Felicity was all that mattered. She was all that was ever going to matter.

Felicity was beginning to wonder if she was going to be able to survive this dinner. She doubted it if Oliver kept looking at her the way he was. She didn't understand how he could still have such an effect on her after all this time.

The worst part was it was hard to look at him without being reminded of what they lost. What could have been. If only things had gone differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did it seem angsty? Or do I need to work on that?
> 
> Leave a comment, kudos, any feedback is welcomed!
> 
> And if you wish to talk to me about my stories or updates you can find me on tumblr under the name olicityaddiction.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Felicity share a moment but things don't end so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I know a lot of us can use a pick me up after this past Wednesday but this chapter won't help with that. Sorry.

Dinner past easily with conversation flowing easily between almost everyone and was coming to a close much to Felicity's relief.

Diggle and Lyla stood from their chairs. "So the reason why we wanted everyone here today is..." Diggle began his hand on his wife's lower back.

"Is?" Donna said with a look of curiosity.

"Johnny and I are going to have a baby." Said Lyla with a smile, her hand reaching out to rub across Digg's torso as she leaned into him.

Felicity's eyes widened. "You're pregnant?"

"Yeah." Lyla smiled.

"Oh my God!" Donna exclaimed. "I'm gonna get another grand baby!!" Donna quickly made her way around the table and pulled Lyla into a hug. "I'm so happy!!"

Lyla smiled returning the embrace before Donna pulled back and moved forward Digg who obliged her, leaning down to accept her hug.

Andy and Carly were the next to hug them in congratulations, followed by Tommy and Laurel and Sara and then Roy and Thea.

"Fair warning I am going to spoil the heck out of this baby." Grinned Thea.

Oliver smiled as he watched everyone congratulate their friends. He was happy for them. Even if he could remember a moment similar when Felicity had told him that she was pregnant. He pushed away the pain that flared in his chest at the reminder and stood to congratulate them.

"Congratulations." He moved toward Diggle pulling his friend into a hug. "You're going to make a great father." He patted his back moving onto Lyla, hugging her gently. "And you are going to make one badass mother."

Lyla laughed. "You can count on it." She pulled away from him.

Felicity had watched everyone congratulate her brother and sister-in-law, including Oliver, she was the only one who hasn't but the moment she had heard that they were pregnant it made her think of her own pregnancy and the painful reminder sent a sharp pang to her chest and flaring throughout her being, and her eyes filled with tears she quickly blinked then away and stood from her seat and turned to Diggle tugging him down and pulling him into a hug, giving her congratulations even though it was a little belatedly. "Congratulations." She smiled, she was happy for them even if it brought up sad memories for her. "I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt again! This kid is going to be so lucky to have you for a father." She released him only to move to Lyla pulling her in for a hug. "This baby is gonna have one badass mom." She told Lyla hugging her, she pulled back. "And I'm going to be the best aunt."

"I know I see how good you are with AJ." Lyla said. "I have no doubt you'll love this child just as much as you love him."

"But you'll still love me, right?" Said little boy asked.

Felicity turned to him with a comforting smile. "Of course, I'll always love you, AJ." She moved toward him, leaning down and missing his forehead. "That won't ever change." She assured him.

The boy beamed up at her before abruptly turning to his mother. "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

Carly stared wide-eyed at her little boy not exactly ready to explain to her son the answer to that specific question. The room broke out into laughter at her dumbfounded expression.

Lyla began gathering the dishes around the table to take to the kitchen while everyone watched in perverse amusement as Carly floundered in her attempt to explain where babies come from to AJ.

"Let me do that." Felicity said. "You and Digg threw this dinner together for everyone someone should pitch in for the rest."

"Are you sure?" Asked Lyla.

"Yes." Said Felicity. "Sit, relax."

"I'll help you carry everything to the kitchen." Said Diggle already helping her gather the dishes before she could protest.

Felicity sighed. She was hoping to get a moment to herself. She followed Diggle after gathering the rest of the dishes and headed into the kitchen.

Digg had already set everything on the counter next to the sink before turning and reaching for the ones she carried and adding into the pile. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Felicity wondered, looking at him.

"Felicity. You hate doing dishes." Diggle pointed out. "And I know what you look like when your putting on a brave face for everyone."

"I..." Sometimes like right now she hated that her brother knew her so well. "I just need a moment to myself is all and I didn't want to cause a scene by leaving for a bit. This is good news for you and Lyla." She let out a deep breath. "Great news." She corrected. "I mean you're having a baby. How is that not great?" Her chest tightened and she felt tears gather in her eyes again and she did her best to ward them off. "It's not that I'm not happy for you because I am." Her voice wavered. "I promise you I am I just..."

"I know." Diggle interrupted quietly. "I know but this isn't easy for you. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child. Lyla and I, we already love our child so much. I can't imagine anything ever happening to the baby. And the fact that you and Oliver had to go through something like that..."

"Stop please..." Felicity whispered, her lip quivering. "I can't..." His words ripped through her, striking her chest, a new bout of pain slicing through her.

Diggle nodded, hating to see her in obvious emotional pain and pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. "It's okay, I understand." He released her. "Take all the time you need." He nodded at her with assurance and she smiled shakily in return.

Felicity stood still and waited until he was out of the kitchen before letting her smile drop, she let out a ragged breath and bit her lip when it began to tremble. She placed a hand to her chest as if to ward off the pain she could feel deep inside.

She moved toward the sink and began going through the motions of beginning the process of washing the dishes. She breathed shakily relieved to have a moment to herself where she didn't have to put on a smile for everyone. She cried silently to herself, one hand placed over her flat stomach as if somehow she could feel the phantom feel of where her son once grew.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver watched as Digg returned to Lyla's side. He had wanted to go check on Felicity himself but wasn't sure how she would take it, they hadn't been alone in a room since right before he left for the army and even then it wasn't a good send off, hoping he would return to her. No there had been accusations and blaming from the both of them.

Thinking of his reasons for leaving weren't easy, especially now when he realized he should have fought harder and maybe things would be different. It wouldn't change the fact that their son was gone but they could have sought comfort and solace in one another instead of allowing it to tear them apart.

He lasted only a few minutes after Diggle returned from the kitchen before he caved, silently excusing himself from a conversation with Tommy and making his way quietly into the kitchen quietly and paused in the doorway watching as her shoulders soon slightly and hearing her sniffle quietly as she focused on the task of doing the dishes. He felt his chest tighten, knowing she was crying. "Hey." He said quietly.

Felicity startled despite the soft spoken tone dropping the plate she was cleaning with a clatter into the sink causing water to splash, she whirled around hand over her heart. "Frack!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Said Oliver apologetically stepping further into the kitchen.

"Great job with that." She put a hand to her forehead realizing how that might have come out snippier then she intended. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound so snappy."

"It's okay." Oliver said, he wasn't all that concern about her snapping at him, he was more focused on her tearstained cheeks and red eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine." Answered Felicity the words coming easily, the answer she gave industrial whenever anyone asked her how she was. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You were crying." Oliver pointed out, gesturing toward her eyes.

"No, I want." She glared, turning away from him and rubbed at her eyes, wiping the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Oliver concerned.

"I said I was fine, didn't I?" Snapped Felicity, she didn't need Oliver pointing out her moment of weakness.

"Last I checked when someone cries it is not because their fine." Said Oliver, undeterred by her glare.

"Oliver!" Felicity snapped. "Just drop it." She turned away from him, going back to the dishes.

Oliver sighed watching her, being reminded of one of the reasons why they broke up. He watched the line of her back, the rigidness, the tense set of her shoulders. He pushed the wave of irritation that flowed through him at her avoidance and refusal to talk about something that had obviously upset him. "Do you want some help?"

Felicity paused, glancing over her shoulder at him and sighed internally at herself, she was coming off hardly and she didn't want that, she didn't want things to be even more complicated between Oliver and her than they already were. "Yeah, okay, sure." She took a step to the side and held out a dry dish towel to him. "I'll wash, you dry."

Oliver smiled taking the offer towel and stepping up beside her, taking the washed plate off her hands and starting to dry it, they fell into a quiet silence as they washed and dried the dishes.

Felicity could feel Oliver glancing at her every few seconds, eyes lingering than they should and she could his gaze like a weight keenly as if he was touching her, awareness rose inside her, goosebumps breaking out across her skin. "What?"

"What?" Oliver looked at her in confusion.

"Do I have something on my face?" Asked Felicity, indicating to her face with her hand.

"No, you're face is perfect." Said Oliver with a shake of his head.

"Oh." Said Felicity, surprised by the unexpected compliment. "But you're staring. Why are you staring?"

Oliver gave a small smile. "It's just this reminds me of when you used to the dishes after I cooked and I'd still end up helping out with the cleaning up process."

"That's because you hated a messy kitchen." Pointed out Felicity with an unrestrained smile. "You didn't trust me not to destroy it without your supervision to make sure it stayed in one piece." A breathy laugh escaped Oliver and his blue eyes shined like they were smiling at her. "And as I recall the dishes rarely got finished when you insisted on helping you got distracted way too easily." She could easily recall Oliver deciding the dishes could wait as he would then deposit her onto the counter and proceed to strip off every piece of clothing she wore or sometimes when he would just bend her over the counter instead.

"You were distracting." Oliver said with a grin remembering their kitchen sexcapades.

Felicity let out a laugh. "And that gave you the right to have your way with me, Queen." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, her cheeks flushed with heat.

Oliver watched as that flushed traveled from her cheeks down to her collarbone and further down underneath the fabric of her dress and he could recall vividly how far down that blush ran.

Felicity breathes quickened seeing his eyes travel down her body, she cleared her throat and Oliver's eyes snapped back to hers and she felt her heart beat faster as his eyes darkened. She unconsciously but her lip.

Oliver's eyes were instantly drawn to that lower lip caught in between her teeth and took a step toward her until the fabric of their clothes brushed against one another their chests nearly touching. "Felicity." He whispered softly, pleading almost.

Felicity swallowed thickly. She had always loved the way he said her name, like he was playing, like it was his salvation. Her eyes flickered to his, his darkened blue gaze was sucking her in and she found herself gravitating toward him, she saw the moment his eyes flickered down to her mouth then back to her gaze and held it as he moved even closer, she could feel his hot breath fanning out across her cheeks, feel the heat radiating from him. Her heart pounded in her chest, she knew he was going to kiss her, knew she shouldn't let it happen, there was just too much history between them to just pick up where they left off like nothing never happened. But knowing didn't seem enough to put a stop to it, not when every nerve in her body wanted her to reach out and pull him toward her, wanted him to wrap his arms around her, wanting to feel his body against hers.

Oliver knew he shouldn't kiss her, they honestly had issues they needed to work through, things they needed to talk about but at the moment he couldn't be bothered with that not when all he wanted to do was kiss her, feel her lips against his own, grip her by the hips, hold her against his body. When she did nothing to stop him, he moved forward those last few inches and brushed his lips against hers, feeling her sharp intake of breath as he did.

"Hey, how's it going - Whoa!"

They both jumped apart at least a foot between them at the sound of Tommy's voice turning to him with matching dear-caght-in-the-headlights expressions.

"Tommy!" Felicity exclaimed. "We were just um-" she looked to Oliver for help.

"I've got nothing." He said, he had nothing that would explain what Tommy just walked in on and anything he might come up with would be a horrible excuse that no one with half a brain would believe. He sucked at lying.

"Sure, it looked like nothing." Tommy grinned, moving toward the fridge and grabbing up two water bottles and closing it back. "Why don't you two take your time with the dishes." He grinned mischievously. "Carry on." He quickly moved out of the kitchen with a grin. He had been hoping that Felicity and Oliver would be able to work things out before his and Laurel's wedding arrived and if what he just walked in on was any indication they were well on their way to being on the road of reconciliation.

It was silent in the wake of Tommy's exit, Oliver watched Felicity as she avoided looking at him, cleaning the last dish and drying it herself and then grabbed up the clean dishes and attempted to put them on the shelf which was almost out of her reach with her having to stretch.

"Here let me." Oliver reached around her to grab the dishes from her.

"I got it." Felicity said quickly, pulling the dishes out of his reach and managed to get them on the shelf herself then turned to him. "We should -we should head back to everyone." She quickly maneuvered around him not giving him time to protest disappearing out the kitchen entryway.

Oliver groaned internally, and rubbed at his forehead, feeling a wave of annoyance not entirely sure who it was directed at, Tommy, for interrupting them at the worst time, Felicity, for always avoiding whenever she felt it conveinient for her, or himself for getting caught up in the moment.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity made sure to avoid so much as looking at Oliver for the remainder of the night even though she could feel the weight of his gaze heavily on her. She ignored Tommy's knowing grub and made sure she was always in conversation with someone.

Oliver watched Felicity pointedly avoid him the rest of the night and felt irritation bubble up inside. He decided it was Felicity he was annoyed with, not himself, not Tommy but her. She was closing herself off just like she did those years ago before he left. He didn't know why he expected things to be different because he was back when it was obvious to him now that she was determined not to allow herself to open up to him for more than a few minutes before closing herself off.

As the night died down everyone slowly began to leave, first Tommy and Laurel, and Sara followed by Thea and Roy, and Andy, Carly and AJ, leaving only Oliver, Felicity and Donna. Donna was too busy gushing over another gradbaby for her to spoil to even think about leaving at the moment.

"I'm going to head out." Felicity announced, she moved toward Digg kissing his cheek and hugging Lyla. "I'm really happy for you guys." She told them. "This kid is going to be so lucky. This child couldn't ask for better parents."

"That means a lot, Felicity." Lyla said with a soft smile. "Digg and I understand this might be hard for you, so it means a lot to us."

"It might be hard because it touches on a hard subject for me but that doesn't really matter in comparison to this life you two created, I'm glad you guys get this chance and just do you know once the baby gets here I'd be more than willing to babysit."

"I already offered." Said Donna with a grin. "I can't wait to meet the new grandbaby."

"We'll be happy to take you both up on your offers once the baby gets here." Digg assured them.

"I'll see you guys later." Felicity said, grabbing up her bag and slipping it over her shoulder.

"We expect to see you at the next family dinner, Felicity." Digg told her.

"I know I'll be sure to put it on my schedule." She told him. "Works been hectic but I won't let that interfere with family night anymore or at least I will try not to let it."

"Good." Said Donna. "We need to see you more than just in passing."

"Okay." Felicity nodded and hugged her mother bye and moved toward the door.

"I'll waking you to your car." Oliver days, he had remained silent watching Felicity exchanging goodbyes with her family, waiting for an opportunity to talk to her alone and this seemed like the opening he needed.

Felicity opened her mouth to protest but Oliver had already said quick goodbyes to her mother, Diggle and Lyla and was leading her out the door.

They asked to her car, the silence between them thick with tension, she turned to him when they reached her car. "Thanks for walking me to my car."

Oliver nodded, contemplating if he should say what was on his mind. "Look about earlier -" he began.

"Let's just forget it happened." Felicity cut him off.

"Forget it?" Oliver's jaw tightened. "You just want to further that we kissed."

"Almost kissed." Said Felicity quickly.

"A kiss is a kiss, Felicity." Said Oliver, irritation flooding through him.

"It doesn't have to mean anything." Felicity insisted. She just wanted to put it behind her and moved on.

"A kiss between us always meant something." Oliver eyes lingered on her face. "At least for me it does."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Asked Felicity then shook her head, turning away from him. "You know what? Never mind. I don't need you to answer that."

"Why do you always have to do that?" Oliver said, frustration clear in his voice.

"Do what?" Felicity felt her own frustration rising.

"Avoid things." Said Oliver. "Every time things get real or anywhere close to touching on how you're feeling you shut down."

"That's rich coming from you." Felicity laughed bitterly. "You never liked talking about your feelings, always shutting everyone out."

"Well, I'm trying now!" Oliver raised his voice.

"Well you should have done that before when it really mattered!" Snapped Felicity.

Oliver looked at her in disbelief. "You pushed me away not the other way around Felicity!"

"I was hurting. Not only did I lose my son, our son, I lost my stepfather, the man who raised me as if I was his own. You should have been there for me after the accident but you just, you shut down first. I might have pushed you away but you were shutting me out first." Felicity shook her head, trying to fight back angry tears she could feel coming on. "I needed you in what was the worst time of my life and you-" she broke off. "You tell me you're leaving for the army, that you couldn't do this, couldn't be here and you left Oliver."

Oliver watched as she blinked back tears, listening to her every word and realizing they were both at fault but him more so. She needed him and he couldn't deal so he left. It was easier than looking at her every single day and remembering what they lost. But now he knew he was wrong in leaving, that if he tried harder, been there for her more, maybe they could have gotten through it together.

Felicity swallowed, breathing deeply. "So yes, Oliver, I pushed you away but you were the one to put an end to this when you left. We can't just go back to the way things were because you're back. It doesn't work that way. We made our choices and now we have to live with them." She opened the driver side door to her car.

He wanted to reach out to her, but knew she wouldn't welcome it. "Felicity, I." He swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry."

Felicity looked back at him and she could see he meant it, his blue eyes full of remorse. "So am I." She murmured, she turned to get into her car. "We can't change things between us Oliver but I am happy you're home." With that she got in her car, closing the door before he could respond.

Oliver watched her drive away and ran a hand over his face. He wanted to fix things between them but he didn't know how. He shook his head ruefully and walked to his bike, wishing he had made different choices in the past and then maybe he and Felicity would still be together. But a whole lot of good wishing would get him, he just needed Felicity to give him any real indication that there was even the slightest hope that they could get back what they had because he wasn't ready to give up on them. That's not something he would ever be ready to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Felicity didn't come off as selfish or a bitch, its just difficult for her.
> 
> Leave your thoughts, comments, kudos, any feedback really.


	4. chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity spends time with AJ and Oliver gets some advice regarding his situation with Felicity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of a filler. And there's really not a lot of Olicity interaction. Sorry for the long wait.

Oliver hadn't seen or spoken to Felicity since the dinner at Digg's place two days ago. He kept thinking about what she said and knew she was right on some level. When she lost the baby he couldn't cope, couldn't look past his own grief and did what he did best, he shut everyone out; he didn't consider how everyone else was feeling. He hadn't even factored in the fact that she wasn't just dealing with the grief of their child but also the loss of her father. And then he bailed, he got as far away as he could so he didn't have to face it.

It took him two years to realize his mistakes, it took him almost dying after his unit got hit and he woke up in an army hospital wishing Felicity was at his bedside. After the attack before he lost consciousness the last thing he saw wasn't his parents or his sister but Felicity. And despite believing he was about to die, he was at peace because he could see her so clearly and vividly as if she was right there with him, watching over him.

Then he woke up, to army doctors and no Felicity to speak of and he had never felt so alone in his life. He spent the next year or so regretting leaving, wishing he hadn't left. He never wrote her or contacted her the entire time because he thought she deserved better. Someone who wouldn't bail on her. Someone who she could count on no matter what. And didn't believe he was capable of that.

But coming home and seeing her for the first time since he left, looking even more beautiful than he remembered, it didn't change that belief that she deserved better but it made him want to try to be that for her. He wanted to deserve her. He wanted to fix things between them but he didn't know how. And despite wanting to be better for her, he still harbored his own resentments with how she handled things herself. He knew it wasn't only him at fault.

Just remembering their exchange from the other night brought up the need to do something, making him feel restless and agitated, feeling stuck wasn't something he handled well.

It wasn't surprising he found himself at the gym, Sara and her girlfriend Nyssa apparently ran together. Sara had been happy to see him when he showed up and introduced him to her girlfriend of the last two years. Nyssa she was certainly interesting, she carried herself a certain way, was beautiful in that exotic way and she spoke like she was wiser than she should have been for someone her own age. She seemed like an old soul.

"So what's got you in one of your typical broody moods?" asked Sara just as he landed a three hour combo on the punching band he was unleashing his agitation on.

"Nothing." Answered Oliver shortly. "I just need to blow off some steam."

"Yeah, I'm not buying that." Sara shook her head unconvinced. "And I'm pretty sure I can guess what's bothering you."

Oliver gripped the punching bag, stopping in its tracks when it had been swaying from the impact of his hits and turned his head to look at her with an annoyed glare. "And what is it that you think is bothering me?"

"Felicity." She answered, leveling him with a knowing look.

Oliver floundered. "How did you -" he cut himself off abruptly. Was he really that transparent? "What makes you think it has anything to do with Felicity."

"For one, you have been all about Felicity Smoak since junior year of high school." Sara said, holding out an unopened water bottle to him. "And two, Felicity is my best friend."

Oliver accepted the water bottle, twisting the cap off, and drinking several gulps of the water before twisting the cap back on. "She told you about what happened, our argument?" Sara nodded. "Did she tell you about what what happened?"

"You mean the almost miss that Tommy walked in on?" Replied Sara, with a wry twist to her lips. "Yeah, she told me that too."

"What exactly did she have to say?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. Mostly what she already told you." Said Sara. "She was upset which is understandable, I mean with everything that happened and she was finally in a good place emotionally, it just threw her off balance."

"So you're taking her side?" Oliver asked sharply, not surprised, after all Sara and Felicity had been best friends since junior high school.

"I'm not taking anyone's side." Denied Sara. "You're both at fault for how the way things ended between you two."

"I want to fix it but I don't know how." Oliver looked away from her. "And she made it pretty clear that she doesn't think things can be changed. Not after everything. Not after I just left."

"She's right." Sara replied.

Oliver looked back to her. "I thought you weren't taking sides."

"And I'm not." Said Sara firmly. "But you can't change the choices that either of you made. You were both grieving and Felicity shouldn't have pushed your away and you shouldn't have shut everyone out."

Oliver looked away from her again, choosing to stare at the punching bag instead. "Are you saying this because of her?" Oliver asked, because it sure sounded like she was siding with Felicity.

"I'm saying this because of both of you, Ollie. I'm not gonna sugar coat you're mistakes just to make you feel better. It may seem like I'm taking her side here but I'm really not." She told him.

Oliver looked at her to see her watching him with her blue eyes that seem to know everything. "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that even though you realize the choices you've made were the wrong ones it's going to take a lot more than you saying you're sorry to fix things." Sara leveled him with a pointed look. "You left. You left when the woman you loved needed you the most. Felicity, she's angry and she has a right to be but so do you but you should have stayed. You say you want to fix things."

"I do." Said Oliver immediately. "I just, I don't know how or if it's possible."

"Then you need to prove to Felicity that you're not going anywhere and that no matter what happens you're going to be there for her. You need to show her that you're not going to leave again. And more importantly she needs to know she can trust you not to do the same thing again." Sara told him.

"How am I supposed to do that if she doesn't even want to give me a chance?" Asked Oliver.

"The Oliver I know would find a way. He wouldn't give up so easily." She told him. "Maybe you start by trying to be friends."

"Yeah?" said Oliver, looking hopeful. "That doesn't seem like too much to ask for."

"No, it doesn't." Said Sara and patted him lightly on the chest. "But you're not the only one who needs to make up for bad choices. So does Felicity. Don't let her push you away again." She brushed past him, heading toward Nyssa where the dark haired woman was instructing another female how to properly throw her entire body into a punch.

"That's easier said than done." Oliver called after her.

"Figure it out." Sara called out to him over her shoulder.

Oliver shook his head, he hadn't come here for a heart to heart with Sara but surprisingly he felt his mood had lighten afterward. He gave the punching bag one last hit before heading toward the showers.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity walked into Big Belly Burger having made plans the night before to pick him up there during the lunch hour, she spotted him sitting at a booth, drawing, Carly waiting on a nearby table. Felicity slid easily in the booth across from him. "Hey, little man, what you got there?"

"Aunt Felicity!" The boy beamed, looking up from his drawing.

Felicity grinned at him. She loved how he was always so happy to see her. "You ready for our day together?"

"Yeah." The boy nodded eagerly.

"Good, we'll get some lunch why we're here, then we'll head to the park a bit, and then I was thinking a trip to the zoo, see all the cool animals. What do you think?"

"Will there be lions? And monkeys?" Asked AJ.

"Of course. That's not all that will be there, there'll be hippo's, elephant's and tigers, even gorillas." Smiled Felicity.

"Yes! The zoo!" The boy exclaimed. "I want to go to the zoo!"

"Alright, then, the zoo it is." Felicity smiled at guys enthusiasm.

"Felicity, hey, here to pick AJ up?" Carly asked, coming to stand at their table.

"Yeah but I figured we'd get some lunch before we head out." She smiled.

"Momma, Aunt Felicity's taking me to the zoo!" AJ's face was lit with excitement.

"Oh, really, sweetie?" Carly smiled. "Well in that case I want lots of pictures."

"You should come with us, mommy." Said AJ.

"I'd love to but I have to work." She told him, running a hand affectionately over him. "But I want you to have fun, airtight."

The boy nodded. "I get you lots of pictures!"

"Good, so what do you want for lunch?" Carly asked.

"Curly fries with cheese." He answered immediately.

"Of course." Said can't. "And you, Felicity?" She turned to Felicity.

"I'll have a Big Belly Burger and a soda." Felicity answered, not needing to look at the menu, she frequented the place enough.

Felicity talked with AJ while they waited for their food, asking how his week was and listened as he talked about school, and this one little girl who liked to follow him around at playtime. "I dying r like it." Claimed AJ. "Girls have cooties."

"But I'm a girl." Said Felicity with amusement. "Does that mean you're saying I've got cooties?"

"No." Snorted AJ. "You don't count, your aunt Felicity. You're special."

"Oh really?" Felicity smiled, warm affection washing over her. "And who says so?"

"I do." Said AJ in a tone that said it was fact.

"Then I guess it must be true then, huh?" She said, eyes lit with amusement.

"Yep." The boy nodded. "Even Ollie agrees."

Felicity paused the amusement leaving her. "He does, does her?"

"Yeah, he says you're the most special person he knows. He says you're an amazing person. You're the best." The boy said.

Felicity didn't know how to respond to that but was grateful she didn't have to as Carly returned placing their food in front of them and their drinks before sliding in beside her son. "We didn't really get to talk much at dinner the other night but how are you doing?"

Felicity saw the concern written on Carly's face and knew what she was really asking. "You mean with seeing Oliver again?"

"Yeah." Admitted Carly. "I can't imagine what you must have been feeling."

"It want easy." Felicity admitted. "But I didn't expect it to be. I'm just glad he came home safely. We may not be together anymore or even friends for that matter but I'm happy he's home."

"I know." Said Carly. "Even though you were angry at him for just leaving after everything that you still worried about him."

"Yeah, well, you can't tell yourself how to feel, not really." Said Felicity, her voice tinged with sadness. "You're heart is gonna feel whatever the hell it wants to feel even though you don't want it to."

Carly gave her a sympathetic look and Felicity hated it because it bordered on pity. It was one of the reasons she preferred to only talk to Sara about Oliver. "You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"I know." Felicity said. "But I just really rather leave what happened in the past." It was easier that way.

"Okay." Said Carly in understanding. "But the offer is always there if you change your mind."

"I appreciate it." And she did, Felicity was thankful that Carly was always so understanding and supportive even if she rarely took her up on her offer to talk.

"What are you talking about?" AJ asked, looking between his mother and Felicity in innocent curiosity.

"Grown up stuff." Carly answered. "Nothing that'll interest you."

"So have you've been spending a lot of time with Oliver?" Felicity asked the little boy.

AJ nodded. "He comes here with Uncle Digg a lot."

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." Carly murmured looking past Felicity.

Felicity turned in her seat halfway, looking toward the door and sucked in a breath. She was not prepared to see Oliver again so soon after their confrontation but it seemed life had other plans as he walked in with Digg, she exhaled when he turned, locking eyes with her. She saw his eyes sudden add he turned his whole body in her direction and went to take a step forward before freezing in place.

Digg turned, spotting them and walked over, leaving Oliver to follow. "Felicity, I didn't know you be here." He greeted. "Hey Carly, AJ."

"Uncle Digg!" AJ grinned, his eyes eyes did to Oliver. "Ollie, you're here too!"

"Hey AJ." Oliver smiled at the boy.

Carly looked at the pair. "You two here for lunch I assume?"

"We are actually." Said Oliver. "But we'll get another booth. We don't want to interrupt Felicity's lunch with AJ."

Digg snorted, earning a glare from Oliver. "I'm sure, we're not interrupting."

"We're not gonna be here much longer." Said Felicity. "Just long enough to eat then AJ and I were going to head out."

"Sit with us." Said AJ, looking to Oliver and Digg with hopeful eyes.

Felicity groaned internally, hoping Oliver would say no.

"Alright." Agreed Oliver.

"We can sit somewhere else if you'd like Felicity. " said Diggle.

Felicity felt them all turning to look at her and looked to see AJ's hopeful face and signed. "No, it's fine." She said, scooting further down the booth to allow one of them on her side and was relieved when it was Diggle who slid in beside her.

Carly stood up. "I should be getting back to work." She moved allowing Oliver to take her vacated seat next to AJ. "So what can I get you two to eat?" She asked looking from Oliver to Digg and back again.

Oliver and Digg both gave their orders to Carly before she disappeared from their table only to appear a few minutes later with their food before moving onto another table.

"So what do you two have scheduled for the day? " Digg asked Felicity curiously.

"Aunt Felicity's taking me to the zoo." Said AJ, then his eyes lit up. "You should come with us. I asked mom but she said she had to work."

Felicity's eyes widened in alarmed, she hoped they said no the last thing she needed was to spend the day with Oliver.

"Sorry, we can't." Said Diggle. "I'll need to get back to work and Oliver here already has plans."

Felicity relaxed, taking a bite out of her sandwich, she chewed before swallowing. " How's Lyla doing?"

"Good, other than the morning sickness that can't seem to tell time. " Digg smiled.

"Been there." Said Felicity knowingly.

"We actually have a doctor's appointment next week." Said Digg. "We'll be doing our first ultrasound."

Felicity grinned. "I love how you say we and not Lyla."

"Well she's doing all the work when it comes to carrying the baby, it's the least I can do." Joked Digg.

"You should remember that for when she starts to have hormonal mood swings, and cravings at all hours, and cries at every little thing. " said Felicity. "Don't complain. Just do as she says."

"It'll be worth it." Said Oliver. "You'll see. When you feel the baby kick, it's unbelievable." He paused, locking eyes with Felicity. "I can't explain it other than it's one of the best feelings in the world."

Felicity looked away under the disguise of taking a drink of her soda.

"How soon is the baby going to be here?" Asked AJ, drawing all their attention.

"Not for a while, buddy." Digg told him.

"Will it be a boy?" He wondered.

"Don't know. Would you like your new cousin to be a boy?" Asked Digg with amusement.

"Well, I would have someone to play with all the time. " he mused to himself.

Felicity laughed softly. "Sounds like your mom and daddy need to give you a brother out sister."

AJ eyes widened. "They can do that?"

"Of course. They had you, didn't they?" She giggled at the little boy.

Oliver felt his lips turn up at the corners of his mouth at the sound of her familiar laugh even if she seemed to avoid looking at him or even talking to him directly or even really acknowledging his presence.

"Aunt Felicity, you're so smart!" He exclaimed, standing up in his seat. "Momma! I want a baby brother!"

Carly looked up startled in the process of taking someone's order to them, she quickly delivered the food and then quickly walked back over to their booth, giving her son her full attention. " One; sit down." She told him. "And two; what's this about a baby brother?"

"Aunt Felicity said you and Daddy can give me one." He said.

"Did she now." Said Carly turning to level accusing eyes on Felicity.

"Hey, Carly." She said innocently but managing to look adorably guilty all the same, making Oliver and Diggle laugh.

"I want one." Said AJ. "When can I get one?"

Carly looked at her son's hopeful face and then turned to Felicity. "See what you started?"

"Love you, too." Said Felicity in amusement.

Carly rolled her eyes turning back to her son. "Maybe someday, you might get a baby brother or sister but until then you'll have to settle for a baby cousin once aunt Lyla's baby gets here."

AJ sat back down with a pout. "Fine but I still want a baby brother."

Carly leveled Felicity with a look as if to say 'see what you did'.

Felicity shrugged biting into her sandwich, finishing it up just as AJ finished up his fries. "If you're finished, you ready to get out of here, AJ?"

The boy nodded, eagerly. "I can't wait to see all the different kind of animals!"

"Then let's get going then, buddy." Felicity said.

Diggle slid out of the booth and allowed her to slide it, Oliver stood as well, allowing AJ to slide out from his side of the booth.

"Alright, give me my hug." Carly said, crouching down to his level. AJ moved forward throwing his arms around his mother. Carly him a light squeeze before releasing him and kissed his forehead. "Have fun!"

"We will." Grinned AJ, stepping back and taking Felicity's hand. "I'll have him back to you later." She turned to Digg. "See you later, Digg."

"Have fun." He told her, retaking his seat and taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Bye uncle Digg." AJ says. "Bye Oliver."

"Bye AJ." Digg smiled.

"Bye, little man." Oliver said, reaching out and ruffling the boys hair and laughing when AJ swatted his hand away.

"C'mon aunt Felicity, we got to get to the zoo!" The boy tugged on her hand.

"Alright, alright." Said Felicity, fishing out the money for her meal and a tip for Carly.

Carly shook her head. "It's on the house. Spend that at the zoo."

"You sure?" Felicity questioned and Carly nodded. "Airtight, then." She pocketed the money again.

"It was good seeing you again, Felicity. "Said Oliver, he knew if he didn't say anything she would just leave without saying anything to him.

"We just saw each other a few nights ago." Replied Felicity.

"It's always good to see you." He said. "No matter if it was only a few days ago when I last saw you." He paused. "Look, I was hoping we could get together soon and talk."

"I can't." Said Felicity immediately, that was true to an extent work had been keeping her busy but even if she wasn't her answer would have been the same.

"Felicity, I just-" he sighed, running a hand over the back of his neck. "I just want to talk."

"Look, I'm going to be pretty busy but I'll get in touch with you when I have time, we'll talk then." Felicity said, knowing Oliver could be insistent when he wanted to be and just didn't want to be in this discussion longer than she had to be. She didn't wait for him to respond, walking to the door with AJ's hand in hers exiting the diner. She breathed a sigh of relief as she got AJ settled and buckled up, if she and Oliver were going to be running into each other regularly she hoped it got easier because as of right now it wasn't doing her any good. Especially not with the way Oliver was always looking at her so earnestly with that light in his eyes filled when expectant hope.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"She has no intention of calling you. " said Diggle after Felicity and AJ left.

"I know." Signed Oliver in irritation. "I know what I did was wrong but I want to make up for it."

Digg looked at him. "That's a lot to make up for..." He paused. "But Felicity, she loves you, always have, just give her time and I'm sure she'll come around."

"For talking to me or taking me back?" Asked Oliver sullenly, pushing his half eaten sandwich away.

"For talking." Said Digg. "I have no idea about the other."

"Yeah, I figured." Said Oliver than a thought occurred to him that he hadn't considered. "Has she been seeing anyone lately? Is she involved with anyone?"

"I am not answering that." Said Digg. "Oliver we're good and you're my best friend but Felicity is my sister and I'm not about to get in the middle of the problems you two have. You're gonna have to work it out on your own."

"How am I supposed to do that if she won't give me the chance to do so?" Asked Oliver, feeling ire rise in him.

Diggle leveled him with a look. "Oliver, man, that's for you to figure out."

Oliver slumped in his side of the booth. "Easier said than done." He mumbled. "Easier said than done."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity tossed her keys into the key bowl on the table before dropping onto the couch with a sigh her head tilted back. Boy was she tired.

Felicity spent five hours at the zoo with AJ then she took him to see an cartoon movie, grabbed some dinner and then went out for ice cream sundaes, before finally returning him to his parents, afterwards she met up with Sara and Nyssa at their place for some girl time before finally heading home.

AJ had kept her on her toes the whole time at the zoo, moving from one place to the other, her feet hurt from the constant walking and constantly on the move. She also noted she needed to hit the gym more because AJ had tired her out dragging her from one animal exhibit to the next.

While she adored her nephew to death she decided the next time they spend the day together, it was going to be something less exhausting, maybe an arcade or something. As of right now she just wanted to soak in the bath.

She slipped off her shoes and headed to the bathroom, running herself a hot bath, pouring some relaxing salts and bubbles before shedding her clothes and lowering herself into the bath, relaxing back in the water.

Only problem was now that she was alone her mind went to her earlier encounter with Oliver. And she hated it. She hated that he kept finding ways to invade her thoughts. Hated that no matter how hard she didn't want to think about him she still ended up doing that exact thing. And she was irrationally angry with him for it, wanting to blame him for showing up when she hadn't been expecting to see him today.

She had thought she had moved on but her inability to push him from her thoughts had her second guessing that belief. Maybe she hadn't moved on as much as she thought she had.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Tommy observed his friend sitting across from him, the music blaring from the club only muted by the closed doors of his office. He had been a little surprised when he first saw Oliver at the bar. The club hadn't been Oliver's scene for years now. He remembered the days when he and Oliver would hit the club's, hooking up with girls, out all night, drunk off their ass, ten-sheets to the wind and waking up the next day unable to remember the night before.

He doubted Oliver was there to relive their more irresponsible days which were proven right when he saw Oliver repeatedly decline the company of the women that approached him while he sat at the bar. After his friend had brushed off the fourth woman he invited him back to his office for a drink without the constant movement of club goers.

He had poured them each a shot of vodka, he had only been sipping at his drink but Oliver had knocked his back before leaning forward and pouring himself another drink. He had what Tommy called his 'Brooding Face'on. "So what's got you twisted in knots?" He wondered. "I would have thought you would be happy especially after that kiss I walked in on the other night at dinner."

Oliver was quiet for a moment, downing yet another shot before pouring him a third and leaning back against the cushions of the chair he was seated on. "After dinner that night Felicity and I got into an argument." He admitted. "She brushed the whole thing off like it didn't mean anything."

"That sucks." said Tommy giving him a sympathetic smile."Did she give a reason why?"

"Isn't it obvious." Retorted Oliver. "She hasn't forgiven me."

Tommy was quiet for a moment."What are you going to do? Just give up? That doesn't sound like the Oliver I know, not when it comes to our Smoaky."

"Of course not. I just don't know how to go about getting Felicity to forgive me."he responded, his hand tightening on his shot glass. "I can't even get her talk to me for longer than five minutes."

Tommy was quiet, watching Oliver closely. "You talk about Felicity forgiving you but have you forgiven her?"

Oliver was quiet, thinking the question over carefully in his head. "No. I don't know." Oliver sighed. "This is all very complicated... I don't know how I thought that things could be like before the accident.That Felicity and I could just go back."

"You can't but maybe you could be better." said Tommy. "But to do that you both need to forgive each other. It can't just be about Felicity forgiving you but you have to forgive her as well. Until you both have really dealt with your mistakes, your choices, I don't think you'll be able to move forward."

Oliver knew he was right but how we're they going to do that if they couldn't even talk about it. "She won't even talk to me."

"Then try harder." said Tommy. "If you and Felicity had leaned on each other more instead of shutting and pulling away from one another, you might have still been together." Tommy wasn't trying to be mean but the harsh truth usually is what got through to Oliver and he just wanted both his friends happy and they were never happier than when they were together.

Oliver was quiet, observing his friend. "When did you become such a relationship expert."

"I'm not." Said Tommy. "But Laurel, she brings out the best in me and I like to think I do the same for her. And I remember a time the same could have been said about you and Felicity."

Oliver was silent, staring down into his drink, before speaking lowly, more to himself than Tommy. "I miss her. How we used to be."

"Than fight for her." Tommy told him. "Do whatever it takes to find your way back to her."

Oliver looked at his friend. "Thanks, Tommy." he said sincerely. "I know I usually go to Digg for these kind of talks but..."

"But he's her brother and you didn't want to drag him into the middle of it." Tommy said knowingly. "But hey, how did I do?" he added jokingly. "Good enough to be your new relationship therapist?"

Oliver laughed. "Hmm...I don't know. I think I prefer Digg."

"Damn." said Tommy with mock disappointment. "I'll have to work on it some more, maybe take some lessons from Digg."

Oliver shook his head in amusement. "Seriously, though, thank you, Tommy." he said seriously.

Tommy tipped his glass at Oliver."You're welcome, buddy."

Oliver really was grateful for Tommy's input. And it had been a lot more insightful than he thought it would be. Tommy wasn't exactly what you would call a serious guy, he was full of laughs and witty jokes but surprisingly he had a pretty good perspective and he had raised some good points.

Oliver wasn't sure if he had forgiven Felicity for pushing him away but he did now he was willing to forgive her. And he only hoped that in time Felicity would be willing to do the same for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave your thoughts, comments, kudos, feedback is always welcomed.


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for spelling or grammar mistakes. Also I know nothing about the corporate world or tech speak so I apologize in advance for any inconsistencies.
> 
> I also would like to thank everyone who's commented, left kudos or subscribed to my story! It means so much to me, especially since before I started posting I've never shared my writing with anyone. So thank you!!

Felicity checked the clock noticing it was almost time for the board meeting. Mr. Queen and Walter Steele had her sitting in on meetings ever since she was promoted to the head of the IT department just a few weeks ago.

Felicity loved getting that promotion, she had worked her but off to get it based on her computer skills and computer science knowledge and not on her connections within the company. 

Her former relationship with Oliver was no secret to the company or the public. And even after their relationship ended, she still had a good relationship with the Queens. She remained close friends with Thea and retained a close relationship with both Moira Queen and her husband, Robert Queen. They invited her to all Queen functions and charity galas and once a month they insisted Felicity join them for dinner. 

Felicity had been a surprised that Robert and Moira still wanted her around after her relationship with Oliver had ended. But Robert and Moira had been insistent that she was family. That she was the mother of their grandson regardless of the fact that the baby hadn't survived.  

There were still a lot of people in the company who believed she didn't get her job because of her credentials but because of her relationship with the Queens. She knew what they thought but didn't care because she got where she was on her own merits and not her connections within the Queen family. And she had no problem proving every single one of them wrong by doing her job and doing it damn good. 

She stood from her seat, smoothing her black pencil skirt down, grabbing up her work tablet and grabbing the file she would need for the meeting and exited out of her office. She walked to the bank of elevators pressing the up button and waiting for the elevator to arrive. 

She looked up when the doors opened and sucked in a sharp breath. "Oliver?" she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Before Oliver could answer there was snickering and she took notice of the two other women in the elevator. She recongnized the brunette as Miranda, one of the biggest gossips in the business and could usually be found in the break room doing just that and Denise one of the personal assistants for one of the higher ups.

"Aren't you going to get on?" Oliver asked instead of answering the question. 

"Huh?" Felicity looked at him confusion. 

"The elevator, the doors are going to close any minute." Oliver smiled amused. 

Felicity started, remembering why she was standing in front of the elevator doors to begin with. She quickly gave her head a shake, trying to clear her thoughts and stepped into the elevator, after checking the floor number to see the top floor was already lit up and moved to the side of the elevator, ignoring the low voices of the two women as they whispered to each other trying to sneak furtive glances at her and Oliver. 

She stared up at the lit numbers as the elevator traveled up slowly. Slowly to her anyway. The whispers of the two women and the hum of the elevator the only sound as she prayed for it to go faster, doing her best to steadily avoid looking at Oliver. He was just popping up everywhere, in his defense it was his family's company but she was starting to think she had some seriously bad luck when it came to running into Oliver. 

The doors opened four floors later and the two women stepped off the elevator, glancing back at them as they did and whispering quietly to each other, the sound of Denise laughing at something Miranda had said sounding as the door closed back leaving just her and Oliver in the elevator as it once again started traveling up. 

The silence in the elevator felt stilted and filled with Awkward tension to Felicity. She pressed her mouth in a firm line to keep from saying anything. She talked a lot as it was and she didn't need to go rambling off at Oliver cause God knows what she might end up saying. 

In the end it was Oliver's voice cutting through the awkward tension filling the elevator car. "I'm meeting with my dad." 

"What?" Felicity looked at him in confusion.

"You'd ask what I was doing here." Oliver reminded her. "I'm meeting with my dad." 

"Right." said with Felicity with a stiff nod. Good God, he was making her scattered brain more like her mother. "Um, are you meeting up for lunch?"

"No, I'm supposed to be shadowing him." Oliver replied.

Felicity skipped over the fact of what Oliver shadowing Robert could mean already knowing what it meant and choosing to ignore it at the moment. "Isn't shadowing someone a all day thing?"

"I'm running late." said Oliver. 

"You're always running late." Felicity said unwittingly with a small smile. "I can't imagine that went over to well while you were in the army." 

"No, it did not." said Oliver with wry amusement. 

The elevator car fell into an awkward silence as they continued traveling up, Felicity went right back to watching the floor number progression, staring steadfastly at him in hopes it would urge it to go faster.

"Felicity, I-" Oliver began but cut off as the Elevator ding reaching the top floor, doors sliding open. 

Felicity let out a sigh of relief and walked quickly out of the elevator, heading straight for the boardroom. 

Oliver watched as she entered the boardroom without a backward glance, he shook his head and headed for his father's office, offering a polite hello to his father's assistant before walking right into his office, greeted with the sight of his father behind his desk, looking over a document. "Don't you have a board meeting?" asked Oliver. 

Robert looked up. "Weren't you supposed to be here a few hours ago?"

"I was running late." said Oliver. 

"You're always running late." said Robert, the fondness in his voice belying any chastising his words might have come across. 

"Yeah, Felicity, just said the same thing." said Oliver dryly. 

Robert had went back to scanning over the file on his desk but looked back up at the name. "Have you really spoken to her since you've gotten back?"

"No, not really but not for lack of trying, though." said Oliver.

Robert tisked and shook his head. 

"What?" asked Oliver. "I can't force her to talk with me if she doesn't want to and she's been making it clear that the less time she spends in my presence the better." 

"Nothing worth having ever comes easy, son." said Robert. 

Oliver didn't really feel like talking about his relationship with Felicity or the lack of one with his father. It just felt awkward to talk to his father about it. "Don't you have a meeting."

"We have a meeting." Robert corrected, standing from his chair and grabbing up the files he was going over on his desk and walked around his desk. "And I expect you to pay attention, if you're serious about shadowing me than you need to pay attention, listen carefully and don't be nervous about voicing your opinions." 

Oliver didn't say anything but nodded in affirmation, following him out of his office and toward the board room. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity entered the boardroom to see a lot of the heads of departments already seated awaiting for the arrival of Robert Queen. She saw Walter at his usual chair and took her usual seat beside him. 

"Hello, Ms. Smoak." Walter greeted with a kind smile. 

"Mr. Steele." Felicity returned. She had always like Walter Steele, he was always kind to her and one of the few who believed she got to where she was because of what she could do with a computer and a wifi connection and her intelligence. "How are you?"

"I am good." he answered. "And you, how are you?"

"I doing fine." she assured. She talked with Walter for a few more minutes but she looked up when the boardroom door opened again with Mr. Queen entering the room, Oliver following close behind him. 

She watched as Oliver took a seat across from Walter and next to his father. When they locked gazes she looked away immediately just as Robert began speaking with the head of applied Science about their latest projects and their progress. 

And as unprofessional as it was she found her self unconsciously tuning them out and instead, watching Oliver as he seemed to actually be paying attention to what was being said but the more he listened it seemed the more the intent concentrated look on his face became more confused and lost. 

Oliver tried to listened, honestly he did but a lot of what the head of applied Science said was making no sense to him. He was thankful when his father moved on and began talking with the head of the PR department that was a bit easier to follow and understand at least it was until he gave in to the urge to look at Felicity only to find her already staring back at him. He assumed she would immediately look away after having been caught staring, but she didn't, not this time. She kept her gaze steady on his. 

Felicity watched him, trying to figure out why he was there. Why he was shadowing his dad. He had never wanted to take over the company, she could remember clearly when they were applying for colleges in the last year of high school that he didn't want anything to do with the corporate world. It wasn't for him. But yet hear he was, preparing himself for that exact thing.

Oliver felt the weight of her gaze, like an x-ray seeing through him and seeing what made him tick. He shifted in his seat from being under her scrutiny, she had always been able to see through him without even trying and he felt like she was still able to do that. His father's voice and the head of PR's faded as he stared back at her unflinchingly, letting her see in him whatever she was searching for with her intent observation of him. 

Felicity didn't know long how long she had been staring at Oliver trying to find the answers to her questions when she felt a hand land on her arm, she jumped with a start, whirling around and coming face to face with an amused looking Walter, who shook his head with a silent chuckle looking between her Oliver. No longer looking at Oliver and caught in his intense blue gaze she realized the room had fallen silent and glanced around the room to see everyone staring at her expectantly, her cheeks flaring with heat in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch what was last said." she admitted, the embarrassed flushed spreading from her cheeks and down her neck. 

"I asked about the new Fire Wall you had implemented and its effectiveness." said Robert, his words not annoyed at her lack of paying attention but filled with fondness. 

"Right, the the new Firewall algorithm and data structure, I worked up." said Felicity, still trying to get her mind to focus, she saw Oliver laughing silently. With his eyes. They were bright and suddenly filled with mirth, his lips tick up into an amused smile and she had half the mind to throw Walter's pen at him. Her thought had been her tablet but she quickly nixed that idea, her tablet didn't deserve to be treated so poorly. She fought the urge down and instead stent him a glare. "The code I written up was a fairly complicated one but implimented correctly, I assure you it is very effective and has been running smoothly."

"And you're other projects?" inquired Walter. "How are they coming along?"

 Felicity answered his question efficiently telling him about the ones that were just finished and the ones that were still a work in progress. 

Shortly after discussing that Mr. Queen moved onto stock prices and numbers and rates, how the company was fairing and progressing. There were discussions about new proposals and deals. There was a merger proposal on the table with Palmer Technogies that would further the company but nothing had been set in stone. The CEO, Ray Palmer, would be stopping by in a few weeks so they could discuss it more and see rather or not they would decide to go further with the merger or not as of now nothing was currently set in stone on the matter. 

Sevearal board members began discussing the pros and cons of a merger and that discussion went on for almost half an hour before Mr. Queen called an end to the meeting. Felicity stood to leave along with everyone else as broad members and head of departments began to file out of the room but was stopped by Mr. Queen. "If you wouldn't mind staying a little longer." He requested. 

Felicity paused but nodded. "Of course." she said and took her seat again. She silently wondered if he was going to berade her for not having pay full attention throughout the whole meeting. She glanced at Oliver to see him, giving his father looks of confusion. 

Walter was the last leave after bidding them each a goodbye with a friendly smile, shuffling out of the room, leaving just Felicity, Oliver and Mr. Queen. 

Felicity shifted her seat suddenly feeling like she was in a room with a relationship therapist which was completely unfounded seeing as it was just Oliver's father a man she knew well, who openly admitted countless times he saw her as a second daughter regardless of the fact that she was no longer involved with his son. "Mr. Queen, I'm sorry about earlier, my head was elsewhere. I promise it won't happen again." 

"It's fine, Felicity, you don't need to apogoize." Robert waved her apology off. "And what have I told you about the Mr. Queen stuff if we're no longer in an official meeting, when just with family and friends, I want you to call me Robert."

"Right, sorry, Robert." said Felicity, she looked at Oliver who was watching their exchange with curiosity. "I'm just feeling out of sorts." 

"That's completely understandable." said Robert. "Oliver tells me you haven't really had a chance to talk since he got back."

"Dad." said Oliver, he didn't need his father meddling. He didn't want things to be worser than they already were and they probably would be if Felicity thought he was trying to use his dad to his advantage and force her hand to talk to him. He didn't need Felicity thinking that, having another reason to be upset with him. 

"Well, I uh, we.." Felicity stumbled over her words unsure of how to respond. "I've been busy." She mumbled.

"You should join us for lunch." Suggested Robert."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Felicity." Said Oliver quick to reassure her, shooting his dad a glare.

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind joining us for lunch." Said Robert turning to Felicity. "Right, Felicity?"

Felicity looked between the two men feeling stuck. On one hand she did not look forward to spending anytime with Oliver that was longer than five minutes and on the other hand she didn't want to disrespect Robert, someone who she respected and saw regularly outside of work. "I can do lunch." She said after a long moment, sighing internally.

"Great." Said Robert. "I just heard about this new iItalian Cafe that has an excellent lunch menu. I'll make the reservations and you can meet us there in an hour."

"Sounds like a plan." Said Felicity, standing from her seat as she gathered up her tablet.

"It's over on Paseo and Terrence on 21st street." Robert told her.

"Great. See you there." Said Felicity and quickly exited the board room and walking quickly to the elevator. When the elevator doors opened back onto her floor only one thing was flowing through Felicity's mind.

What did I just get myself into?

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver stared at his father with a questioning gaze. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Having lunch with my son and a young woman I've come to think as a daughter." Answered Robert with an innocent smile. "There's no harm in that, is there?

"That depends are you planning on meddling in something that you shouldn't?" Asked Oliver pointedly. He knew his father meant well but he didn't need things between him and Felicity worse than they already were. He had his work cut out for him enough already with Felicity as it was.

"Define meddle."Said Robert earning himself another glare from his son. "I'm just giving you the opportunity to talk about some things, maybe make a little head way in cleaning up the mess you two created."

Oliver was quiet a moment before heaving a sigh. "If this ends up being a huge disaster I'm completely blaming you."

"And when it doesn't turn out a complete disaster and in fact helps your situation with Felicity I retain the right to'meddle' as you so eloquently put it as I see fit." Said Robert, looking rather pleased with himself.

Oliver shook his head in disagreement. "Yeah, that won't be happening."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity parked her car across the street from the place he told her about, it was just a little over a twenty minute drive from the office. It was near the beach on the pier, it was a quaint building, with old stoned brick work, warm mahogany colors on the outside, tall windows, sliding doors and a wrap around deck, there were open tables outdoors for patrons who wanted to enjoy their meals outdoors on the patio.

Felicity sat in her car for a good couple minutes even though she had already recognized the parked town car that belong to the Queen's. She used those few minutes to compose herself and mentally and emotionally prepare herself for spending a half hour with just Mr. Queen as a buffer between her and Oliver should things take a sour turn like they did the other night.

When she felt she was ready, she exited her car and made her way across the street inside the Italian Cafe, it look as welcoming inside as it did outside with rich brown walls and matching table, Italian landscapes covering the wall decoratively. She scanned the room, noticing that business must have been going well for the newly opened cafe as there were multiple customers seated around at tables, seeming to be enjoying themselves as soft music played throughout the cafe loud enough to be heard and low enough where it didn't disturb anyone. Her eyes finally settled on a table near the back that had more privacy than others near the back wall not as out in the open as the rest of the tables. It was like it had been designed specifically for more privacy then any of the other seated tables. And seated at the table were Robert and Oliver sitting across from each other. With Oliver facing her way and Robert's back toward her, there were two more opened seats, one next to each of them.

She walked toward them. "Hey." She greeted, taking a seat in the free chair on Robert's side. "Sorry about being a few minutes late."

"What's a few minutes." Robert waved off. "We were just about to order. Why don't you take a look at the menu?"

Felicity took the offered menu, looking it over. "How's Moira? I haven't seen her in almost two weeks."

"She's good." Said Robert. "She's been busy planning a charity gala for the cities finest, QC will be funding the event."

Oliver looked between the two watching their easy conversation. Felicity had gotten on well with his parents when she first met them and in time they had come to think of her as a daughter. He was glad that hadn't changed.

"I'm sure once the planning is finished she'll be roping you into attending with the family." Robert continued knowingly.

"It's for a good cause." She set the menu down having deciding what she would like to order. "I wouldn't be opposed to attending."

"I'll be sure to pass it along." Grinned Robert. "I'm sure Moira will be pleased that she won't have to resort to other measures to get you to attend the event."

"You know, this is the first time I'm hearing of the event." Oliver spoke up. 

"Really?" Felicity looked up in surprise. "This'll be the third year in a row that your mother planned this charity gala. But then again she plans a lot of charity galas but also holiday parties and company event parties." Felicity paused. "Huh? Come to think of it your mother sure likes to plan parties, maybe she missed her calling as an event planner." She mused, talking more to herself now than Oliver.

Oliver tilted his head, mild amusement written on his face. He had almost forgotten how much he loved to hear her rambling.

Felicity looked up to see both Queen men looking at her. "What?"

"Nothing." Oliver shook his head. "Just forgot about how much I missed hearing you ramble."

Felicity felt her chest tightened when he mention missing something about her. She fell silent as she looked back at him

Robert looked between the two, hearing the tense silence, trying to figure just how much work they had cut out for them before they could reach a real reconciliation.

"Are you ready to make your order?" The waiter for their table's voice cut through the sudden silence.

"Yes." Said Felicity quickly tearing her eyes from Oliver and placed her order.

Robert gave the menu one more quick over before making his order, the waiter wrote down their orders before looking expectantly to Oliver who had yet to tear his gaze from Felicity. "And you sir?" He asked.

Oliver finally managed to look away from Felicity. "I'm sorry?" His brow furrowed in confusion.

"What will you be ordering, sir?" The waiter repeated patiently.

Oliver cleared his throat realizing his distraction and quickly gave his order.

Robert phone pinged and he was quick to check it. "I'll take my food to go." he told their server just as the waiter was about to move away from their table, he nodded before moving on.

"Is something wrong?" asked Oliver.

"No, I'm just needed back at office." answered Robert.

"Then I'll get my food to go as well." said Oliver, moving to stand up.

"No, don't." Robert waved him off. "Stay, enjoy lunch." 

"But I'm supposed to be shadowing you." he protested. 

"If that's the case I'll see you back at the office." said Felicity, moving to stand thinking she just might have gotten out of this lunch after all.

"No, both of you stay." Robert said firmly, standing just as the server returned setting their orders down. "Enjoy lunch. Oliver, I'll see you back at the office. Felicity, can give you him ride back to the office." Robert didn't wait fora reply, he grabbed his food to go and exited the cafe. 

"Well, that wasn't subtle at all." said Felicity dryly.

"Look, I swear, I didn't put him up to this." swore Oliver.

Felicity watched his face for any signs that he was lying. She had always been able to tell when he was lying, when she found none she sighed. "Let's just eat and then I'll drive us back to the office."

It was Oliver's turn to sigh. "Is this how it's going to be between us now, Felicity?" 

"Oliver, I don't know what you want from me." Felicity frowned at him. "You can't expect things to be like they were."

"I know that but we were friends once, weren't we?" asked Oliver. "Can't we just try and be friends again?"

"Oliver." Felicity shook her head. "I don't see that being a possibility." 

Oliver frowned, the muscle in his jaw tick. "Why? It's like I'm the only one trying here."

"I'm not trying to be difficult here or spiteful, Oliver." she said, shaking her head sadly. "We haven't been just friends for a very long time. I just think there's too much history between us for the possibility of something as simple as friendship for us."

"I know we have history. That we have unresolved issues but I still want to be able to at least be friends." Oliver looked at her searchingly. "I still want you in my life. I know we can't be what we were. You made it pretty clear you don't want that but that doesn't mean we can't be friends."

"Oliver." Felicity shook her head in protest. "I don't think we're capable of being just friends."

"How can you know if you won't even try?" Oliver insisted. "Look I know we have our problems but rather if we're friends or not we'll be seeing a lot of each other. I'm best friends with your brother. Your close to my sister and my parents, my other best friend is marrying your best friends sister, our lives or entertwined rather if were in a relationship or not. Rather if we're friends or not. And I think at the end of the day our history shouldn't be the reason we don't try to at least be friends, I think it's the reason we owe it to ourselves to do so." 

Felicity found herself taken in by his impassioned speech. "If I agree to this I'm not promising anything." 

Oliver nodded. "All I'm asking is that you try." 

"And I don't want to talk about the past." insisted Felicity.

Oliver hesitated. That defeated the purpose of his suggestion to be friends. He had hoped that in time, when Felicity was comfortable with him again that they could talk more about the choices they made and hopefully come to a reconciliation and start to heal their fractured relationship. 

"I mean it, Oliver." said Felicity noticing his hesitation. 

"Alright." sighed Oliver. "We won't talk about it." He would just have to be sneaky about it and hopefully she won't catch on until he actually made some leeway with their situation. 

Felicity was quiet for a moment before replying. "Okay, we'll give this friend thing a try." 

"Thank you." Oliver said, offering her an almost timid smile. 

Felicity returned it hesitantly before taking a bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly before swallowing. "So what brought on the decision to start shadowing your father. As I recall you never wanted to take over the company."

Oliver swallowed his own bite of food he just taken before answering. "I didn't." he still didn't want to but he figured by working for the company, he would find more opportunities to spend with Felicity. Was it selfish? Yes. Completely. But he didn't care. What he cared about was Felicity, he needed to fix his mistakes. It's why he came home. "But things have change and my dad's getting older, someone will need to take over in a few years and hopefully by that time I'll be ready to take over."

"Hence the shadowing." Felicity nodded. "I'm sure you'll do fine, once you set you're mind to something you don't let anything else get in your way."

"I've been taking night courses at Starling University, majoring in business." Oliver told her.

"That's great." Felicity smiled genuinely. "How's that going?"

Oliver chuckled. "Let's just say I found leading my unit through a firefight easier than these night classes I'm taking."

"I'm sure when its all said and done you'll do well." Felicity encouraged and Oliver smiled gratefully.

If this had been them a few years ago she would have offered to help him study but they had just agreed to try to be friends and she wasn't ready to make that kind of offer. That would mean spending an indefinite amount of time with Oliver and she wasn't prepared to do that just yet but maybe in time she would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to create a new Tumblr account. Olicity-klaroline-addiction is my new Tumblr if anyone's interested.
> 
> And as for the latest chapter, comments, kudos, and your thoughts are very much appreciated!


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been months since I've updated this story. I'm sorry. I suck.
> 
> I've got a bit of a writer's block with this story. I know what i want to do with it and where I want to take it. It's the getting there that's giving me trouble. Anyway, i'm hoping to push through this writer block. 
> 
> i don't know much about wedding planning or anything that goes along with that so I apologize for any inconsistencies.
> 
> And one more thing, I would like to thank every whoseleft kudos, comments, subscribed or bookmarked. So THANK YOU!

Felicity glanced around at the high-end bridal store fighting the urge to take off her heels and rubbing at her aching feet. Laurel had dragged her, Sara, Thea, Lyla and Carly first thing at Eight in the morning all around Starling City most popular boutique's and bridal stores, looking for the perfect dress for herself and her bridesmaids.

Felicity thought Laurel was cutting it little close, the wedding was only a month and two weeks away. But then again she had Tommy handling the decision on the catering so maybe she knew how close she was cutting it otherwise she figured Laurel would be making that decision as well.

"Felicity." Thea said sternly, stepping out of the changing room in a lavender dress, off, the shoulder with a flowing skirt. "You're supposed to be trying on dresses with the rest of us."

"I was for the last four hours and now I'm not." Said Felicity. "At this point I much rather be helping Tommy and Oliver out with the catering tastings than dress shopping. We been at this for hours."

"How do you expect to find a dress if you're not trying to find a dress?" Exclaimed Thea as she looked at herself in the dress in the floor length mirror. "What do you think?"

"You can do better." Felicity shook her head at the dress. "I figured I let all of you pick the dresses and I'll just go with it."

Thea snorted. "That sounds like your being lazy."

"Hey, we've been shopping for dresses for hours! " protested Felicity.

Just then Lyla stepped out of one of the changing rooms in a purple and black lace dress with an open back. "You're going to get your ass off of that chair and try on more dresses, Felicity." She demanded.

"I don't want to." Felicity pouted.

"Neither do I but if the pregnant lady has to be subjected to this form of torture than so does her sister-in-law. So browse the damn dresses and get your ass in a damn changing stall." She ordered, disappearing back into the changing room.

"You heard the pregnant lady." Smirked Thea.

Felicity grumbled underneath her breath before pushing herself back to her feet and walking over to a rack of beautiful bridesmaids dresses, and browsing through them, looking for something she might like.

"You better be looking for a dress, Felicity." Called Laurel from one of the changing stalls. "Because there's no way we're not choosing the dresses for the wedding today. I don't care if it takes all day."

Just the thought of literally spending all day dress shopping when it was already almost noon had her eyes widening in dread. And she could only hope that it wouldn't come to that because if it did she might actually have to do something like gouge out her eyes.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Is this really for the wedding cause I'm starting to think it's an excuse to eat a bunch of five-star meals?" Wondered Oliver as he watch Tommy take a bite from one of the many plates placed in from him by the head chef at the restaurant they were currently at.

"Yes but I definitely don't mind being the taste ginuea pig." Grinned Tommy.

"Yeah, I can see that." Said Oliver in amusement.

Tommy pushed one of the plates toward him. "And your supposed to be helping me with that."

"And hear I thought you brought me for my pretty face." Joked Oliver.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ollie." Tommy grinned. "That's what my face is for, you're here to do my bidding as a best man should."

Oliver snorted. "I think I lost the memo on that one."

"You definitely did." Agreed Tommy immediately. "But I have no problem informing you that whatever the groom says goes. So whatever I want I get."

"I thought that was the bride." Said Oliver, brow furrowed in mock confusion.

"Nope, I think you have it wrong, it's definitely the groom." Insisted Tommy with a look of total serious before he lost his composure a grin full of mischief breaking through.

"Your full of crap, you know that?" Oliver laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

Tommy laughed with him, glad to see Oliver seem to be happier than he usually was. "I take it you and Felicity are getting along better."

Oliver's brow furrowed in honest confusion, not sure where that remark came from. It seemed so out of the blue. For one, they hadn't even been talking about Felicity. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen you actually smile and laugh in far too long." Said Tommy growing serious "You can correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to actually be enjoying yourself."

"I am." Admitted Oliver. "But what does Felicity have to do with that?"

"Since you got back even before then you heven't been happy not since you and Felicity fell apart. When you came with me today I was expecting a broody Oliver." Tommy said then added. "Well more broody. So I'm just assuming you've made some progress with her."

"We've settled on trying to be friends." Said Oliver. "So she's at least talking to me so there's that..." he trailed off, his eyes narrowing into a glare when he saw Tommy chuckling to himself. "Are you laughing at me right now?"

"I'm sorry." Tommy made an attempt to stop laughing waving a fork all over the place and failing miserably. "It's just you and Felicity as just friends, I can't picture it."

"Well, it's happening." Grunted Oliver annoyed with Tommy finding amusement in his problems. "I have to start somewhere, I'm hoping in time, hopefully, she'll be willing to talk things through."

Tommy sobered up quickly at his friends seriousness. "Good." Said Tommy. "The two of you belong together. Nothing that has happened will ever change that."

"So why didn't Laurel come with you for this?" Oliver asked, quickly changing the subject, wanting to be done with the topic.

"She's on the hunt for her dress and drag the rest of the girls with her to find their dresses." Tommy shrugged. "It's probably going to be a all day kind of thing."

"Good thing you got your tux already then." Said Oliver.

Tommy agreed, taking a bite out of a different plate and then shook his head.

"What?" Asked Oliver. "Not good?"

Tommy swallowed and reached for his glass of champagne, taking a drink and setting it back on the table. "It's not that. The food is actually really good. It's just kind of hit me that I'm really getting married in less than two months."

"Not getting cold feet, are you?" Asked Oliver curiously. He hoped his friend wasn't, he was pretty sure Laurel would kill him if that were the case.

"No." Tommy denied without missing a beat. "I love Laurel and want to spend the rest of my life with her. It's just I always thought out of the two of us you would of been the first to get married."

Oliver's gaze fell to the table at his words, they were a harsh reminder of everything he had come so close to having.

"It took years for Laurel and I to get our act together and that didn't happen tell college but you and Felicity, the two of you always chose each other, you were that cliché high school sweetheart couple that everyone knew would end up getting married, having kids, growing old together." Tommy continued earnestly. "It was always supposed to be you and Felicity."

"I guess some things just don't work out the way we want them to." Oliver muttered, shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

"Aw, shit." Said Tommy, realizing what he said couldn't be making his friend feel good. He didn't need a reminder of how things hadn't worked out for him and Felicity, he was living it for Christ sakes. "I'm sorry, Ollie. Let's move onto something else. How's shadowing your dad at QC going?"

Oliver accepted the topic change immediately. "Ugh, honestly, it's everything I always dreaded it to be, you were right not to go into the family business." But while he wasn't really happy shadowing his dad, he got to see Felicity at the meetings and they were finally talking and that more than made up for it.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity watched as Lyla tore into fries smothered in cheese and pickles with amusement. When noon finally rolled around Laurel agreed to take a break long enough to get lunch. "Is it that good?" She teased.

"Don't poke fun." Lyla shook a fry at her. "I'm starving and I'm eating for two."

"I was just teasing." Felicity grinned popping her own fry into her mouth dipped in ketchup.

"Speaking of the baby." Thea grinned. "I was thinking about going and buying the baby a few things but I wanted to make sure you were okay with it." 

"And if I wasn't?" Asked Lyla, sure that the younger Queen would just go ahead and do whatever she wanted.

"I would still go shopping." Thea shrugged. "Me asking is more of a courtesy."

Lyla rolled her eyes. "Alright, just don't go overboard."

"Isn't it a little early to go shopping?" She asked Laurel then paused turning to Lyla. "Just how far along are you? Do you know the sex yet?"

"Just a little over two months." Answered Lyla. "And no we don't know the sex yet."

"Are you going to choose to find out or do you want to keep it a surprise?" Wondered Laurel.

"Johnny and I haven't really discussed it." She admitted.

"You're be able to better prepare for it if you knew the sex." Commented Carly. "I know it was easier for Andy and I because we knew AJ was a boy."

"I think it would be nice if it was a surprise." insisted Laurel.

"But that's no fun." Complained Thea. "How am I supposed know to buy for a girl or a boy? I suppose I could always buy for both. Actually that sounds like a good idea, it means more shopping."

"No." Said Lyla firmly, waving a french fry at her. "That is not happening."

"What do you think Felicity?" Asked Sara, who had stayed mostly quiet during the discussion of baby sex. "Personally, I'm partial to either."

Felicity looked up from her food having remained quiet throughout the baby gender talk and saw all of her friends looking at her expectantly for her opinion on the matter and felt like a deer caught in the headlights as tension suddenly filled throughout her.

Felicity pondered the question quietly. Not sure how to answer. Okay, that wasn't true, she knew how to answer but it would be negative and cynical. Sure waiting tell the baby was born to find out was a nice notion but what if something happened before than. What if God forbid something happened and Lyla lost the baby and if she lost it in the really early stages she would never know if she had a daughter or a son.

It was a really depressing and shitty way to look at it and she didn't want to put those kind of thoughts in anyone's heads let alone Lyla's. "I think it's a decision for Digg and Lyla to decide together but I think it would be nice to know if I'm getting another nephew or if we're going to finally have a baby girl in the family."

Lyla nodded, popping another french fry in her mouth. She herself didn't really mind if Johnny and her waited until the baby was born or found out before than either way she loved her unborn child so much already."

"Okay, so I was thinking we should try that bridal boutque over on Denver and Troost.." suggested Laurel.

"Hopefully, it'll be the one where we can find our dresses for the wedding." commented Lyla. "All this dress shopping is going to drive me up the wall and I know Felicity at least agrees with me."

After they finished their luch they made their way over to the other bridal store that Laurel suggested in hopes that it would be one they found their dresses. Unfortunately it wasn't.

They tried two more bridal stores before they were finally able to find both Laurel's wedding's dress and bridesmaid dresses. And Felicity was thankful they finally did especially since it was nearing 6 in the evening.

Laurel abosolutely loved her dress and Felicity had to agree it was perfect for Laurel. Tommy would be stunned when he saw her in it.

And instead of them all getting a bridesmaid dresses that were all the same, they went with different dresses. Felicity thought Roy and Digg would both love Lyla and Thea's dresses.

And Felicity herself actually managed to find something she liked. And everyone else seemed to like it. Thea especially like it, saying Oliver would be speechless at the sight of her in it.

Not that she cared what Oliver would think of her dress. No, she definitely didn't care. At least that's what she had to keep telling herself as they paid for the dresses and got their messurements taking in by the botique's seamstress's.

Afterward finally finished done shopping, Laurel and Sara left, they were supposed to meet up with their dad for dinner. Carly went home to AJ and Andy. And Felicity and Thea went home with Lyla to have dinner at the Diggle home.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver walked into the Queen Mansion and headed up to his room, after he and tommy finished up with all the food tasting, interviewing caters, he had left Tommy to his own devices and hit the gym for a few hours blowing off some tension before finally returning home. He was the least bit hungry having been tasting food most of the day cooked by caters and chefs.

He trugded up the stairs and entered his room, heading straight for the shower. He undressed and stepped under the hot spray of water and relaxed as it hit his overworked muscles, unwittingly his mind drifted back to what Tommy had said about how he always thought it would have been him and Felicity the first to get married out of the two of them. And Tommy wasn't wrong he thought it too.

He sighed, shaking his head to clear the thoughts realizing where his mind was taking him, down a road full of regrets. He quickly finished up in the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist he walked back into his room to his dresser, grabbing out a pair of boxers and sweatpants.

He tossed the towel away, pulling both on and then rummaged through his top door, grabbing a white t-shirt but paused as it revealed a small velvet box tucked back into the corner. He placed the shirt on the dresser and reached for the small black velvet casing, knowing what it held and felt the weight of it impacting him, filling his body with tension once again.

With slow movements and a heavy heart, he lifted the box revealing the diamond engagement ring. He sucked in a breath a feeling of intense regret washing over him.

He bought it with every intention of asking Felicity to spend the rest of her life with him but then tragedy struck and things just fell apart and when he left he put it away.

He stared at the ring, his frown deepening, the ring was a stark reminded of everything that could've been, it tore at his chest thinking that it could've been him and Felicity, getting married or having a baby. He almost had it all and now he barely had Felicity in his life other than in a strictly friend compacity.

He snapped the lid closed and shoved it harshly back into the back of the door, underneath some shirts and slammed the door closed, feeling frustration wash over here in waves.

He grabbed his shirt from the top of the dresser and pulled it on, his arm knocking into a photo, causing it to drop, he heard a crack and sighed, reaching down and picking it up, he peered down at the photo.

A picture of him and Felicity smiling at the camera, his arms around her waist as he hugged her from behind his chin resting on her shoulder, one of her hands, reaching behind her to the back of his head, the other placed on one of his arms as she laughed freely, cracks formed on the glass from the drop, creating broken fisures of glass over the happy couple in the photo.

He thought the broken fisures represented who he and Felicity were now perfectly, he moved over to his bed, sitting on the edge and placed the picture on his bedside table, he got cofortable, laying down and fell into a restless sleep, images of Felicity and what if's plaguing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about doing a few flashback chapters on what exactly happened between Oliver and Felicity. Or would you guys perfer a prequel of sorts on how they fell in love, Felicity's pregnancy and when she lost the baby?
> 
> If you could let me know that would be great!
> 
> Comment, Kudos, I love feedback!


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this chapter done for almost a week but I recently got a really bad comment on a diffenrent story - and when I say bad I mean straight out mean, I was belittled, called names and cursed - but it's made me hesitant to share my writing. 
> 
> I'm sorry about the long wait. I hope you like the chapter, this one has it first flashback scene, hopefully its not confusing.

Felicity glanced up from her work as a knocked sounded on her office door and her assistant, Jerry pushed his way into the office. "Miss Smoak." Felicity raised a bow pointedly. "I mean, Felicity." he corrected. When she had first gotten her promotion that came along with her own personal assistant she was quick to do a way with the formalites and insisted on a first name basis. "Mr. Queen is here for lunch."

"Which one?" Felicity wondered idly though she was sure she already knew the answer. Ever since they agreed to try and be friends like they used to be Oliver had been stopping by every day at her office during the lunch hour. Sometimes he convinced her to go out to lunch, a few times Robert and Walter joined them but more often then not it was just the two of them but mostly he'd bring lunch to her when he stopped by. 

"Oliver Queen. I would never keep Robert Queen waiting." Jerry commented with a grin. "I rather like my job. Do you want me to send him in?"

"Yeah, go ahead." Felicity was already returning her gaze back to her computer screen. "Why don't you go ahead and take your lunch break while you're at it."

"Okay, I will." Jerry nodded, disappearing back out the door and a moment later Oliver was walking through it. "Hey," he greeted with a smile. "I thought we could have lunch together." he held up a brown take out bag and a container of drinks. "Got it from that new Italian place that you mentioned you liked."

"Alright." Felicity answered distractedly, looking over the codes to the new security program she was working on. "I'll just be a moment."

Oliver watched her, seeing her so intent on her work and knew if he let her Felicity would get suck into her work for the entire lunch hour. He set the bag of take out down on her desk and leaned forward, placing his hand over hers that hovered over the keyboard. 

Felicity jolted at the touch, her eyes snapping to him in surprise and looked to him questioningly with a raised brow.  

"What you're doing can wait, lunch please." he looked at her earnestly. 

"Okay, okay." Felicity slipped her hands from beneath his and stood up walking around her desk and over to the couch she had in her office and the round coffee table in front of it, she took a seat at one end. "I'll just finish going over it after." 

Oliver grabbed the beverage container and the brown bag and handed her one of the soda's, before reaching into the bag and pulling out an Italian chicken sub and holding it out to her. 

Felicity accepted it with a thanks, mildly surprise that Oliver got her order right with what she liked on her subs though she supposed she shouldn't have been all that surprised, since they've been having lunch together almost everyday. 

"Did I get your order, right?" Oliver pulled out his own sub from the bag before setting the bag on the table next to his own drink, he took a seat on the couch leaving the appropriate amount of space between them. 

"Yeah, you got it right. Thank you." she bit into her sandwich and chewed carefully. "How are you liking working with your dad so far?" she asked, after swallowing her bite of food. 

"Honestly, I like being able to spend time with him but working for the company and all it entails, its going over my head, even if the night classes I've been taking have helped a little bit." he shook his head. "But enough about work. That fund raising event my mother has been planning is next week. I was wondering if you still planned on going?"

"I am." Felicity felt a wave of nervousness at the question, it almost seemed like he wanted to ask her if they could go together. "Your mom, Thea and I have plans to go dress shopping tomorrow." Felicity paused making a face. "Okay your mother and Thea had plans and I was told under no certain circumstances was I allaowed to miss it."

Oliver chuckled. "It is hard to say no to them, especially when their double teaming you." 

"More like impossible." she muttered. "But why do you ask?"

Oliver swallowed a bite of his food and shifted nervously beside her. "Well, my mother has roped me into going and I thought since you were already going, we could go together?"

Felicity felt a flutter in her stomach but pushed it down. "I don't think that's a good idea." she watched Oliver's face fall in disappointment and immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry. I just don't think we should muddle the waters between us, things are complicated enough as it is, and with us attempting to just be friends I think it would just make things more confusing than they already are."

"No, it's okay." Oliver plastered on a fake smile as he tried to reassure her that he understood. "Maybe you could just save me a dance then?"

"But you hate dancing." she couldn't help but remind him.

"Not when it's with you." he looked at her eyes intense.

Felicity's breath hitched meeting his intense blue eyes leveled on her with so much meaning she didn't even want to begin to contemplate it, his words causing her heart to skip a couple beats before regulating, as she thought about dancing with him and all the other times they danced together.

She could picture it clearly, Oliver dressed in a suit that fit to his build perfectly and her dressed in a curve-hugging dress as they danced closely together, chest to chest, clothes brushing, her hands skimming his biceps, Oliver's hands gripping her lower waist, fingers spread out to graze her curves. 

"Felicity?" Oliver voice called to her breaking her away from the vivid picture of the two of them dancing her mind was conjuring up in her head. 

"What?" she asked, feeling herself flush at where her mind had been heading. 

"Do you think you could save me a dance then?" he asked again. 

"Yes." Felicity found herself answering before she could even register what she was saying and flushed again at her previous thoughts. "What's the harm in one dance?' she tried to laugh off. 

"Good." Oliver's lips ticked up into a small smile. 

Felicity had to look away, she didn't need to to get lost in his smile even if it was just a small one. "How are your classes going?"

Oliver made a face. "There was a reason why I didn't pass college." 

"It wasn't because you couldn't." Felicity dismissed, Oliver had been on his last year of college before everything happened, before he took off and joined the army. Okay, yes, he dropped out of his first three colleges but he had put real effort into the fourth one. 

Oliver smiled faintly, Felicity had always believed in him. "I apprecaite you saying so but we both know school was not my forte." 

"You don't give yourself nearly enough credit, Oliver." Felicity shook her head. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." 

"I'll try not to be." Oliver told her. "How's Donna? I haven't talk to her since that big dinner at Digg's?"

"She's good, been asking about you though." she shrugged, smiling faintly. "You know my mother's always liked you." 

"Has she gotten any better with texting?" Oliver wondered, recalling how terrible she was with basic technology. 

"Seriously, Oliver? Do you really think there will ever be a day where my mother is good with technology?" Felicity shook her head with a laugh, her amusement clear. 

Oliver felt warmth wash over him                             at hearing her familiar laugh, seeing her face light up with her smile and her eyes bright with humour. "So I'll take that as a no?" he teased. 

"A firm no." Felicity shook her head with a smile. "The day my mother is good with tech is the day pigs sprout wings and fly."

Oliver laughed again and Felicity joined him. "I'm glad's she doing good. For a while I didn't think there would be a time where she was happy again after the loss of Issac."

At the mention of her father, Felicity's amusement faded as she thought back to the last day he was alive, the last day when she had been truly happy.  She was the last person to see her father. They had went out for their weekly lunch. 

_"What's wrong, baby girl?"_

_Felicity looked up from checking her phone to see if Oliver had called or texted her. "Nothing."_

_Issac Diggle, glanced briefly at his daughter before quickly returning his eyes to the road as he drove, driving toward Starling's corporate business areas. "Your forehead's doing that crinkly thing it does when something is bothering you."_

_"Stupid tale." Felicity pressed two fingers to her forehead, attempting to smooth it down in an effort to make it go away._

_"So do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Her father's voice was filled with genuine concern. "Is it the baby?"_

_Felicity shook her head, her hand going to her seven months baby bump. "No, he's perfect." she murmured, gliding her hand over the bump with a smile. She couldn't wait to meet her son._

_"Is it Oliver then?" he wondered having noticed her constant glancing at her phone, even when they were having lunch she had been checking it periodically every few minutes._

_"Oliver was supposed to stop by earlier but he never showed, I figured he would have called at least to explain why." she said after a moment, lifting her phone checking it agian but still nothing. She sliped it into her bag with a sigh._

_"I'm sure he had a good reason." her father said reassuringly._

_"But it's the eight time in just two weeks he's done this." she frowned and he always gave her the vague excuse that he got caught up, he even missed her doctor's appointment last week and he always made it to all of the baby's appointments._

_Issac frowned. "That doesn't sound like Oliver." he knew his daughter's boyfriend had a habit of being late for almost everything but not usually when he made plans with his daughter._

_"It's not just that, he missed a doctor's appointment last week and he never misses one of my appointments and he 's been distant lately, in the last month he's been constantly busy with something but won't tell me what, he's stressed and when I asked what's bothering him he just changes the subject." Felicity felt her chest tightened with sadness and her eyes fill up with tears, she silently cursed her pregnant hormones for making her so emotional and quick to cry._

_Issac paused, weighing his words carefully, he didn't want her stressed out, it wasn't good for the baby or for her. "Felicity, I'm sure whatever it is that's been bothering him, the reason he's being distant, he'll tell you in time, just be patient."_

_Felicity swiped at her eyes brushing away any errant tears that might have escaped. "Yeah, I'm sure you're right." she tried for a smile._

  _"I'm always right, baby girl." he said with a grin, eyes on the road as they stopped at a red light._

_Felicity laugh, a smile breaking through. "Men are rarely ever right." she teased._

_"Maybe." he chuckled good-naturedly. "But father's are."_

_"Whatever you say dad." she replied feeling lighter, her tears beginning to recede just as quick they had come and she once again silently cursed her pregnant hormones that were always all over the place._

_"But seriously, baby girl." he said, reaching out and giving his daughter's hand a squeeze. "Oliver loves you. He'll tell you in time. He would never risk losing you because of whatever is going on with him. He loves you too much for that."_

_Felicity smiled at her father. "You always know how to make me feel better."_

_"It's a father job to make his daughter feel better." he replied genuinely. The light turned green and eased his foot onto the gas._

_"You do, always." Felicity said softly. "I always feel better when I talk to you." she looked over to see her father had a soft smile on his face at her words as he kept his eyes on the road but then her eyes slid past him, out the driver side window, her eyes widening. "Dad! Lookout!"_

_But it was to late the oncoming pickup truck slammed into them on her father's side, slamming into them with such force, it whipped thier car around, smashing into another car on her side, the sound of metal crunching metal sounding. She cried out, wrapping her arms around her stomach, her head slamming into the window glass sickeningly._

_Car horns blared and she heard the sounds of people screaming in panick. "Dad?" she called out and got no answer, she tried to turn her head, despite the horrible resonating pounding in her skull. "Dad?!" fear spiking, her already rapidly beating heart picking up faster. She tried to shift in her seat to turn toward him but jerked sharply, her body jolting as an intense pain ripped through her stomach, causing her to cry out in pain._

_"Dad?" she tried again her voice softer quieter as everything around her went fuzzy, she could feel something wet and warm slipping down the side of her face, blackspots dancing in her blurred vision, crying out softly once more as pain rippled throughout her abdomen before losing consciousness._

"Felicity?" She jerked, feeling a hand land on her arm and turned sharply the memory fading as she saw Oliver looking at her in concern. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, of course." she answered quickly, moving her arm out from beneath his hand and not noticing the brief flash of hurt that crossed Oliver's face at the action before he quickly covered it. "I just got lost in my head for a second there."

"Was it because I brought up your dad?" Oliver wondered.

"It just made me think of when I last saw him?" Felicity shifted uncomfortably, reaching for her drink and wishing it was red wine intead.

Oliver was fully aware of when she last saw her dad and felt his chest constrict. It was the same day they lost their son. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No." Felicity said sharply, more sharply than she intended as she watched his expression go from concerned to closed off. "No, I don't want to talk about it, any of it."

Oliver sighed, finishing up his food, feeling an ache in his chest from Felicity's unwillingness to even talk about it. If they didn't talk about it how were they ever going to settle issues enough to really be friends or start over. How could he hope for there to be a them like before when she wouldn't even talk to him about the things that really mattered? And then he wanted to laugh ruefully. They were never going to be like before. They couldn't. They couldn't ever go back to before the accident that tore their child away from them before he even breathed his first breath of life and killed Issac DIggle. They only had now.

Felicity watched as Oliver put his trash in the bag before standing. "Where are you going?" she asked confused.

"I'm gonna head up to the top floor. My dad should be just about finished with his own lunch break." He didn't wait for a reply, just grabbing up his trash and left her office. "I'll see you when I see you."

Felicity watched his retreating back till he was out the door and it was just her in her office, a wave of guilt hitting her recalling the look of hopelessness that had flashed in his eyes with her refusal to talk about anything pertaining to the car accident that happened and resulted in the death of her father and the lost of her unborn son. Felicity leaned forward, placing the remaining food of her lunch on the table next to her drink and leaning back in the couch cushions with a huff as irritation filled her.

Irritation at Oliver for bringing it up and causing her to remember that god awful day. Irritation at herself for feeling guilty for not wanting to talk about something that to this day was just too painful for her to talk about. Whenever she talked about it, those dreaded memories would pop up in her minds eye and she was filled with this empty void she just couldn't seem to escape. A dark cloud hanging over her that she couldn't shake no matter what she did.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity walked into the high scale cafe that Moira like to meet up at for coffee and spotted her and Thea already seated at a table over looking the street. Thea was the first to notice her and quickly waved her over.

"Good morning, Thea." Felicity took the open seat beside Thea. "Good morning, Moira."

"Hey, Felicity, I half thought you would flake on us with all the dress shopping we've been doing for Laurel and Tommy's wedding." Thea grinned.

"I was tempted to do that exact thing." Felicity teased back though not really, flaking on a Queen was huge no-no especially where Moira was concerned.

"Good morning, Felicity." Moira greeted with her natural poise. "I wasn't aware you and the girls were having such a hard time finding dresses for the wedding. If it's really a problem I could always have a dress especially made for you."

Felicity opened her mouth to deny the suggestion but was interrupted by a server. "What can I get you ladies today?" the middle age woman asked with a polite smile, her eyes constantly flickierng between the Queens and after ordering coffee and some butter croissants the server jotted down their order before moving on, presumably to get their orders. 

"That won't be necessary Moira, we were finally able to find something the other day." Felicity assured her.

"If you're certain." Moira said. "Hopefully we won't encounter the same problem today."

"Here's hoping." murmured Felicity.

"Dress shoping for a fundraiser isn't nearly as stressful when you're shopping for the perfect dress for attending a wedding." dismissed Thea with a wave of her hand. "It shouldn't be a problem." 

The served returned with their orders, placing their drinks in front of them and the croissants in the center of the table. "Enjoy!" she beamed at them with a wide smile before moving onto the next table.

Felicity wrapped her hands around her cup of coffee, feeling the warmth from it seep into her hands. "Did you manage to talk Roy into being your date to this thing?" Felicity addressed the question to Thea.

"He agreed very relucutantly but you know its near impossible to say no to me." she grinned, reaching for a croissant. 

"Speaking of the fundraiser," began Moira her eyes settling on Felicity as the blonde lifted her cup of coffee to her lips, blowing softly on the hot liquid. "WIll you be bringing a plus one, this saturday?"

Felicity stilled. The question was posed innocently enough but Felicity knew Moira and the woman was asking for a reason. She rarely did anything without having a reason for it. She lowered her cup back to the table slowly. "I hadn't planned on bringing anyone other than myself."

Moira made a tisking sound of disapproval. "Oliver will be attending." she said leadingly. "Perhaps, the two of you can go together."

"No, that's not a good idea." Felicity dismissed. "Moira, Oliver and I are just  _friends_."

Moira eyes took on a sympathic look as she stared at Felicity. "Felicity, dear, you and Oliver are not just friends. You can't be. When two peole who love each other as much as you and my son love each other they can never truly be just friends. It's impossible."

Felicity frowned at her. "Why are you using present tense?" Felicity grumbled. "The way Oliver and I feel about one another is in the past which is why we're able to be friends now."

"I don't know." Thea cut in. "Oliver's been in one of his moods since yesterday. I figured you two got into a fight or something."

"Why do you assume that? Maybe Oliver just had a bad day." Felicity crossed her arms over her chest defensively. 

"No." Thea shook his head. "He's had his broody Felicity face on since yesterday. So what happened? I thought you were getting along better."

"Nothing happened." Felicity clenched her jaw. This was feeling more and more like an interrogation by the minute, she was beggining to feel irritated to the point that if they hadn't made these plans to dress shop before her little minor disagreement with Oliver she would have thought they set this whole thing up just to interrogate her about everything Oliver. 

"Alright, nothing happened." Thea said though she sounded completely unconvinced.

"How do you even know that we've been getting along better?" asked Felicity. 

"Because you've been having lunch together everyday." Thea shrugged. "And it usuallys alway put a smile on his face which is why something must of obviously happened cause he's done nothing but brood since yesterday."

Felicity pressed her lips into a flatline. "Nothing happened." 

Thea rolled her eyes. "I can see you're going to stick with that."

"I am." Felicity said, setting her jaw stubbornly. 

"Psh, you'll be seeing for yourself what kind of mood he's in when you come to dinner tonight." Thea replied. 

"Dinner?" Felicity echoed. "What dinner?"

"The one we do at least once a month." reminded Moira, joining back in the discussion. "And I fully expect you to be there tonight."

"Well, I-" Felicity began. 

"Well, nothing." Moira cut her off in that cool manner of hers. "If you're not there, I'll be sure to send a driver for you regardless of what plans you might have."

Felicity sighed, knowing there was a time to argue with Moira when it was worth the headache and Moira's ire that came along with it and this was not one of those times. "I guess I'll be coming to dinner tonight." She didn't really see a way out of it.

"Glad to hear it, dear." Moira smiled pleased, finishing off her coffee and standing gracefully. "Now let's see what we can find you and Thea to wear for this saturday."

Felicity sighed internally. Next time she needed to go dress shopping she would go by herself that way there would be no Oliver interrogation. Maybe she'd bring Lyla, someone she knew wouldn't pry into her business about Oliver unless she asked for her opinion. 

Not even half an hour later found them at one of Starlings boutiques that catered to the elite clientele of Starling city, browsing the gorgeous dresses that no doubt cost more than her apartment and being assisted by the women who worked there. 

"Felicity, this one is perfect for you!" Thea held a floorlength red dress up with a scoop neck and a criss-crossing back. "You have to try it on." she shoved the dress into her arms and pushed her toward the private changing room. 

_And so it begins_ , though Felicity tooked the dressed dutifully and walked into the private changing room to try the dress on, hoping she wouldn't have to try on too many dresses today before deciding on one, though the longer this would take she wouldn't have to think about the dinner she would be attending at the Queen manor later on that night. With the Queen family. With Oliver.   


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning, you're probably going to want to hit both Oliver and Felicity after reading this chapter.
> 
> This one seemed just as angsty as the last chapter but I hope you like the chapter anyway.
> 
> I apologise for any and all grammar or spelling mistakes.

Felicity glanced up at the large looming stone mansion, she glanced back at her car, considering just getting back in it and driving off but then again she was sure Moira would have some way of tracking her down and sending her driver like she had threatened to do so if Felicity failed to show up on her own. 

Felicity suck in a large breath before breathing out slowly. She had a feeling tonight was going to be tense and awkward and she wanted to prepare herself before walking willingly into that. Straightening her spine, shoulders back and head raised high, smoothing down her clothes, Felicity walked up the steps to the door and knocking. 

She didn't have to wait long before it was pulled open by a smiling Raisa. "Miss Felicity!" She greeted warmly. "It's lovely to see you again. Come in." She stepped to the side to allow Felicity entrance into the manner. 

"Thank you, Raisa." Felicity walked passed the threshold and turned to face the kind woman as she closed the large oak door. "It's always good to see you. How have you been?"

"I've been well." Raisa smiled. "Thank you for asking. And yourself?"

"I'm good." Felicity answered automatically, the answer she always gave whenever someone ask her that whether it was true or not. 

"I'm glad." Raisa said. "Dinner should be ready shortly. You can wait with Miss Thea in the screening room if you'd like?"

"I will." Felicity flashed the kind woman another smile, walking to the living room. Why the rich insisted on calling it a screening room was beyong her. A living room was just that a living room.

Thea looked up as she entered the room. "Hey, I was just channel surfing why we wait on dinner. Wanna join me?"

Felicity settled down on the couch beside her as she glanced around. "So where is everyone?"

"Mom and dad are in his study, something work related I assume." Thea gave a shrug of her shoulders. "And Oliver's not here yet."

Felicity nodded, half wondering where he was at but she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show up until the middle of dinner. He was always late. "Is Tommy coming tonight?" Tommy like herself was considered a member of the Queen family having been raised more by Moira and Robert than he was by his own father. 

"No." Thea shook her head, settling on some sitcom channel. "He's having dinner with the Lance's tonight. Something about finalizing more wedding plans with Laurel's parents." 

"And Roy?" Felicity asked. "Is he not coming to dinner tonight?"

Thea shook her head again. "No, he had to work tonight." 

Felicity nodded. "How are things with you and Roy?"

"Their good." Thea answered, a bright smile, lighting up her face. "Really good."

"You look happy." Felicity smiled. 

"I am. He makes me really happy." Thea said, turning more to Felicity. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Felicity asked.

"Are you.." Thea paused, hesitating before sitting up straighter, shouders back like she was readying herself for a battle. "Are you happy?"

Felicity opened and closed her mouth the question surprising her. "I.." She tried again but stopped, looking away from Thea who seemed to be watching her closely, like she was somehow trying to look through her, past the surface and to Felicity's demons that she kept buried. Felicity thought the question over carefully. One she hadn't been asked in a long time. Sure she was asked if she was okay, how she was but never if she was happy. 

Happy was not a word she would describe with herself. Not anymore. 

It had been a long time since she was happy and she could remember when the last time was vividly. When her father had been still alive. When Oliver and her were still together and building a life together. When she was pregnant with her son. 

Again and again she was told that time healed the pain of loss. That in time it wouldn't hurt as much. 

And maybe that was true for some people but for her it was a bunch of BS. It's been years and it never got the better, the pain never lessened. She still had nightmares of that horrific day but the nightmares were better than the dreams. Sometime she dreamed, the car broke down and they never got in the accident, other times, it was just a little fender bender, in those dreams, her dad didn't die, she had her baby, held him in her arms, see the dark blonde of his hair, his blue eyes, Oliver's jaw and her nose, a perfect mixture of her and Oliver in his little body that it warmed her heart but then she would wake and reality would set in and she was left with nothing but the harsh truth and this cold dead feeling inside and the painful knowledge that her father was dead, her son was dead before he had a chance to breathe his first breath. 

Happy wasn't something she ever saw herself ever being again. She did her best to move forward but she always felt like she was just going through the motions, existing and attempting to move forward but never able to do so. 

"Felicity?"

Thea voice snapped her out of the depressing headspace she found herself descending into rapidly, she quickly pushed her previous thoughts away, turning back to Thea with a smile hoping she would't see how forced it was. "Of course I am, Thea." She lied.

Thea however looked unconvinced. "It doesn't seem that way to me."

Felicity wasn't sure how to respond to that but luckily she didn't have to as the sound of heels sounded on the floor, approaching. Felcity turned and saw Moira entering the room and Robert not far from behind her.

"Felicity so glad you could join us." Moira smiled, moving forward to welcome her.

Felicity stood, knowing the drill as Moira gave her a welcoming hug and kissing her cheek.

_Not like I had much of choice, now did I?_

Robert's chuckled filled the room and Thea snickered behind the hand she held to her mouth, Moira's mouth pressed into a firm line. 

"Frack, I said that out loud, didn't I?" Felicity realized. "I'm sorry. I meant nothing by it."

"It's fine, Felicity." Robert dismissed, coming forward and giving her a quick hug. "I'm sure Moira didn't give you much of a choice anyway."

Felicity lips quirked up as that earned him a side glare from Moira.

"It's not like I threatened physical arm, just an escort." Moira dismissed, moving to take a sear on the opposite couch. "DInner should be done shortly."

Felicity nodded, sitting back down. Robert sat next to Moira. "So Felicity I've been meaning to get your opinion on Palmer Technologies?" Robert began. 

"Well -"

"Please, no work talk until dinner, please." Interrupted Moira. 

Robert glanced at her but shook his head, turning back to Felicity. "We'll talk about it tomorrow then if you wouldn't mind sparing some of your time."

"I don't mind." Felicity assured. "I'll stop by before my lunch hour as long as you're not in a meeting."

Robert nodded just as Raisa appeared. "Excuse the interruption but dinner is ready."

Moira and Robert stood, following Raisa out, Felicity and Thea following close behind. 

Once everyone was settled at the dining table, Robert at one end with Moira to his right, Thea on his left and Felcity took the seat next to her. 

"I thought Oliver was supposed to be here?" Said Robert. 

"He'll be here." said Moira. "He's just running late as always. We'll wait for him."

Raisa came forward pouring wine for the adults and a glass of water for Thea.

"What if he doesn't show?" Countered Thea, she wouldn't put it past him with the mood he was in. 

Was it wrong that Felicity hoped for that? For Oliver not to show? Probably so but it would make things easier on her.

Ten minutes in that hope was dashed as Oliver walked in and came to a stop when his eyes landed on her, he looked at her his face tightening for a moment. Felicity thought he would turn, back right out of the room but after a tense moment of him staring at her, face tightened with tension he moved forward taking the seat next to Moira across from her, not even apologizing for being late.

"You're late, Oliver. Dinner was ready ten minutes ago." Moira signal to Raisa to have their food brought out. She may have been the one to suggest waiting for him but that didn't mean she liked his tardiness.

"I needed to blow off some steam." Oliver said dismissively.

"What was her name?" asked Thea, remembering what Oliver was like before he had gotten together with Felicity his senior year of high school but then realized what she had asked with Felicity sitting right beside her, she shot Felicity and apologetic look. 

Felicity reached out and gave her arm a squeeze letting her know it was fine. She was well aware what Oliver was like before they had gotten together. He had been the definition of a playboy. Plain and simple. 

"I wasn't with any women." Oliver broke the silence, his tone clip. "And if I was it wouldn't be anyone's business but my own."

Felicity felt his words were a dig at her but then again she could be letting thier issues get to her and making her imagine things. And so she chose not to say anything while Thea glared at him and Oliver glared right back.

"Your right is is your business, Oliver but that's no reason to take that tone with your sister." said Moira.

Oliver lessened his glare but said nothing in responde to his mother's reprimand, reaching for the drink already poured for him.

"Your father tells me your finally getting a feel for the company." said Moira. "I'm proud that you're finally taking up your role in the company."

"Well, it's what you wanted." said Oliver shortly.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Moira, her mouth tightening into a frown at his words.

"You and dad know how I've never wanted to take over the company but yet that's what I'm learning by shadowing, dad." Oliver said bluntly.

Moira face tightened further, frown deepening at his words. "Oliver-"

"I never said you had to shadow me, son." Interrupted Robert.

"You didn't have to. It always been expected of me, right?" he asked, rethorically his words harsh. "The heir to the Queen company expected to become the next CEO once you retire in a few short years."

"Oliver, son." said Robert, taken back by his sons words. "I was just happy to have you home and safe. If you don't wish to take over the company, I'm not going to force it on you."

"You and mom have been forcing it on me my whole life." he rebuked. "Why stop now?"

Thea shook her head at her brother's harsh words, lashing out at anyone who spoke to him, she looked to Felicity sharing a look with her.

Felicity could clearly see what Thea spoke of earlier today about Oliver's horrible mood. The last time she saw him like this was when they had argured over him enlisting just a month after they lost their son.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

_Felicity stared at him, sure she was hearing him wrong from her spot on the couch, dressed in sweats and one of his large t-shirts that hung off her frame, the last couple weeks she had more wheight than she had in two years, the weight she had gained during her pregancy nearly non-existent, her hair pulled back in a messy low ponytail, loose strands escaping, her skin pale and hollow, eyes broken with dark shadows. "I'm sorry I think I heard you wrong."_

_"You didn't." Said Oliver, not looking much like himself, his hair was wild, his own skin pale and hollow with dark shadow beneath his eye, a frown that seemed permanently etched onto his face. "I enlisted two weeks ago. I'm expected to ship out in four days."_

_"You can't be serious." Felicity pushed up from the couch, standing a little unsteadily, bracing her hand out on the table to steady herself, she was still recovering from her own injuries she gotten from the stupid crash, her body ache more often than not when she moved too much or too fast. "Since when have you had an interest in enlisting in the army?"_

_"Since you lost our son." The words came out harsher than he intended as he watched her flinch visibly from his words._

_"You say that like it's my fault." her voice cracked, filled with so much pain it was like a house had fallen on her chest just trying to get the words out._

_"It's not." Oliver was quick to saay, stepping forward, reaching out and cupping her face, brushing loose strands of hair back and swiping the pads of his thumbs gently over her cheeks. "God, I know it's not."_

_"Then why? I don't understand." Felicity eyes filled with tears. He was telling her he was leaving at a time when she needed him most._

_"I can't. I can't be here." said Oliver sadly, his own voice cracking with pain, so much pain it was near tangible. "I can't be in this house. Everything just reminds me of him, of this life we were building together, this little family."_

_Felicity felt his words like a punch to the stomach. She understood what he was saying but she couldn't bring herself to leave the place. Hell, she hadn't left the house since the funerals. It was painful being here, walking by the nursery that would never be used that she had already prepared. But pain seem to be the only thing she could feel anymore and she rather feel the pain of his loss than nothing like he never mattered. So what if she was hurting. It was supposed to hurt. Losing a child is not supposed to be easy, it was not supposed to be something you easily get over and move on._

_"So you're solution is to leave?" She asked. "Do you actually believe that's going to make this hurt less, mke this easier because it's not." she tried blinking back the tears, trying not to cry but she was breaking inside._

_"I know." Oliver said, pressing his forehead to hers, wishing he could ease her pain but he couldn't even handle his own. It was too much. "But I can't be here."_

_Felicity pushed at his chest, forcing him to break his hold on her. "You're running away." She glared, a tear cascading down her cheek. "But no matter how far you run it won't change anything. He's still going to be.." her voice cracked unable to say it._

_"Dead." he finished harshly. "I know that Felicity! You think I don't!" His voice raised as he felt his grief and frustration consume him. "You're the one who can't see accept it."_

_"What is that supposed to mean?!" She felt her own anger rising._

_"You sit in that nursery everynight, holding that stuffed tiger, staring at his crib like by some maricle you're going to get him back and when you're not doing that you're sitting on that couch!" He jabbed his finger angrily at the couch. "Listening to your dad's voicemail like somehow hearing his voice makes his death less real. You're torturing yourself and I can't stand here and watch you cause yourself more pain. Their dead, Felicity and their not coming back!"_

_"I know that! This is supposed to be painful, Oliver!" She snapped. "I know their gone. I'm not in denial but I don't know how to deal, how to cope. I can't.." Her voice broke, her chest tightening painfully with grief._

_"By letting me help you." Oliver took a step forward but she took a step back, shaking her head, a whimper escaping her lips._

_"How can you help me when you won't let me do the same for you?" She didn't bother waiting for his reply before continuing. "You've been shutting me out, you won't even look at me unless you have to and this is the most we talked since the accident. And now..now your telling me your leaving."_

_"I can't look at you and not see what we've lost." Oliver's voice broke, cracking with grief. "I look at you and all I can think is our son is dead. All I can see is his stillborn form."_

_"Stop," Felicity cried. She could still remember when the doctors had allowed her to see her son, he had been so so tiny, unbelievably so but he had already begun to resemble a baby. Felicity couldn't bear to hear anymore and Oliver fell silent. Felicity took a moment to get control over her emotions enough where she wouldn't break down in front of him. "You're running away. You're running away because you can't deal and you're turning this around on me because you're hurting like you're the only one who lost him but news flash Oliver, we both did! And I didn't just lose my dad or son. I lost a piece of myself when our son died. He was a part of me!" She didn't bother blinking back the tears as her chest ached, wet trails sliding down her cheeks freely. "This isn't supposed to be easy, Oliver. You can run from this all you want but that pain, that loss is going to follow you wherever you go."_

_Oliver's face closed off despite the fact that the sight of her in so much pain made him feel helpless and he hated that feeling. "Maybe so but I can't be here."_

_"We're supposed to get through this together, Oliver." Felicity whispered, looking up at him through wet lashes, cheeks wet with her tears._

_"I can't. I can't be here." he repeated with a shake of his head, eyes filled with so much sorrow it was palpable in his gaze._

_"Get out." Felicity whispered so quietly._

_"Felici-"_

_"I said get out." She said stronger, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to hold it together. "If you want to leave so bad than just go. Get out."_

_Oliver opened and closed his mouth several times before turning and exiting their home, the door shutting firmly behind him._

_Felicity took in a shaky breath, her lip tembling and limbs shaking, a whimper left her as a sob built in her chest and she slid to the floor with a cry filled with sorrow, her arms tightening around herself unable to hold it together any longer, as she sobbed pittifully with such force that her body shook uncontrolably as she broke._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity shook off the painful memory focusing back on Oliver.

"Oliver we're not trying to push the company on you." Denied Robert again with a shake of his head. 

"Of course you are. It's not like you're going to hand the company to Thea when she's older. No, you rather put it all on me and everything else that comes along with the Queen name." Oliver said bitterly. 

"Oliver, stop it." Felicity shook her head at him. 

He barely spared her a glance before looking at his parents accusingly. "You could have told me beforehand that you invited my ex to dinner."

"Oliver." Thea gasped in surprise as his words hit Felicity like a slap to the face. 

"Oliver you know very well Felicity is a part of this family." Robert said firmly, the lines in his face tightening, meaning every word. 

"She sure has a funny way of showing it." He said, looking at her with hard eyes. 

"Enough Oliver!" Felicity bristled, feeling like she had heard enough. "I need to speak with you in private." She stood up, pushing her chair back. 

Oliver however just stared up at her, jaw clench, not making a move. 

"Now." Felicity said, staring him down angrily. 

Oliver reached for his glass, chugging it down, slamming the glass back on the table before pushing from the table and following her out. 

Felicity walked them to the den far enough away from the dining room so they wouldn't be over heard by Oliver's family, she turned around to face him, staring him down. 

The silence was thick between them, filled with tension. 

"Well did bring me in here just to glare daggers at me?" snapped Oliver in irritation when he felt the silence went on too long for his liking. 

"You're pissed fine. Be pissed. You're angry with me. Fine go right ahead and be angry. Be moody or whatever with me but don't take it out on your family." She moved forward, glaring at him. 

"You don't get tell me what to do." Oliver snapped at her. "And how I am has nothing to do with you."

"Really? So the fact that you're acting like this has nothing to do with what happened eariler?" Questioned Felicity. 

Oliver looked away from her with a deep scowl, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings but that doesn't make it right for you to take it out on your family. That's not what I wanted to do." Felicity stepped forward finding encouragement when he turned his head slowly back to her. "You can't control everything Oliver and you can't take out your frustrations on your family just because things don't go the way you want them to."

Oliver's eyes hardened as he looked at her indifferently. "Are you done with this pointless lecture because if you are I like to get back to dinner?"

Felicity's eyes hardened. "Yeah. I'm done." She pushed past him, her anger at him on an all time high she barely refrained from shoving him like she wanted to.

She sat back down at the table, ignoring Thea, Moira and Robert's questioning looks. Oliver returned to his own seat a scowl on his face. 

The rest of dinner was spent with Moira attempting to sweep the past argument under the rug by making light conversation with Robert and Thea, asking for Felicity's opinion here and there. Felicity would respond as polite as she could but the glare on her face leveled at Oliver never left and the few times Moira or Robert tried to engage Oliver in conversation his response was always snappy, clip or short eventually they just stopped. 

To say that the rest of dinner was uncomfortable was an understatement. It had been filled with tension and angry glares being exchange between Oliver and Felicity neither willing to back down. 

Felicity was relieved when dinner finally came to an end, her nerves were frayed and she wanted to get as far from Oliver as she could before either of them said something that would make things even worse. Well more than they already had. 

Felicity thanked Moira and Robert for having her for dinner, said bye to them and Thea before grabbing up her coat and leaving without a word to Oliver. She had glanced back at im on her way out feeling his gaze on her, seeing his angry blue eyes on her, his jaw set stubbornly, a deep scowl in place.

She shook her head with her own glare before leaving. If he wanted to be a jerk. Fine. That was his choice but she didn't have to deal with it and neither did she want to. He could come talk to her when he stopped acting like a spoiled child who didn't get his way. When he actually wanted to talk like a civilized adult he knew where he could find her but until then she thought it best they keep their distance from each other. 

So much for a fresh start as friends. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, any and all feedback is welcomed.
> 
> Let me what you thought. What you like, what you didn't or what you might want to see.
> 
> Thank you to everyone whose stuck with me even though I'm slow at updating.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I struggled with this chapter. I'm still not happy with it. But I wanted to get update up. 
> 
> This chapter is Felicity centeric.

Felicity's breath left her on an exhale, her fist slamming into the punching bag. She usually wasn't one for any serious workouts but she found it a good way to work out her frustrations and anger. It was more Sara, Laurel and Thea's thing.  

But she had needed a way to work out her current frustrations which all mainly evolved around Oliver and everytime she thought about the dinner that was held at Queen manor two days ago a fresh wave of anger would hit her. Remembering the way he spoke to his family, taking their issues out on them, it just really grated on her nerves that he would fight with his family that way. 

She knew no family was perfect, let alone the Queens. Families were messy and complicated and more often than not they were disfunctional but family was precious, she knew that more than anyone. You shouldn't waste time feuding and being cruel to one another because you'll never know when you will lose them. 

And maybe she was projecting but she could at least take comfort in the fact that when her father died that she had no regrets regarding her relationship with him.

She wasn't angry with him about his anger towards her. She knew she didn't make it easy for him today nor did she after the accident. She was often difficult she knew that but it had become a defense mechnisim after the accident that she instinctually fell back on. 

Her fist slammed into the bag again and again and again even as her mind was elsewhere. 

"Working out some personal issues?"

Felicity let out a surprise yelp as the voice came from just behind her, whirling around she spotted Nyssa just a foot behind her. "Don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack." She placed her hand over her heart to demonstrate her point where she could feel its increased pace. 

Nyssa only offered a wry smile. "It's odd to see you in here hard at work."

Okay, so Nyssa wasn't wrong. She usually only came here when she wanted to talk to Sara but she felt the need to defend herself.

"I come here and work out." Felicity protested but at Nyssa's perfectly raised brow, she amended. "Occasionally." Nysaa continued to just give her that look, the one where it could have anyone spilling their guts to her. "Fine, a few times a month." Felicity held up a hand. "But it counts."

"So what's got you twistted up in angry knots?" Inquired Nyssa. 

"Just Oliver problems." Felicity waved a hand in dismissal. "I'm sure you don't want here about it. Hell I wouldn't even want to hear about it and I'm the one having them."

Nyssa was silent for a moment. "Your past with Oliver is complicated."

"That's an understatement." Felicity muttered. 

"But I also think it's one of your own making." said Nyssa as if Felicity hadn't spoken. 

Felicity's brow creased, not sure if she heard her right. "Excuse me? Did you just imply that my problems with Oliver are my fault."

"Maybe not all of them." Nyssa conceded. "But yes, a fair share of your and Oliver's problems lay on your shoulders."

"How do you figure?" Felicity asked, brow creasing in confusion.

"Oliver has made it abundantly clear that he wants to fix things between you but you shut him down at every turn and sometimes without real cause."

"Some things can't be fixed." Felicity protested.

"But some things can if you allow them to but you're not." Said Nyssa. "You refuse to talk about what went wrong with your relationship, choosing to ignore it but that won't help anything. All it's doing is putting you and Oliver on an endless cycle and it won't end until your willing to face the past."

Felicity frowned. The thought of facing the past sent her heart constricting painfully. She immediately refused the suggestion. She rather not go back and faced the worst time in her life. "How do you even know all this?"

"Oliver comes in here a lot and he talks with Sara, I tend to hear things. And I've been privy to more than one conversation between Laurel, Sra and Thea and you and Oliver seem to always be the topic of conversation." 

Felicity's frowned deepened, she was beginning to hate that everyone seemed to be mettling in her relationship with Oliver, or her lack of one or her past one with him. It was starting to grate on her nerves. Couldn't everyone just stay out of it like Digg seem to be doing. "Is that what everyone does? Get together and discuss Oliver and I? You would think they would have more important things to concern themselves with especially with the wedding not far off."

"That bitterness you feel?" Said Nyssa leveling her with a look. "It easily causes you to lashout and hurt other people even if you're not meaning to."

Felicity immediately felt chastise. As soon as the bitter words had slipped out she knew they were ungarnered and Nysaa let alone any of her friends didn't deserve her lashing out at them. Her thoughts drifted again to the Queen dinner and realized that is what Oliver had done, he lashed out at the people around him because it was easier to lash out at others no matter who they were than to let the negtive feelings consume him and here she was kind of doing the same thing. 

Nyssa was right it was a cycle. One that had to end because that person that lashed out? She didn't like it in Oliver ann she sure as hell didn't like it in herself.

"Felicity?" Nyssa questioned. 

Felicity looked up at the other woman realizing she had gotten caught up in her thoughts too long dued to the revelation that she had seconds ago. "I have to go." She said suddenly, walking to the bench that held her stuff, grabbing her things and quickly moved to walked passed a surprise Nyssa.       

"Felicity." Nyssa reached out and grabbed her arm. "Did I overstepped my bounds?"

Felicity paused, placing her hand over Nyssa's that was on her arm. "Yes. No. I don't know." She rattled off confused. "Maybe but I needed to hear it." She gave her hand a squeeze. "Thank you." She gently took Nyssa hand off her arm and brushed past her just as Sara came in.

"Hey, Felicity, I wasn't expecting to see you here." Sara greeted.

"I have to go but I'll talk to you later." Felicity said brushing past her and out the gym, she could faintly here Sara's voice asking Nyssa what that was about before the noises of the gym were shut out by the door closing behind her as she quickly walked to her parked car.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity stood on the threshold, a short sleeved unbuttoned up top thrown over her workout tank top and just when she was about to knock again the door opened to revealed Lyla on the other side. "Felicity, hey." She paused, her eyes looking at her closely. "DId you just come from the gym."

Felicity looked down at her yoga pants and her workout tank top. "Oh, um, yeah. I had some issues I needed to vent and I figured what better way than beating a bag. It always seems to help Sara with her anger. Anyway, I'm sorry for dropping by without calling but I was hoping to speak with Dig. Is he around?"

"No but he'll be back here in a few minutes, he had a errand to run." Said Lyla, opeining the door wider for her to come inside. "You can wait for him till he comes back if you want."

"Thanks." Felicity walked inside, following Lyla into the living room and taking a seat on the couch, taking notice of toys around the room and coloring books. "What's with the kid stuff. You getting a early start?"

"Something like that." Said Lyla, moving a stuffed dinosaur from the end of the loveseat and placing it on the table before taking a seat, turning toward Felicity. "We've been baby sitting AJ more often hoping it'll give us at least some experience when the baby gets here."

"Well, you have some time before than." Felicity smiled. "You're barely even showing yet."

"The doctor assures me that'll be happening soon." Said Lyla. "It's a good thing I've already been shopping for maternity clothes."

"You won't exactly need maternity clothes just yet, Ly." Felicity smiled. "I think you still got some time before having to wear paternity clothes."

"I'm not concern about the clothes." Dismissed Lyla. "I'll admit I'm looking forward to being a mother."

Felicity took note of how surpise Lyla sounded. "Why do you sound so surprise by that?"

"DIgg and I weren't planning on getting pregnant, we weren't trying, it just happen." Lyla paused. "I never really considered being one. A mother, I mean. With mine and Johnny's work I just never really thought about it."

Felicity nodded, listening, when she and Oliver had gotten pregnant it had been unplanned, she had just started working at QC, Oliver was still going to college, they had only been living together for a couple months at the time. It had been a surprise and it had tooken a little getting used to those first few weeks. "But when you found out you were pregant you could suddenly see yourself as a mother because that life you were carrying was not just a part of you but something you and DIgg had done together."

"Exactly." Lyla nodded. "It was like I could suddenly see Johnny and I being parents."

Felicity nodded. "For what it's worth I think you and Digg are going to make amazing parents."

Lyla smiled just as the sound of the front door opening and closing sounded and Digg's voice could be heard, calling out for Lyla. "Lyla?"

"In here." Lyla called.

"Hey." Digg appeared in the door way, smiling upon seeing his wife and a flicker of surprise when he saw Felicity. "Felicity, I didn't know you were coming by today." 

"Yeah, sorry about that but I needed someone to talk to and you were the first person I considered but if you're busy or don't have time I could come by another time.." Felicity trailed off unsure.

"No, now's good." Digg assured her. "You know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to." Honestly Diggle was a little surprised she came to talk to him on her own. It was no secret over the years Felicity rarely opened up to anyone, even him. 

"Well, I'm gonna let you two talk." Lyla said, standing up.

"You don't have to go anywhere, Lyla." Felicity was quick to say.

"It's fine, besides baby and I are starving. I'm going to fix us something to eat." Lyla left the room, heading toward the kitchen before she could protest further.

Digg waited till she was out of the room before taking Lyla's seat. "So what did you need to talk about?"

"It's about Oliver. Well, really it's just a bit about Oliver and more about me." Felicity rambled off, suddenly feeling stupid and unsure of herself. "You know what? Now that I think about it in my head, it seems rediculous that I came here to burden you with it. So I'm just going to get out of here and let you and Lyla get back to your day or whatever you had planned for today."

Digg's hand landed on her arm, keeping her sitting. "Hey, I don't care if it's ridiculous or if you think it's stupid. You can still talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

Felicity only hesitated a moment before nodding. "Okay so a few nights ago I went to the Queen's for dinner. You know their once a month mandatory dinner that they insist I go to.." Felicity started and went on to tell him about that night, leaving out how stand offish Oliver was and just telling him that they had gotten in a disagreement. "And I've just been feeling so frustrated since so I thought I hit the gym."

"Wait." DIggle interrupted slight amusement coloring his tone. "You were at the gym."

"I go to the gym." Felicity defended. "I am plenty atheletic."

DIggle chuckled. "Felicity, you can't even get through ten sit ups without being winded."

Felicity sent him a half glare. "We're getting off point."

"Right." nodded Diggle wiping all traces of amusement from his expression. "Go ahead, continue."

"Anyway, Nyssa said some things to me that really got me thinking." Said Felicity.

"What did she say?" Asked Diggle curiously.

"Basically what happened with me and Oliver after the accident was both our faults and she thinks I've been making things worse by refusing to discuss it."

"Well, Nyssa was never known to sugar coat things." Said Diggle at the moment. 

"Do you.." Felicity paused, looking to him. "Do you think she's right?"

"I've done my best to stay out of your and Oliver's problem's." said Diggle. "Oliver's my best friend but you, your my sister and I just rather not be dragged in the middle of all this."

"Right." Felicity nodded, her lips pulling into a frown, turning her eyes from him. "Forget I said anything."

"Hey," Said Diggle in his compassionate voice drawing her gaze back to him. "I wasn't finished." 

And Felicity waited for him to continue, wondering what else there was to say if he rather not get involved in the matter. 

"But for the first time you're actually willing to talk to someone about this so I'm not about to turn you away." Diggle told her. 

"Was I really that bad?" Felicity wondered, she hadn't thought she was. "I mean it's not like I shut people out." At least she didn't think she shut everyone out.

"Felicity you've closed yourself off and you haven't really opened yourself up since and I can't imagine how hard it was for you but you had a lot of people who wanted to be there for you but you wouldn't let them."  

His words held such weight that Felicity felt a wave of guilt. "I didn't know how to let them. I thought it was better to deal with on my own."

"But that's the thing Felicity." Diggle told her, his expression, turning somber. "You weren't on your own. You had me and Donna, and your friends and everyone who loved you. And you had Oliver. You were never alone."  

"I..I didn't know how to let people be there or maybe I didn't want them to." Felicity admitted. "I don't know but I don't want to be closed off anymore."

"Than don't be." Said Digg. "Look, you're already taking the first steps, you recognize you've had a problem with letting people in, and now you're talking to me on your own with no prodding from anyone."

"I think I should talk with Oliver. About everything." She admitted, rather reluctantly. "I just don't know if I'm ready to."

"Maybe you should talk to somebody else first." Suggested Diggle. "Maybe someone professional."

Felicity scrunched up her face. "Like a therapist."

"Yes." Said DIggle. "I know you may not want to but I believe it will help in the long run. Hopefully you'll be more willing to let others in more instead of just shutting down whenever things get painful."

"I don't like that idea. " Said Felicity, frowning at the thought of talking to a stranger about something so personal. "But I can see you're meaning. I'll think about it."

"Good." Said Digg. "And if you want me to have a word with Oliver just say the word."

Felicity smiled then, full of fondness for her older brother. "No, that's not necessary."

Digg patted her on the arm. "C'mon, why don't you stay a bit, we can see what Lyla's whipping up in the kitchen." 

"Could be anything." Said Felicity. "Pregnant women have strange cravings. I should know. It may not be edible to anyone but her." Felicity followed him into the kitchen to find Lyla had whipped up some waffles with peanut butter spread. Felicity laughed at the comical look on Diggle's face at the cocoation. "I've seen and eaten weirder combinations." 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Felicity walked the familiar path that she walked twice a week, moving through the green grass, passed head stone after head stone after head stone until she came to the two she was looking for, gripping the daisy's she had picked up from the flower shop that she frequented the past couple years. 

She had stopped by the shop after leaving Digg's, she always brought flowers whenever she visisted her father and son's graves. Reaching the head stones she was looking for, she removed the few days old flowers she brought the last time she was here and placed the fresh ones over the two graves, kneeling in the grass, she stared at the head stones.

When they had to plan the funerals Felicity had decided she was going to bury her son, next to her father, not wanting him to be alone. It had caused a ray of disagreements between her and Moira. Moira had wanted her grandchild buried on Queen property or in the Queen family plot but Felicity had refused to budge on the matter. 

She reached out trailing her hand over the lettering of her son's name. 

_Nathaniel Jonas Queen._

Felicity felt her chest constrict painfully as her eyes grew wet with unshed tears. He would have been almost three years old if she hadn't lost him. She wondered if he would have been more like her or Oliver. Would he had been a momma's boy? Would he have been as smart as she was at thar age or just rambuctious as Oliver. She wondered if Oliver and her would have still been together?

It was the what if's that kept her up at late hours. The what if's that tore at her everyday and knowing she would never know.

"So I know the last few times I was here I talked about how Oliver was back and we were trying the friends thing." She started.

Everytime she visited she would talk to them, tell them what was going on about her days and her regrets. Admittedly she hadn't open up to her family or her friends or anyone for that matter since the accident but that wasn't exactly true. She came here twice a week and she would just sit and talk with them, about anything, what was going on in her life, how she was feeling what she was thinking. It was the only time she willingly opened up, it made her feel closer to them, like somehow they were still here.

"Well the whole friends thing isn't working out too well." Felicity admitted. "I know he wants to talk about the past but I don't want to. I never want to and I don't believe I ever will." She paused, as her eyes grew wetter with the tears she had yet to let fall. "But I know I need to. I just..I think I need to face it first before I'll be able to rationally talk about it with Oliver." She sucked in a breath and exhaled shakily. "Digg thinks I should talk to someone, a professional and he's always gives good advice. I think I'm going to give it a shot. And hopefully soon I'll be able to talk about you without shutting down." 

Felicity wiped at her eyes, wiping away the wetness that gathered on her lashes. "I miss you." She whispered. "The both of you." She stood slowly, trailing a hand first over her father's gravestone than her son's, her hand lingering as her chest tightened and constricted with loss a knot forming in her stomach. "I love you." She whispered quietly, her voice barely carrying on the air as her breath hitched in her throat, a tear escaping her eye and cascading down her cheek. 

She turned away from the graves feeling a tug in her heart with every step she took, taking her back the way she came. She had some research to do on the best therapists in the city. Hopefully she would find one to her liking.

And if this plan backfires than she was totally blaming Digg. Okay not really. It wouldn't be his fault. It's not like this can makes things worse. Felicity couldn't imagine things getting worser between her and Oliver than they already were which was why she was even considering talking to a professional. 

Hopefully with this new plan things might actually get better and they can just put their past relationship behind them and just moved on to being friends instead of just pretending to be. No good would come from lying to themselves about their situation. 

Felicity could only hope that in time Oliver and her could get on the same page and stay there.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a review if you want.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is self edited so I apologize for any grammar or spellig mistakes. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it!

Felicity looked up at the knock on the door and a second later her assistant Jerry was poking his head around the door. "Ms. Smoak, I just wanted to remind you about your lunch."

Felicity frowned as she tried to recall if she made lunch plans with anyone. Before her and Oliver's argument or fallout if you will since she hadn't seen him in about a week, anyway, before that she had lunch with Oliver everyday in her office. "Help me out here, Jerry, was I supposed to have lunch with anyone today or are you just reminding me so I don't just forget and get sucked into my work again."

"While I consider it my duty as not only your assisstant but as your friend as well to make sure you don't forget to eat that isn't the case this time. You're supposed to meet Thea at Big Belly Burger."

"Riiight." She had completely forgotten. Thank Google for Jerry or she would have unknowingly stood up Thea. "Thank you for reminding me." She quickly closed the computer and what she was working on before standing and grabbing up her things to head out. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity pushed the door to Big Belly Burger open, scanning the diner. It was a little busy with the lunch hour crowd but she spotted Thea at their usual booth. She smiled over at Carly as she passed who was working behind the counter. 

Once she reach the booth, she plopped down in the seat across from Thea who was focused on her phone and failed to noticed that she had gotten there as she appeared to be typing out a text. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

Thea's gaze shot up in surprise. "When did you get here?"

"Just now." Felicity smiled. "You seemed preoccupied."

"Just texting Roy." Thea finished typing out a text and sending it before placing her phone on the table surface in front of her. "And no, I wasn't waiting long, just a few minutes."

"Good although if it wasn't for Jerry it's a high possibility I would have stood you up in place of getting buried in my work." Felicity admitted honestly. 

"Wouldn't be the first time." Thea teased. "Doubt it would be the last."

Felicity opened her mouth to decline that comment but quickly shut it because Thea wasn't wrong. "I want to protest that statement but you have a point."

"I do, don't I?" Thea grinned, she loved being right.

Felicity rolled her eyes just as a waitress appeared to take their order. 

"Hey, we should order a Big Belly meal to go." Thea suggested. 

"Why?"Felicity frowned questioningly. "Are we picking something up for Roy?"

"Thoughtful but no." Thea gave a grin. "For Jerry. It's the least I can do for the man since he made sure I didn't get stood up."

Felicity shook her head but when they ordered, she ordered a meal to go. "I don't stand you up that much." She said once the waitress was gone. 

"Yes, you do. I'm not sure whose worse you or Ollie. He's always late when he says he's going to be somewhere but then again he at least shows up even if it's last minute." Claimed Thea teasingly before growing serious. "Speaking of my brother have you spoken to him since the family dinner."

"No." Said Felicity. "I've seen him a few times around the office but neither of us have spoken. We've been mostly staying out of each others way."

"Oh." Thea frowned. "I was hoping that the two of you would have made up or at least put that fight behind you."

"Sometimes things are not that simple and at this point I think it's best that Oliver and I just steer clear of each other."

Thea's frowned deepened. "As your friend I can kinda understand where you're coming from but as Oliver's sister I feel like I should say or do something to help mend things between you."

"It's not your job to fix things between us. The only ones who are capable of that are Oliver and I. And the way we are now currently I just don't see that being a possibility right now."

Thea nodeed. "I'm not going to try and tell you what to do because my advice wouldn't be strictly helpful right now and I wouldn't even know how to help. I just want you and Oliver happy."

"That means a lot Thea but Oliver and I don't make each other happy." At least not anymore. 

"Not now but you did once." Thea protested, making Felicity think she was seeing into her mind.. "When you and Ollie were together I'd never seen him happier."

"It's easy to be happy when things are going great but what about when their not." Felicity shook her head. "You're not supposed to just give up when things get hard."

"They weren't just hard, Felicity, they were painful." Said Thea but Felicity didn't need to be told that because they were still painful for her.

"And that was something we should have gotten through together." Felicity insisted. "So what does that say about us? About who Oliver and I were to each other that we couldn't?" 

"I..I don't know." Thea admitted.  

"Neither do I and I think that's something I need to figure out." Admitted Felicity.

"It's just hard watching how bad things have gotten between you and Ollie." Thea confessed.

Felicity frowned, she hadn't really tooken in account that her and Oliver's fighting would effect Thea are their close loved ones but maybe she should have.. "Look if it's too difficult for us to hang out because of mine and Oliver's problems for you, I would understand." She paused. "I'm not saying, I wouldn't miss you because I would like crazy. Your like a litttle sister to me, you know that but I would completely understand."

"Hey, you're not going to have to miss me. I'm not going anywhere." Thea protested, reaching out and touching her friend's arm. "Sure things are where they are, what they are but just because you and Ollie aren't together anymore or aren't getting along doesn't mean we're going to stop being friends."

"I just don't want you to have to choose between me and your brother. Your family." Felicity gave a small smile. "I would never want you to choose sides."

"Ollie, he's my brother and I love him but you're family too. I'm not choosing between you or him. Whether you and Oliver patch things up down the line is up to you but regardless you'll always be family and I'll still be here not just as your friend but as a sister, too."

Felicity's eyes shined with appreciation and gratitude and she smiled warmly. ""You're an amazing friend, Thea Queen and I'm lucky to have you for family."

Thea offered a cheeky smile. "I whole heartedly agree with that statement."

Felicity ducked her head in amusment before smiling back at Thea. She was glad that despite how this rift between her and Oliver seemed to keep groiwng that it didn't change things between her and Thea. They were still really good friends. 

Felicity's phone buzzed in her bag just as the server set their food in front of them and she rifled through it retrieving her phone, looking at the caller to see the number for the the therapist office she had gotten in contact with. 

She looked up at Thea. "I'm sorry I need to take this."

Thea waved her off, grabbing up a fry, dipping it into ketchup. "Go on ahead."

Felicity quickly swiped her thumb over the screen and pressed the phone to her ear. 

"Hello, Ms. Smoak, this is Dr. Jenner's office, calling about your appointment tomorrow afternoon at 1: 15 to confirm it?"

"Yes, I will be there." Felicity reassured, pushing down the uncomfortableness that she felt at the thought of opening up to a complete stranger.

"Okay, good, we'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for your time. Have a great day." 

Felicity returned the polite sentiment before ending the call and placing her phone back in her bag. 

"What was that about?" Thea asked curiously, popping a french frie into her mouth. 

"Just an appointment." Felicity dismissed. 

"At the office?" Thea wondered. 

"No, it's more of a Doctor's appointment." Felicity admitted. 

Thea frowned."Is everything okay? You're not sick are you?"

"It's nothing like that."Felicity smiled off her concern. "I promise it's nothing for you to worry about."

Thea frowned but nodded anyway. Felicity was glad she didn't press for more. The only person she told she was seeking perfessional help was Digg. She didn't really want anyone else knowing. At least for the time being she rather just keep it to herself.

~*~~*~~*~

Oliver stared down into his liqoured filled glass, the music of the club bassing through the room as couples danced a few feet away. He felt the humdity of the club as his shirt clung to his heated skin.

He been coming here for the last three days, drinking. He just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget that damn family dinner. He wanted to forget that all he and Felicity seemed capable of doing was fighting. He wanted to forget the heated words they exchanged. 

He lifted his shot glass to his lips and downed his drink in one go before slamming it back onto the bar with a heavy thunk. He waved at the man tending the bar. "Pour me another."

The bartender eyed him closlely. "You should take it easy, man, at this rate you're going to drink yourself under the table."

Oliver glared. "I didn't ask for your opinion on my drinking. I want another shot."

The man shook his head but poured him another shot before continuing down the bar deciding he rather not deal with the sour man drinking the night away. 

Oliver pulled his newly filled shot glass to him. Trying and failing not to think about Felicity. 

There had been a time when talking with Felicity came as naturally to him as breathing. A time when his days started and ended with her. A time when being with her made him happier than he could have ever imagined being. His life had been as close to perfect as he could have imagined it. 

And now..Now his life was a far cry from what it used to be. From what he wanted it to be. He wanted his old life back but he was no longer sure if that was possible. He didn't know how to fix things. Any of it but he wanted to.

God, did he want to. But the more he tried to make things better, the more he tried to reconnect with Felicity the worser things got between them. He feared one of these times they were going to say or do something they weren't going to be able to take back. 

He downed his shot, the strong drink, making his lungs burn and motioned for another refill. This time the bar man said nothing simply poured his drink and headed to the other end of the bar. 

He picked up his shot glass, slowly swirling it and watching as the liquid swished around in the glass.

He felt the air around him shift as someone took the seat beside him at the bar but he could careless who it was. He just wanted to get so drunk he forgot his problems for a few hours.

"I would ask if I could get you a drink but it seems you have one already." A female voice filtered out.

He didn't even bother to turn his head and look at her. He downed another shot glass filling the pleasant burn coursing through him. "Not anymore."

The woman gave a giggle and signaled to the bartender. "A refill for my new friend here and a Taquila for me." 

The barman refilled his shot glass. Again. Then poured the woman a drink and slid it to her. 

"My name's Allison." She smiled holding her hand out to him. 

He glanced down at her hand, nails painted red. He was just going to ignore her pro-offered hand but the vibrant color struck a cord with him and he finally turned to look at the woman, Allison. 

She had blonde curly hair that fell to the top of her shoulders, grey eyes, and tanned skin. Her lips painted the same shade of her nails that matched the very low V-cut dress that clunged to her skin like a second skin. 

He looked at her and all he could see were the semi-differences the stranger had with Felicity. It was when he watched her flirty smile start to dim that he finally reached out and shook her hand quickly before quickly letting go. "Oliver Queen."

"I know." She grinned, her flirty smile back in place. "You have to be a recluse not to know the son of one of the richest families in Starling."

Oliver said nothing to that. Just turned back around facing the bar.

"Would you like to dance?" The girl asked, leaning forward.

"I don't dance." Oliver said flatly.

"It could be fun." Allison tried, leaning toward him in an attempt to catch his eye, the way she shifted forward caused her dress to tighten on her body, revealing even more skin and at this rate her breast were going to spill out of the deep V of her dress. His eyes unconsciously drifted down to all the skin she had on display. "So how about it?"

His eyes snapped back up to hers. "What?"

Allison gave a flirty giggle, believing herself quite the distraction for him. "Dancing with me. I can promise it'll be fun."

Oliver shook his head in refusal. "Not my kind of fun."

"Then tell me what is your kind of fun." She ran her hand over his forearm enticingly. "I'm open to suggestions." 

Oliver turned his head toward her,  giving her another persual. For a moment he imagined taking her up on her offer, go back to her place with her and bury himself inside her, forget his problems for one night, hell if he kept his eyes shut during the act he could pretend she was Felicity with her blonde hair and penchant for the color red. Except her hair wasn't the same bright shade of Blonede like Felicity's, her eyes were gray instead of the blue he loved. Felicity had more curves to her as well and wasn't nearly as tanned. And no one wore the color red as good as Felicity.  

While both may be blonde and had a penchant for red Allison was not Felicity and she would only pale in comparison. He was sure of it. But the fact that he had even considered going home with Allison with the intention of lying to himself by pretending she was Felicity was really low and wrong. He felt a wave of shame and disgust at himself for even considering it for one moment. 

"My idea of fun wouldn't include you."

"Wha- Excuse me?" Allison floundered. 

"I don't know what you were expectng by approaching me but I'm not going to leave here with you." Oliver downed his next shot. "But thanks for the drink, you can go now."

Allison gave a scoff. "You're loss." Before storming off. 

"Hey, I need another shot!" Oliver called loudly across the bar. 

The bartender heaved a sigh "This is your last one after this I'm cutting you off. " He was just about to pour Oliver another shot when a hand covered the glass. "He's had enough."

Oliver gave a groan, turning to look at his friend as he leaned on the bar next to him. "You can't cut me off." 

"Oh, but I can." Said Tommy, taking the seat beside him. "I own the place." 

OLiver frowned at him before offering up a false smile. "How about instead of cutting me off you join me instead."

"Yeah, nope. That's not happening." Tommy refused.  "You've drunk enough for the both of us for the night."

Oliver frowned at him. "I don't remember you being this much of a downer."

Tommy rolled his eyes. "I'm not being a downer. I'm trying to be your friend, Ollie."  

"I don't need a friend, I need a drink." Oliver grumbled. "Another one." 

"If you drink anymore you'll to be to drunk to stop from doing something stupid." Tommy eyes turned to the dance floor. 

Oliver followed his gaze and saw Allison dancing with two guys. She clearly bounced back from rejection pretty quickly. "You mean her?"

"Obviously." Tommy said dryly before taking on a more serious tone. "You had me worried there for a moment."

"I'm free to do what I want. Sleep with whoever I want." Oliver scoffed, turning back around. He wasn't with anyone, if he wanted to have a night of meaningless sex he damn well could.

"You're right. You're single and what you do personally is your business." Tommy agreed. 

"I hear a 'but' coming on." Oliver sighed, contemptlating jumping over the bar and just taking a bottle of Vodka. 

"But I thought you wanted to mend things with Felicity and I don't see how sleeping with random women would help your cause."

"I didn't sleep with her." Oliver muttered, shoving the empty shot glass away from him, feeling like it was taunting him. 

"You thought about it." Tommy said knowingly. 

Oliver shot him a glare. "So what if I thought about it. Felicity and I aren't together and that's her choice not mine."

"Ollie, you can't come back here and just expect things to return the way they were. It doesn't work like that." Tommy put his hand on his shoulder. "Buddy, you left when Felicity needed you. If you thought that wouldn't have consequences then you were wrong on so many levels."

"Tommy." Oliver hissed, his words hitting a chord with him. Hating the truth of them. "Stop talking about things you couldn't possibly understand."

A look of hurt flashed across Tommy's usual easy going features and Oliver immediately felt a twinge of guilt but he pushed it down, as he eyed the many bottle of vodka's behind the bar, trying to decide which one he wanted to take was bettter than focusing on the fact that he was bing a asshole to Tommy of all people. 

"You're right." Said Tommy, eyes on the bar. "I can't possibly understand what you or Felicity went through. I know loss but I've never known the loss of a child and I hope I never do." Tommy lifted his eyes from the bar and turned his head to catch his friend's eye. "I couldn't possibly imagine Laurel getting pregnant then losing the baby. I don't think I could handle that. I can't say how you dealt with it was right or wrong because I honestly don't know what I would of done had I been in your shoes." 

Every word Tommy spoke was a punch to the chest, his stomach twisting in knots. "Tommy, can we please not talk about this." He said, his words coming out more harshly then he attended to. "God, I need a drink."

"No, you don't. I thought we covered this already."

Oliver ignored Tommy, pushing from his seat, struggling to stay upright but once he was steady enough he braced himself on the bar and attempted to vault himself over it. Unforunately his movement was too out of control and wobbly and he fell to the other side of the bar his head knocking against it as he tumbled off it with a thud. 

Tommy winced. "Ollie!" He stood up and peered over the bar, his face scrunching up at Oliver laid out on the floor behind the bar staring up in confusion. 

"Ow!" Oliver groaned, not bothering with trying to move. "That's never happened before." Tommy gave a snort and  settled back in his seat. 

"What do you want me to do with him?" The bartender asked.

"He's not getting up?" Tommy leaned over again only to see Oliver now past out. He heaved a sigh, settling back in his chair. "Let me worry about him, Adam."

Adam nodded and moved back down the bar as two girls settled at the end of the bar for drinks. 

Tommy gave another sigh, now wishing he could have a drink but he had to get Oliver home. 

~*~~*~~*~

Oliver let out a groan as he felt the sun beaming on him, he pried his eyes open and was met with the sunlight streaming in through his window. 

He let out a groan, his head pounding like a stampede of elephants was trespassing through his skull, the clock on his table was flashing red. And he gave another groan that it was almost 11. He was supposed to be at the office at 8. There was supposed to be important meetings all day he needed to sit in on with his father. 

He attempted to push up out of bed but his legs got tangled in the covers and he ended up tripping, falling face first to the floor. He gave a grunt and rolled onto his back, covering his eyes with his arm. 

God, he shouldn't have drunken so much the night before. He paused his brow furrowing and stumbled to his feet, steadying himself against the table. It was then he noticed the bottle of Aspirin and water that was already set out for him. He uncapped the bottle and downed some Aspirin with the water. 

He took a step toward his dresser, noticing he still wore the same clothes as the night before. His brow furrowed as he tried to remember last night but was coming up rather blank, he just remembered going to Tommy's club and drinking a couple shots anything more than that was lost to him.. Hell, he couldn't even remember how he fuckin' got home.

He gave a grumble as his stomach rolled and stripped off his clothes heading toward his bathroom, swearing to himself that would be the last time he was going to drink that much when he knew he had to be at the office the next day.

~*~~*~~*~

Oliver stepped into QC's lobby, dark shades over his eyes because any kind of light made his head pound something terrible, walking past people and heading straight for the elevator and pessing the button for the top floor.

By the time he traveled 9 floors he wished he had just taken the executive elevator as people kept getting on and off the elevator, the ride taking longer than he liked.

When he finally reached the top floor, he pushed through the opened doors and walked to his father's office not bothering with his assistant, he was just about to go ahead and head in but he stopped apruptly when he saw a familiar blonde ponytail sitting across from his father.

He didn't know what they were saying but his father looked serious about something. He watched as Felicity stood up and his father offering her a smile before she turned and then stopped at the sight of him.

He felt like her blue eyes was seeing through him with her gaze but then he saw her stand straigther and exit his office.

He removed his shades as she exited his dad's office, he thought she would stop and say something. He had seen her around the office since their fight but that was from a distance they hadn't actually been in the same room since besides a few meetings but during those she had been so focus on what was being discussed and he was trying to understand what was being said as much as he could.

Neither had actually spoken though so he thought she would at least say hello but instead she walked right past him, he turned and watched her get into the elevator without so much as a backward glance. 

He frowned as the doors closed just as she turned around. He felt her silence like a cold shoulder. 

"Finally decided to show up." 

He turned to see his father in the open door to his office, looking at him expectantly.

He slipped his Shades back on. "Better late than never." he muttered.

"You missed three meetings." Robert frowned. "C'mon, we'll go over what you missed and get you caught up before the next meeting at two o'clock."

"I'll take it we're skipping lunch then." Oliver grumbled as he followed his father back in his office.

"We'll have it delivered." He told Oliver, motioning him to sit across from his desk before rounding it and scooping up several files on his desk. "And take those sunglasses off."

Oliver grumbled but emoved his glasses and sat up straighter as his father handed him several files. He hated the thought that this was what he was going to be doing today when he had a massive hangover. He should have just stayed home and not deal with this today. 

Regardless he tried to focus on his father's voice as he explained what was discussed in the meetings he had missed while he flipped through the files but soon found himself unable to focus when all he could think about was how Felicity had barely acknowledged him.

It hurt. But what hurt worse was he could feel a even deeper rift between them and that rift only to seem get wider and wider. But he didn't know what he could do, everytime he tried to talk or apologize to her it was like he pushed to hard and the further she became out of his reach.

No it scared him, for the past few days he had been more concern with forgetting his problems in the bottom of a bottle but seeing Felicity moving further and further out of his reach wasn't something he could handle.

He hated the thought that this, how they were was all they were ever going to be. He was angry with her inability to talk to him and he lashed out. He knew he handled things badly but he just didn't know what to do.

He didn't know where they went from here.

But he did know he wasn't ready to give up. He would apologize about the other night and maybe get her to talk to him. If he could just get her to open up even a little he would take it as a sign that there was still a chance, no matter how small that they could one day recocile the past and hopefully move forward. Together.

Something he knew now that they should have done from the beginning. They would have been stronger for it and hopefully one day they would be.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about getting drunk or hungovers cause I don't drink so I apologize if it wasn't consistent. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity begins therapy in hopes of talking to someone would help. Someone who didn't know her and wouldn't judge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to please all my readers but I realize that's impossible. And more importantly I want to do the characters justice and the stroy I'm telling, the issues and the situations I've created justice. If you're looking for a quick resolution to Oliver and Felicity's problems you going to be disappointed. 
> 
> Oliver and Felicity have a long way ahead of them before coming together again. Now with that said I still plan on them being together, it just won't happen anytime soon. 
> 
> I want thank Lademonessa for all her words and thoughts on the characters and motivations. I would also like to think everyone whose left kudos, commented or subcribed to my story. Thanks for reading.:)

Felicity clasped her hands in her lap before rubbing nervously at her palm, glancing about the room at the neat office, the walls that framed degrees and awards and then back toward where Dr. Danvers sat across from her patiently. She looked away quickly out the window that over looked the city skyline, the sky a bright blue barely any clouds in the sky in the sunny afternoon sky.

“Felicity.” Dr. Danvers said slowly, drawing her gaze back to her. “This is our second session and you’ve yet to say one word to me other than to introduce yourself or a polite greeting. I can’t help if you won’t even say anything.”

Felicity was silent as she contemplated her words. She knew the whole point of coming here was to talk but it was a lot more harder than she thought. Just sitting across from the therapist made her feel like she was on display and she hadn’t even said anything yet. If she felt this uncomfortable, like an itch beneath her skin when they haven’t even touched on why she was here. How would she feel when she actually started talking about everything? 

Was this going to be something she could handle? 

She wasn’t sure as it were she could feel her heart pound against her ribs, her breaths quickening.

“Felicity?” She could hear Dr. Danvers but it was like it was coming through a long tunnel, it wasn’t until she felt a hand on her arm that she looked up to see the doctor had crouched in front of her and was looking at her in concern. “Breathe with me Felicity. In and out.”

Felicity acknowledge that Dr. Danvers was trying to help her and tried to match her breathing with the other woman’s, breathing deeply in and out. It took a few minutes of following Dr. Danvers breathing motions but her breaths started to even out, her heartbeat slowing back down to a more normal rate as she slowly calmed down, regaining her loss of composure. 

“Better?” Dr. Danvers questioned in a calm soothing tone. 

“Yes. Thank you.” Felicity nodded as Dr. Danvers rose, moving back to her chair across from Felicity. “I’m sorry.”

Dr. Danvers shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize.” She settled her book on her lap but made no move to open it. “Can I ask how long you’ve been having panic attacks?”

“A few years but I haven’t had one in a really long time though.” Felicity admitted. 

“And can you tell me what you think might have triggered this one?”

“I’m having a hard time opening up. It makes me feel too vulnerable.”

“That’s okay. We can take this as slow as you need to Felicity. There’s no pressure here.” Dr. Danvers assured. “Why don’t we start with something simple. What brought you to me?”

Felicity took a deep breath exhaling slowly. She could do this. “A lot of reasons. I went through a loss, two losses years ago, and I never really talked about it and I guess I’ve been bottling all I’ve been feeling inside.”

“And what are you feeling?” 

“I can only pick one emotion?” She asked wryly before continuing. “Angry, bitter, hurt, betrayed, I could keep on going but it may take up the rest of your time.”

“And what emotion do you feel the strongest?”

Felicity didn’t even have to think about it. “Anger.”

“And what are you angry about?”

“Life and..my ex..everyone trying tell me how I should feel, what I should do..at myself.” She was angry at everything, really, beginning with the unfairness that her son and her father were gone, yet she had survived and had to continue living her life without them. 

You could call it survivors guilt or whatever the hell you wanted to call it but she felt like the fact that she had survived the accident when her son and her father didn’t was wrong. Almost like it was a betrayal to them when she should have died with them.

“And why are you angry at yourself?”

“I was in an accident a few years back..I was 7 months pregnant at the time, my father was driving the car.” She paused, her mind starting to go back to that god awful day. “I survived but I lost my child and my father.”

“And you’re angry that you survived when they didn’t?”

“I don’t understand why I was the only one to survive.” Felicity looked down, her eyes burning, throat tightening with emotion. “If I survived why couldn’t they?” It was something she asked herself every time she woke up from a nightmare of that day.

“Sometimes terrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it and there’s nothing we can do about it. You have to know that the accident wasn’t your fault.” 

“I know that.” Felicity mumbled except maybe there could have been something, maybe if she went about her day different that day, her father would still be alive and she would be raising her son, watching him grow like she dreamed about. 

“But knowing that and believing that are two completely different things.” Said Dr. Danvers knowingly and Felicity found herself nodding along because while she knew deep down it wasn’t really her fault but what she felt, knew and believed were very different things. There were a lot of days where she couldn’t help but blame herself particularly on the anniversary of their death, or her dad’s birthday or the day she was supposed to have given birth to her son. 

“I get the sense that you feel you shouldn’t be here because their not.” Dr. Danvers eyed her closely. “Felicity, have you ever consider killing yourself?”

“No.” Felicity answered immediately, firmly. “I would never kill myself.” She could never do something like that. She felt that would be an even bigger betrayal to her father and son. She had been given the chance to continue living when they couldn’t. 

“Have you ever thought of hurting yourself?”

“No.”

Dr. Danvers nodded. “I hope you understand I had to ask. It seems you have what I would call survivor’s guilt.”

“Clearly.” Felicity said dryly, just now noticing that Dr. Danvers was taking notes.

Dr. Danvers glanced at the time. “Our time is up but I would like to see you in here twice a week if possible.”

“You think I’m that much of a head case?” Felicity couldn’t help how pessimistic she sounded. 

“I don’t like to refer to my patients as head cases but no I don’t think that. I think you’re in a lot of pain and that you blame yourself for something completely out of your control and your angry for the loved ones that were ripped from you but I don’t think your a head case.” Dr. Danvers gave a polite smile as she rose from her seat. “I think the fact that you’re here on your own speaks volumes for itself. The fact that you know you need to talk with someone and want to try and get help really says more than you know.”

Felicity rose from her seat nodding. Honestly she thought Dr. Danvers was just being kind but she also knew it wasn’t her job to sugarcoat things. “I think I can make two visits a week work with my schedule.”

“Good. Do you think you can do Tuesdays and Thursday around one o’clock.”

“Yes.” Felicity was sure Robert wouldn’t mind if she asked for a little personal time. Plus he never pried if she didn’t want to discuss it. It was one of the things she had come to really appreciate about Mr. Queen. 

“Okay, good. I’ll see you, Thursday. We’ll talk more than. More about your friends and family, and you mentioned an ex. I assume he was your son’s father. And we’ll get into the anger you feel for them and why.”

“Oh joy, that sounds lovely.” Felicity grumbled before hoisting her bag on her shoulder. “Thank you for your time, Dr. Danvers.”

“Your welcome.” She held her hand out. “I really do believe you seeking out help is a good sign on where your at. It was good meeting you, Felicity.”

“You too, Dr. Danvers.” Felicity returned, shaking the woman’s hand briefly. “I’ll see you, Thursday.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity wasn’t sure what she expected from therapy. She knew talking would be hard but in a way it was a relief to admit to her anger but it was also really emotionally draining even more so than she expected. And if this first session was this emotionally draining she honestly wasn’t looking forward to more sessions. But she wouldn’t back out of it now. She would follow through. It had to be better talking to Dr. Danvers than anyone else, someone who didn’t know her and was completely bias and a professional. 

After leaving the doctor’s office Felicity returned to work, she had a few meetings and she needed to work out a few kinks in her code for the new Security Cyber Wall she wanted to implement. 

When she finally got a free moment she headed up to the top floor. She saw Robert’s assistant seated at her desk. “Hello, Amanda, how are you?” She asked, stopping by the other woman’s desk. 

“I’m good, Felicity.” She smiled politely. “And you?”

“I won’t complain. “ She forced a cool smile when she saw Oliver though the glass walls of his father’s office. “Is Mr. Queen busy. I was hoping to speak with him a moment.” 

“He’s with his son.” She answered. “They were going over some proposals. Or Mr. Queen was and he was explaining it to his son.”  
Felicity nodded. She did not feel like seeing Oliver. “I’ll just catch him another time.” She turned to leave. 

“Felicity, wait.” Amanda protested. “I’m sure he can spare a moment to speak with you. He always does.” And before Felicity could tell her it was fine she already had her phone to her ear and was on the line with Robert. “Mr. Queen, Ms. Smoak was hoping you had a moment.”

Felicity turned back around and waited patiently. She didn’t want to see Oliver but nothing could be done about it right now. 

“Yes, she’s right here.” Amanda paused. “Right away, Mr. Queen.” Amanda set the phone back down and looked up at Felicity with a smile. “You can head on in.”

“Okay, thank you, Amanda.” She stood a little taller as she headed to Mr. Queen’s office ignoring Oliver’s gaze when he turned and looked at her, pushing her way into Robert’s office.

“Felicity, what can I do for you?” Robert asked, closing a folder he had opened. 

“I wanted speak with you.” She glanced furtively at Oliver before focusing back on him. “On a private matter. It’ll only take a few minutes”

Robert nodded. “Oliver could you give us a moment.”

“If it’s about the company I shouldn’t have to leave. I should hear it too. I am shadowing you.” Oliver couldn’t think of what they could possibly have to talk about that he couldn’t hear. 

Felicity frowned. “Did you not hear me when I said it was private. It has nothing to do with the company or you for that matter.”

“Then I don’t see why you need to speak with my father and not me.” Oliver insisted. “What is it you need to talk about?”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Felicity asked in disbelief. “You’re acting like a child who needs to know everything around him. I need to talk about me and that has nothing to do with you.”

Oliver was inclined to disagree he opened his mouth to argue further when he found himself being cut off by his father. 

“Oliver, I said give us a minute.” Robert repeated, settling his son with a look that left no room for argument. “If Felicity said it doesn’t concern you. Then it doesn’t concern you. Now if you would.” He waved a hand toward the door. 

Oliver stared at the both of them astounded. “Unbelievable.” He scoffed, turning around and striding out of his father’s office. 

Robert waited till his office door closed behind Oliver before focusing back on Felicity. “I apologize for Oliver’s behavior.”

“Don’t.” Said Felicity. “He’s a grown man, he can apologize for his own behavior.” Though she seriously doubted he would. “But I didn’t come here to talk about Oliver.”

Robert nodded. He didn’t argue his son’s behalf. There was some things were becoming painstakingly clear to him that Oliver still needed to do. Act more mature, grow up and learning from his choices and mistakes were several of the things he needed to do. Especially in regards to his relationship with Felicity or past relationship as it were. “What did you need then?”

“I’m going to be needing some free time during Tuesdays and Thursdays, at least an hour around one to two in the afternoon for the foreseeable weeks.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Scheduled appointments with a doctor.” Felicity admitted rather reluctantly. 

Concerned filtered across Robert’s face and he rose from his chair. He wasn’t one to pry in Felicity’s personal business but if it was serious he would want to know. “Is everything alright? Are you sick?”

“It’s nothing like that.” Felicity didn’t want him thinking there was something wrong with her. She didn’t want to tell anyone she was seeking professional help but she didn’t want Robert worrying unnecessarily about her. “I started seeing a therapist but I don’t want to make a big deal out of it so I would really appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone else.”

“Of course.” Said Robert in understanding. “That’s is your business to tell not mine. And of course you can take all the free time you need.”

“Thank you.” Felicity nodded, turning to leave. “I’m gonna get back to work now.” 

“Felicity.” 

She had turned to leave but turned back expectantly. “Hmm.”

“I’m sorry if Oliver’s presence has brought up your struggles but I’m glad you’re talking to someone.” Robert’s brow crinkled. “If you ever need anything I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me. Even if its time away. I know none of this is easy for you. Even if it’s just time. I know you and Oliver or no longer together and its completely understandable and I want what’s best for you. So for once just put your own feelings first.”

Felicity nodded and offered a smile. Feeling like Robert unlike so many of her friends, her family wasn’t telling her she needed to consider Oliver’s side of things. He was encouraging her to do what was best for her even if it wasn’t what everybody else wanted. “Thank you, Robert. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

She pushed back out of the office, Oliver who was leaning against the glass wall straightened up. “Felicity, what was that about?”

“Nothing that concerns you.” She brushed past him to the elevators but he followed her. 

“Are you being like this because of our fight?” Oliver questioned. 

Felicity ignored him, pressing the button for the elevator. 

“You’re really just going to ignore me?” Oliver wondered, watching her closely, the way her back was rigid, the stiff way she held herself, like she was guarding herself and the impassive expression she wore. 

Felicity was doing her best to ignore him. He was the last person she wanted to deal with. When the elevator doors opened she stepped into the elevator car, turning around and pressing the button. 

“I don’t know how many times I have to say this but I don’t have to tell you anything, especially when it’s about me. Not you. Not everything is about you, Oliver.” 

Oliver struggled to respond unsure how to but it didn’t matter as the elevator doors closed. He stared at the closed doors before making a frustrated sound and stalked back to his father’s office. 

He pushed his way into his father’s office. “What were you two talking about?” 

“That is not your concern.” 

Hearing his father tell him the same thing Felicity had said had his ire flaring. “But it’s yours.” 

Robert sighed. “Oliver I will not betray Felicity’s trust simply because you feel the need to know everything going on with her. It was a personal matter and that is all I will say on it.”

“If it was a personal matter than why did she come to you?” Oliver challenged. 

“Because she needed some extra time from work and I’m her boss.”

“Why won’t you tell me what you talked about. I have a right to know.”

Robert leveled his son with a look. “No you don’t. You gave up the right to know what is going on with Felicity a long time ago. You need to accept that.” He opened his folder, and waved his son over. “Now where were we? Right, we were looking over the Menkenzie proposal compared to the Davis proposal.”

“What’s the difference both their Proposals are similar to one another?” Oliver frowned in confusion, letting the matter drop since it was clear his father wasn’t going to tell him anything.

“The devil is always in the details Oliver. No matter how small or varying you just need to know what to look for.”

“Right.” Said Oliver though to be honest he could care less. If he was honest his reasons for coming back to the company were purely selfish.

He had just wanted every opportunity to encounter Felicity, hoping that their close proximity would open the doors to rekindling their past relationship but it was becoming increasing apparent that their painful history was not in the past as one would think. 

Being around one another seemed to be opening old wounds and pouring salt in them, making the pain worse and it seemed nothing he did help the wounds heal.

But he desperately wanted to and maybe then he and Felicity would take a chance to try again. Or at least open the door to the possibility for something more between them. Something better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave a comment. I always reply back. Until next time..)


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity has a second sesson with Dr. Danvers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I want to address a couple things. I know as a writer I should be bias but I am firmly team Felicity and that might come across in my story but that doesn't mean I have anything against Oliver. I just think Oliver has some growth to do in my story. 
> 
> Secondly, it occured to me that I might be offending some with the therapy session scenes and that is not my attention. If it really bothers anyone I'm sorry. And I hope you can forgive my inaccuracies. 
> 
> I'm not a very emotional person and emotions are something I struggle with but I hope i manage to get emotion to come off well in my writing. 
> 
> This is unbetaed, so all my mistakes are my own. My grammar could use some work so i'm sure there are some mistake. Hopefully there aren't too many though. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone whose still reading. Happy reading.:)

Felicity looked up when she heard someone sit in the booth across from her at Big Belly Burger. She had left the office after working late and decided to get some take out and figured she go to her favorite diner. 

“Hey, it’s a bit late to be in the Glades by yourself.” Roy frowned at her. 

“I was working late and was craving the food from one of my favorite places. It just happens to be in the glades.” Felicity gave a careless shrug. “What are you doing here?”

“I live around here remember?” Roy teased, knowing she did know where he lived, having come to see Thea at his place on more than one occasion. 

“I meant here as in Big Belly.” Felicity rolled her eyes. 

“Wanted to grab a bite to eat before I need to head in for my late shift at the club.” 

“How’s working there going?” Felicity wondered. 

“I get to punch assholes in the face when they don’t know how to back off so it’s going pretty good in my opinion.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I thought you were bartending?”

“Oh, I am but beating up assholes and throwing them out is my favorite part.” He gave a crooked grin. 

“I can see how you clearly enjoy that.” Felicity replied teasingly.

“Usually when you’re here I see you with Digg or Sara.” Roy commented. “Why are you here alone?”

“I just wanted some time to myself.” Almost every time she was with her family or her friends Oliver always became the topic of discussion and she didn’t want to hear for the billionth time how she should consider what Oliver went through, how he was feeling. Okay she was probably exaggerating, It wouldn’t be for the billionth time but she was only exaggerating a little. It was like what she went through, what she felt came second to what Oliver was feeling. 

Roy nodded. “Let me know when you get ready to leave. I’ll walk you to your car. The last place a woman by herself should be is in the glades at night.” 

Felicity appreciated his concern but it was unnecessary to her. She was capable of taking care of herself.

“You don’t have to get a different table.” Felicity frowned. It would be rude to make Roy go to another table. Not if he didn’t want to. “We can share the booth.”

“Are you sure? I thought you wanted some time to yourself?” Roy sat back down slowly. 

“As long as we don’t start talking about Oliver, I wouldn’t mind if you stayed.”

“Why the hell would I want to talk about that asshole?” Roy scoffed, a frown marring his jawline. 

Felicity quirked an eyebrow in surprise. “What did he do to you?”

“He didn’t have to do anything to me. What he did to you was a dick move. You deserved better than him just bailing on you.”

“Huh?” Felicity tilted her head at him. “You’re the first person not to tell me I need to consider his feelings.” 

“Screw his feelings.” Roy shook his head. “Let’s talk about something else. Talking about Oliver just makes me want to punch something.” 

“I’m sure that makes things easy with you and Thea. Thoughts of her brother inspiring violence in you.” Felicity teased lightly. 

“It keeps things interesting.” Roy said, waving over a waitress and ordering. 

They fell into a comfortable silence until his food was delivered. “Are you going to this fancy party or whatever this weekend?”

“Yeah.” Felicity nodded. “I assume Thea’s dragging you to the Gala.”

“Unfortunately.” Roy mumbled, the fancy parties were never his thing. 

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” 

“You say that now but wait till we’re actually attending this thing and you’ll be wishing for an escape.” Roy popped a fry into his mouth.

“That’s probably true but unlike you I have no responsibilities to anyone whose going to be there and can leave anytime I wish.”

Roy mock glared at her. “Your horrible.”

“No, I’m not.” Felicity smiled amused. 

“You’re right you’re not but the least you can do is offer to keep me company when Thea’s busy mingling with the rich.” 

“I suppose I could do that for a friend.” Felicity conceded. 

“Psh. Friend. We know I’m more like another brother and on that note anytime you want Oliver punched in the face just say the word.” 

Felicity’s lips lifted into the smallest of smiles but it was still a smile nonetheless. 

And Roy took a sense of success in that smile after noticing her when he first come in, seeing her eating by herself, looking like she hadn’t smiled in days. He was at least glad that he could offer even a little bit of comfort and good company to her enough to get any semblance of a smile no matter how small. 

“Can you stop picking at your dinner like a bird and actually eat?” Roy motion to her food which Felicity had been tearing her sandwich apart but not eating it. 

Felicity sighed and instead tore off a small piece of fry and popped into her mouth, chewing slowly aware.  
She ate what she could but she wasn’t all that hungry but knew she needed to eat, she was pretty sure if she wasn’t so aware of Roy’s observant gaze she would have just ended up pushing her food around and not actually eating it. 

Even so Felicity missed Roy’s look of concern.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“How would you describe your relationships with your friends and family?” Dr. Danvers inquired. 

Felicity paused. It sounded like a pretty straight forward and simple question but for her it was more complicated than simple. “It’s complicated.” She settled on. 

“And was that always the case or is that a recent development?”

“Things changed after the accident and then again recently.”

“And what changed?”

“After the accident and the lost of our son, Oliver joined the army but now he’s back and it’s complicated things because we have the same circle of friends and I don’t know I guess they feel torn between us. Not to mention he’s best friends with my older brother.”

“Tell me is your history with Oliver complicating your relationships with the people in your life or is it the accident itself?”

“I don’t know.” Felicity sighed. “I think it’s Oliver and myself that’s made things with my family and friends so complicated.”

“How so?”

“Things just aren’t good between us.” Felicity grabbed her bag, fiddling with the zipper needing to be doing something with her hands. “He comes back and he expects everything to be, I don’t know, like it was before the accident and it can’t be. And I can’t just pretend like he didn’t abandon me when I needed him the most.” The more she spoke about it the angrier she got. “How does he think he can come back here and expect things from me when he was the one who left?”

“And what do your friends and family think?”

Felicity frowned. “They think I should consider Oliver’s side of things. But what about my side of things? What about how I feel? It’s like everything I went through doesn’t matter on the larger scale compared to Oliver’s pain. And how is that fair?”

“It’s not.” Dr. Danvers told her. “And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel frustrated and angry.”

“Is it? Cause it doesn’t feel that way. Not when everyone tells me I should consider Oliver’s pain. They all keep saying their not taking sides but it doesn’t sound that way. It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like their choosing Oliver and I’m the one in the wrong here.” Frustration came off her in waves, she felt the sting of angry tears, and removed her glasses rubbing at them. “It feels like I don’t have the right to be angry or frustrated or sad. Like I’m the one at fault here for everything.”

“Felicity,” Dr. Danvers held a large note of compassion in her tone. “None of what happened is your fault. Your father dying, the loss of your child, the accident, Oliver leaving, none of that is your fault.”

“But isn’t it?” Felicity had slipped her glasses back on and looked back to Dr. Danvers. 

“No.” Dr. Danvers shook her head. “It’s not. It may feel that way but it is not your fault. And your friends and your family telling you over and over that you need to think about Oliver in all of this isn’t doing you any favors in realizing that you did nothing wrong.”

And despite being upset and frustrated Felicity felt the need to come to the defense of her friends. “They mean well.”

“I didn’t say they didn’t but sometimes the most well meaning intentions do more harm than good. They may think their helping but their not. Their manipulating you, making you feel worse than you already do in hopes that you’ll do what they want and accept Oliver and this misplaced blame that this is your fault. They may not even be aware that that is what they are doing but that doesn’t make it okay.” Dr. Danvers stressed. “The people who are supposed to be supportive and helping you through this difficult time, making your life better have surrounded you in this toxic environment that is not helping you but only makes things worse for you in the long run.”

Felicity frown as she thought over what Dr. Danvers was saying. “I don’t..I don’t know what to do. Their my family, it’s not like I can just cut them out of my life.”

“And I’m not saying you should.” Dr. Danvers assured her. 

Felicity’s brow creased in confusion. “Then what are you saying?” She questioned carefully. 

“Felicity this is only our second session and I can already read between the lines and know that you feel like you can’t be angry. Like you don’t have the right to be frustrated and upset. You feel like the last thing you should be doing is raging against the people in your life. You’re bottling up all these negative emotions inside and that’s not good for you. It’s not healthy.”

Felicity resisted the instinct to get up and just leave because everything Dr. Danvers was saying was exactly what she felt and she suddenly felt very transparent sitting there across from Dr. Danvers like nothing was hidden, like everything she’s ever been through and felt was at the surface, exposed for the world to see. In that moment she felt so vulnerable, that she would shatter like glass if handled wrong. 

Felicity hated the feeling. She didn’t want to be vulnerable. She didn’t want to shatter, she felt like she was barely holding it together as it was. When you were vulnerable you can be hurt. And God, she was so tired of hurting, of feeling. It was just easier to bottle everything and push it so far deep down inside that she only felt what she wanted to feel even if what she wanted to feel was nothing. 

“It may seem easier right now to just push what your feeling away but you shouldn’t.” Dr. Danvers said meaningfully as if she saw exactly what Felicity had been thinking. 

“You have the right to feel sad about what happened. You have the right to feel disappointed in your family, you have the right to be upset with your friends, you have the right to feel frustrated and you have the right to be angry with Oliver. With everyone.”

Felicity looked up at that, feeling the ever present knot of guilt for feeling the way she did ease. 

“And you shouldn’t have to hide what you’re feeling. If you need to yell and rant and rage then do it. Don’t be scared of hurting anyone’s feelings.” Dr. Danvers continued, catching Felicity’s eye. “You have the right to tell your friends that you don’t want or need their opinions. You have the right to tell your family how much it hurt that they couldn’t stand beside you. And you have the right to rage at Oliver and tell him he has no right demanding anything from you.”

As Felicity listened to Dr. Danvers words she felt a weight lift off her chest, a sense of relief washing over her. For once she didn’t feel like she was in the wrong. 

Maybe this therapy thing wasn’t such a bad idea. Perhaps it was exactly what she needed.

“Felicity, don’t hold back on what you’re feeling. Bottling everything you’re feeling is not helping you in the long run. Express what you’re feeling no matter how harsh or brutal or ugly it might be. Your family, your friends, Oliver, may not like it but I think it’s time that they realize what they have been doing has been everything but helpful. And I promise you’ll be better for it, that pit, that knot in your stomach that you undoubtedly feel will loosen and you’ll feel better for it. Trust me.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ 

Felicity browse the frozen ice cream section until she found the kind she wanted, she just placed it in her cart when she heard the excited voice of her nephew. 

“Aunt Felicity!” Right before a small body slammed into her, small arms wrapping around her legs.

Felicity grinned and scooped him into her arms. “There’s my little man. What are you doing here? Hmm?”

“Shopping.” AJ gave a shrug. 

“AJ, what have I told you about running off.” Carly scolded. 

AJ turned his head to look at his mom. “But I saw Aunt Felicity.” He said it as if that explained everything. 

“I can see that but I still don’t want you running off.” Carly said sternly before looking to Felicity with a smile. “Hey Felicity, getting some shopping in?”

“Yeah, I managed to get everything done at work early so I figured why not? You?”

“Just getting a few things before I need to drop AJ off at his friends house.”

“We’re having a sleepover.” AJ exclaimed excitedly. 

“Oh, really, a sleepover and you didn’t invite me?” Felicity grinned down at the boy. 

“It’s not for grown ups.” AJ scrunched up his face. 

“Oh, damn, that’s too bad.” Felicity pouted. 

“Maybe you can have one with mommy.” AJ suggested. 

“I’m sure your mother will want to spend time with your dad.” Felicity said, smiling in Carly’s direction. 

“Daddy’s at work.” AJ shook his head. “And mommy’s gonna be by herself tonight.” 

“Alright, blabber mouth, c’mere.” Carly reached her arms out for her son, Felicity handed him over to her. “That’s enough of telling mommy’s plans for the leaving.” Carly rolled her eyes, sharing a look with Felicity. “But if you want to come over for dinner, I’m not opposed to some company.” 

Felicity had planned on spending her evening, catching up on her shows that have been recorded on her DVR for two weeks now and it was easier being by herself. Felicity hesitated on answering not wanting to come off rude or hurt Carly’s feelings. 

“You don’t have to, of course.” Carly told her. “I understand if you rather spend you’re evening alone.”

And Felicity smiled gratefully. “Thank you for understanding. I just want some time to myself.”

Carly nodded in understanding, reaching out and giving Felicity’s hand a comforting squeeze, AJ looking between them with furrowed brows. “Why would you want to be alone?” 

“Sometimes grownups just need some time to themselves.” Carly told him. 

“Even you, Mommy?”

“Even me.” 

“Grownups are weird.”

Carly huffed a laugh, shaking her head and sharing a look of amusement with Felicity. 

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity glanced up at the small house from her car, parked in front of the home, hesitating. 

She had been at home watching her shows but she couldn’t get her mind to quiet down enough to really pay attention to what was happening. Instead she kept thinking about her session with Dr. Danvers and how finally talking about it while it was helping it was also making the bad memories come back to the surface and with them the pain and she suddenly didn’t want to be alone. 

She thought about calling Sara but decided against it, feeling like she couldn’t really reach out to her not unless she wanted to hear more about how she should consider things from Oliver’s perspective. And she didn’t want to burden her mother. 

And found herself here. But now that she was just outside she was second guessing her decision to come here instead. She took a deep breath, letting it out before forcing herself to get out of her car, go up to the home and knock on the door before she changed her mind. 

But not five seconds after knocking she decided she shouldn’t be bothering anyone with this. She could handle it on her own. It’s what she has always done. “This was a bad idea.” She muttered, turning back around and walking back to her car. 

She was halfway down the walkway when she heard her name. “Felicity?” She turned back around and saw Carly standing there with a confused look.

“Um, I was just leaving.” She mumbled. 

“Okay but correct me if I’m wrong you came here for a reason.” She stepped out onto her porch. 

“I did but I changed my mind.” Felicity muttered. “I was..” She sighed, looking away from Carly. “I was having a bad night. It just one of those nights, you know? When it’s like it just happened yesterday.” Her voice cracked a ball of emotion lodging in her throat, she took a moment to clear her throat. “I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t know where else to go.” 

Carly gave her a soft smile, one full of kindness and understanding, pushing her front door open wide, she nodded her head in the direction of the house and stepped aside. “Come inside.”

Felicity hesitated. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“You’re not.” Carly assured her. “Besides I could use the company, too.”

“Okay.” Felicity said after a moment, walking up the steps and into Carly’s home. 

“I just finished eating dinner but there are some leftovers if you’re hungry?” Carly said, walking deeper into her home, toward the living room and Felicity trailed behind her. 

“Thank you but no. However I wouldn’t say no to some ice cream.” 

“Mint chip, right?” Carly walked toward the kitchen and Felicity followed. 

“If you have it.” 

“Well, you’re in luck, I like to have Mint Chip from time to time myself.” She said grabbing the ice cream from the freezer. “Could you grab us two bowls from the cabinet on the right and two wine glasses?” 

Felicity nodded, retrieving the two bowls setting them on the island counter and then turning back to get the requested wine glasses. “Any chance you have any red wine.”

Carly nodded. “Fortunately, I do.” She set a bottle of red onto the counter

“Oh, you are too kind.” Felicity reached for the wine. “Wine opener?”

“Second cabinet on the left.”

Felicity retrieved the wine opener and used it to open the wine as Carly filled the two bowls with ice cream and grabbed two spoons. “Living room?”

Felicity nodded, grabbing up the two wine glasses and the bottle of red, following Carly to the living room and settling on the couch.

“So what are you feeling?” Carly wondered settling the bowls on the coffee table in front of the couch reaching for the TV remote? “Romance? Comedy? Horror?”

Felicity tilted her head. “Hmm,” Setting the wine glasses on the table and the bottle of red, settling back on the other end of the couch. “How about a ridiculous sitcom?” She suggested. She didn’t want watch no damn romance flick or horror movie. 

“Alright.” Carly flipped through the channels settling on some old reruns of an old sitcom that came on regularly. 

Felicity poured the wine into the two wine glasses, placing one in front of Clary on the coffee table and Carly handed her a bowl of the ice cream and settled back onto the couch. 

She half expected Carly to start asking her questions, prodding her to talk and felt relief when Carly simply started talking about how AJ was doing in school, how things were at Big Belly Burger and how Andy had started working night shifts more often the last few weeks and the only questions she asked her was how work was going? Not prodding Felicity at all. 

Felicity remembered Carly’s offer to be there if she needed to talk and was relieved that Carly wasn’t pushing for her to. She didn’t feel pressured into anything like she had to talk because she owe some kind of explanation to her, like the way she felt when Sara, Thea or Digg tried to get her to talk. 

She took a small drink of her wine, while listening to Carly, feeling like she could just sit without Carly expecting anything from her.

Almost an hour later found her on her fourth glass of wine and at some point Carly and her had turned the channel to How I Met Your Mother, but when the scene when Lily leaves for San Francisco came on Felicity surprisingly found herself talking to Carly about Oliver or ranting was more like it.

“He’s the one who left. Not me but somehow I’m the one to blame. I’m the one whose the problem.” 

“You did nothing wrong, ‘Licity.” Carly said instantly. “If Oliver wanted to be with you he should have stayed.”

“Exactly! What kind of crap is it that I’m the one whose to blame just because he’s back now. And I’m supposed to what just forgive him for abandoning me in the worst time of my life.”

“I wouldn’t.” Carly said pouring her another glass of wine after realizing it was empty. “If Andy did to me what Oliver did to you I would slam the damn door in his face. Oliver has some nerve.” 

“Now’s there’s a thought.” Said Felicity, pointing at her. “That, that is a good idea! A great idea! That’s an idea I can get behind. I love your ideas Carly.” 

Carly gave a chuckle. “I think you’re a little drunk, Felicity.”

“No, I’m not.” Felicity paused, glancing at her near empty glass. “I’ve only had like three maybe four..” She trailed off. “Okay, I might be _slightly _drunk but not enough where I don’t know what I’m saying.” She paused. “Why does Oliver think he can come back here and expect me to just fall in his arms and to pick things up like none of the past has happened.”__

__“I think It’s how he was raised. Whenever he screwed up or made a mistake, he’s always had his family or his family’s money there to fix things for him. But they can’t do that this time and he’s just now realizing that this is something he can’t just sweep under the rug and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.” Carly wasn’t sure what went on in Oliver’s mind but she didn’t really care. What he did was wrong and he should have to deal with the consequences of his poor decisions. “But I don’t much care about what he wants.”_ _

__“Me neither.” Felicity grumbled. “He left me.” She felt the burn of tears and she tried to blink them back. “God, I hate crying. Oliver doesn’t deserve my tears. I hate being weak.”_ _

__“Hey, you’re not weak.” Carly grasped her hand. “You’re right Oliver doesn’t deserve you crying over him. He doesn’t deserve anything from you besides a punch in his face or anywhere else you might want to hit him.”_ _

__Felicity gave a watery laugh at that, as her eyes shined with unshed tears._ _

__“But you are not weak. Crying doesn’t make you weak, Felicity.” Carly continued, placing her wine glass on the table while keeping Felicity hand in her own. “You are one of the strongest people I know. I couldn’t go through what you’ve been though and still come out the other side. I can’t imagine ever losing AJ and then have Andy abandon me, not to mention losing my father. I wouldn’t survive it.”_ _

__Carly’s hand tightened around Felicity’s in comfort. “Honestly, I don’t know how you have. You’re stronger than even you know. It’s okay to cry, it doesn’t make you weak.”_ _

__Felicity nodded jerkily, a quiet sob building in her chest and getting stuck in her throat, the tears escaping her eyes creating wet trails down her cheeks._ _

__“And I don’t think you’re crying for Oliver.” Carly murmured softly, brushing Felicity’s hair back from her tear stained cheeks. “I think you’re crying for all that you’ve lost and that is okay. Your crying for what you and Oliver could have had, for your father and for your son, for yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing.”_ _

__A sob tore through Felicity’s chest, emotion clogging her throat and she set her glass down shakily before covering her face, crying into her hands, her shoulders shaking._ _

__“Come here.” Carly pulled her hands from her face gently, pulling Felicity into her arms and Felicity clutched at her sister-in-law, allowing herself to actually break in front of someone._ _

__Carly rubbed Felicity’s back comfortingly, feeling her shoulders shake with the force, she was glad to be some kind of help to Felicity no matter how small but she hated that Felicity was hurting so much and no one seemed to care because they were too busy caring about Oliver’s pain._ _

__When Felicity’s tears finally subsided she pulled back from Carly. “Thank you. Thank you for listening and just being here.”_ _

__“Of course.” Carly told her, rising from her couch. “I think we had enough wine, I’ll be right back.”_ _

__“Okay.” Felicity mumbled, settling back against the couch cushions as Carly gathered up their bowls, wine glasses and near empty bottle of wine._ _

__However when Carly returned to the living room a few moments later she found Felicity had fallen asleep on the couch._ _

__She went to the linen closet and retrieved a blanket and a pillow. She gently lifted Felicity’s head, sliding the pillow beneath her head and to Carly’s surprise was able to do so without waking her. She shook out the blanket and placed it over Felicity, tucking her in. She turned off the TV, followed by the light._ _

__Felicity settled deeper into the couch her hands curling toward her chest, clutching the blanket to her but she didn’t wake._ _

__Carly went about cleaning up the kitchen. She was glad that Felicity had decided to come over and that she could just listen and allow her sister-in-law to vent._ _

__She hoped it helped Felicity. Even if it was just a little. And she hoped after tonight Felicity would know that if she ever needed to talk, needed someone to listen. She would do that for her._ _

__She knew Felicity and her weren’t as close as her and Lyla or her and Sara but she would be here for her if that was what she needed._ _

__~*~ ~*~ ~*~_ _

__Felicity awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs the next morning, she sat up slowly, pushing off the couch and found Carly at the stove and her brother Andy, drinking a cup of coffee._ _

__Andy looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and offered his sister a smile. “Morning or afternoon as it were.”_ _

__“Afternoon?” Felicity’s eyes widened, looking toward the clock on the stove where it read 12:33. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I never sleep in past 9.”_ _

__“We were up pretty late.” Carly turned off the stove, placing a bowl of sausage’s, next to a plate of bacon and eggs. “Hungry. I made enough for everyone.”_ _

__“Not really.” Felicity shook her head._ _

__“You should really eat something Felicity.” Andy stood up and gave her a light nudge toward the kitchen table, waiting till she sat down and sat a plate of eggs and bacon in front of her with a slice of toast. “Your too small, you need to take better care of yourself. If I didn’t know better I would think you had a eating disorder.”_ _

__Felicity rolled her eyes. “I don’t’ have a eating disorder.”_ _

__“Prove it by eating some lunch.” Andy said, grabbing up his cup of coffee._ _

__“This is breakfast food.”_ _

__“Just eat will you.” He called over his shoulder as he left the kitchen._ _

__Felicity grumbled to herself, tearing off a small piece of the toast and popping it into her mouth._ _

__“He means well.” Carly said, taking a seat next to her, placing a fresh cup of coffee in front of Felicity._ _

__Felicity swallowed before responding “I know.”_ _

__“Did you sleep well?”_ _

__“I did. That couch is surprisingly comfy.” She took a small drink of the coffee Carly had sat in front of her. “Thank you.”_ _

__“Your welcome. “It’s not star bucks or anything, but it’s good, right?”_ _

__“It is. But that wasn’t what I meant.” Felicity looked to Carly in completely sincerity. “Thank you for last night, for just listening and being there. It was what I needed.”_ _

__Carly smiled at her genuinely. “You don’t have to thank me for that. Anytime you just need a shoulder to cry on, a willing ear to listen. I’m here if you need me.”_ _

__“I really appreciate it.” Felicity told her honestly. “It meant a lot to me just having someone be there for me.”_ _

__“I’m glad.” Carly smiled. “But if you really want to thank me you’ll eat something. Andy wasn’t wrong. You’re too skinny and you need to take better care of yourself.”_ _

__“Alright, alright.” Felicity said, taking a bigger bite of her toast making a show of actually eating her food._ _

__Carly grinned. “Now was that so hard.”_ _

__“Extremely.” Felicity retorted but shared a smile with Carly. Feeling closer to Carly then she ever had to the other woman. Maybe she should take Carly up on her offer to talk more often. And she would do the same for Carly if she ever needed to do the same._ _

__She offered Carly another smile, digging into her food just as Andy returned to the kitchen joining them at the table, feeling slightly better than she had the night before._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be mad at Roy or Carly too much for their comments about Oliver. They just really hate what he did. 
> 
> I might be taking a temporary break from this story. Because it's kind of stressing me out and when I'm stressed I don't feel like writing anything let alone post. Sorry.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter at first and really didn't like it but as I pushed through it grew on me. 
> 
> You get to see what Tommy and Laurel's thoughts on the Oliver and Felicity situation. 
> 
> Fair warning If you're team Felicity, you're gonna wanna smack Oliver. Maybe more than once. 
> 
> Anyway, i hope you like the chapter. Thanks to everyone whose stuck with the story.

 

Oliver tried to pay attention to what was being said. He knew he needed to. This meeting could have been important as his father and Walter talked with Felicity and several of the other head of departments along with Ray Palmer who was trying to make a case of why a partnership between their two companies was a good idea for both their companies. But he just couldn’t bring himself to focus.

Not with the way he could see Palmer had Walter, his Dad and Felicity eating out of the palm of his hand as he talk about some form of Nano tech or another.

And he could see by the way Felicity’s face lit up that she was interested in learning more about whatever this Nano tech was.

Walter seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of a collaboration project with Palmer Technologies. And his dad was focusing on the numbers and how this might effect their stocks.

He knew he should at least be trying to follow along with it all but he just couldn’t. Felicity hadn’t so much as acknowledged his presence since the meeting began and barely even glanced his way. And it bugged him.

The least she could do was not ignore him like he wasn’t there.

When the meeting finally came to a close and Walter and his dad were shaking hands with Palmer, he took it as an opportunity to speak with Felicity.

“Could I speak with you a moment.” He asked her quietly, placing a hand on her arm.

Felicity glared down at his hand, removing it from her arm and stepped to the side a few paces. “What is it?”

“I wanted to talk about that argument we had?”

“Which one? If case you failed to notice we argue all the time? And I’m tired of it.”

“And whose fault is that?” The words were out before he realized what he was saying and winced once he heard them.

“Excuse me? Are you implying that all our fights are my doing?” Felicity couldn’t believe him. Here he was blaming her. Again.

“Well maybe if you were just a bit more reasonable.” Oliver muttered.

“Reasonable?” Felicity echoed. “You think I haven’t been reasonable?” Did he think everything was so easy for her? “Oh I have been plenty reasonable and I’m sick of being reasonable so keep on pushing Oliver and I’ll show you what I look like when I’m _not_  being _reasonable_.”

Oliver glared. “Why do you have to make everything so difficult?”

Felicity matched his glare with a heated one of her own. “Why do you have to be a selfish jackass?” She hissed at him.

“Excuse me?” Oliver growled out lowly.

“Do I need to repeat myself?” Felicity didn’t know how he managed to ger her angry so fast but here they were sniping at one another.

A throat cleared reminding them they weren’t alone and Oliver turned to see his father and Walter waiting by the door with Ray Palmer just a few feet away, looking awkward for having to interrupt them.

“I don’t mean to interrupt but Ms. Smoak I was hoping I could convince you to join me for lunch?” Ray looked to Felicity, seeming both hopeful and hesitant.

Oliver found himself glaring at the man as Felicity glanced at Palmer in surprise.

“Strictly business.” Palmer rushed out quickly. “I have a few Tech questions to ask you and you’re opinion in general on some of the projects I’m working on. Walter and Robert both speak very highly of you’re expertise.”

“Of course, I would be happy to answer any questions you might have.” Felicity sent Oliver a glare before walking toward the door. “There’s a restaurant not far from here where I have business lunches.”

Oliver watched with a scowl as she left with Palmer.

Walter glanced back at him then looked to Robert before taking his leave, telling Robert he would see him at the charity gala tonight.

When it was just his dad and him left in the conference room, he noticed his father jaw was set into a deep frown.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Earn himself a head shake from his father in response.

“What you’re doing it’s not helping anyone. Definitely not yourself.”

“Me?” Oliver asked in disbelief. “This isn’t my fault.” He defended and was surprised by the look his father gave him. He didn’t have to say it. He could see it in his father’s eyes that he disagreed and with another shake of his head, blowing out his breath he watched his father leave the conference room.

He scowled deeply, cursing under his breath.

Okay maybe he hadn’t put his best foot forward with Felicity today or lately at all but it wasn’t like he was purposely trying to sabotage himself.

Every time he tried to apologize or make any kind of progress with Felicity she shot him down and he couldn’t understand why. He apologized. Why wasn’t it enough? Any other time when he screw up, he would apologize and that was it. Why couldn’t things be like that now? Why couldn’t Felicity just forgive him?

He was sorry. What more did she want from him? What did he have to do to prove he was sorry. Usually whenever he screwed up apologizing was enough so why wasn’t it enough now?

He had wanted to talk to her and apologize but he just made things worst. Felicity had been on the defensive from the start and in turn made his own defenses on alert. And god it just spired out of control. Whenever they fought lately they brought out the worst in each other.

Fuck, how was he supposed to fix things with her if they couldn’t even be in each other’s presence without getting into a argument.

He blew out a harsh breath and shook his head. He wasn’t ready to give up on them, on Felicity but he had no idea what he was supposed to do here. He wished he had the answers. If he did maybe then he might actually get somewhere in mending fences with her.

That was all he wanted. He didn’t think that was too much to ask but it was starting to feel like it was.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The night for the gala had arrived and Felicity had opted to get ready at her own home instead of going over to get ready with Moira and Thea like they had wanted. She didn’t want to increase the risk of running into Oliver before the actual gala.

She pulled on the long green dress that hugged her curves, she pair it with a pair of silver strapped heels, her hair curled and swept over her shoulder, her make up was done perfectly, nothing to overly done that it would clash with her outfit. A pair of tear drop earrings and a silver loop necklace with a tear drop and the charmed bracelet her father had given her for seventeenth birthday that she always wore to important events.

She gave herself a once over, she thought she look pretty damn good, enough to face the world of Starling’s elite. Besides she didn’t plan on staying very long, an hour at the most, long enough to put in appearance, then she would cut out. Maybe she would swing by her mother’s, she hadn’t spent any quality time with her mother lately with just them and that was more her doing. And her mother had been hinting at having a night with just them.

She nodded at her reflection in the hallway mirror, grabbing her clutch and keys before heading out.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver walked to the bar, motioning to the bartender for a glass of scotch, leaning against the bar scanning the crowd of people in their best clothing, mingling. He saw Thea by the buffet table next to her Roy who was looking uncomfortable dressed in a tux and standing amongst the Elite, while Thea looked like she belong here.

His mother was dressed elegantly, standing with his father talking to the mayor and his wife.

He saw Tommy standing with his father looking tense and like he wanted to be anywhere than beside Malcom talking to Walter and the Starling police captain.

“Your mother did a great job in organizing tonight.”

He turned to find Laurel dressed in a dark burgundy evening gown, make up done perfectly and not a single hair out of place. “She’s always been good with planning.” He replied as Laurel motioned to the bartender as he set Oliver’s scotch down for a white wine.

Oliver reached for his glass, his hand wrapping around the tumbler. “Tommy seems like he rather have teeth pulled than be in a conversation with his dad.”

Laurel turned to look in Tommy’s direction after receiving her drink. “You know things with him and Malcom or hardly ever good.” She turned back to Oliver. “I think it’s something he regrets but it’s not something he willing to open up about either.”

“Maybe he should, living with regrets it’s a burden that weighs down on you to the point where some days its all you feel.”

Laurel's eyes filled with concern. “Is everything alright with you, Ollie?” she paused not sure if she should ask, if she should get involved but she hated seeing that look on Oliver’s face, like a kicked dog. “Is it Felicity?”

Oliver gave his head a rueful shake. “I just don’t know how reach her. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix things when she shuts me down at every turn. I’m starting to feel like everything with her is so impossible but I can’t just give up either.” He lifted the tumbler to his lips to take a large drink, swallowing the strong liquid down. “I just, I can’t, I don’t understand her anymore.”

“Neither do I.” Laurel admitted. “When you came back I thought that was it, the two of you would forgive each other and pick things up where you left off. Maybe try for a family.”

Oliver’s brow tightened. “Felicity’s not in a very forgiving mood.”

“Felicity’s she’s the most compassionate, forgiving person I know. Just give her time. She’ll come around.” Laurel believed in time Felicity would realize what she had with Oliver was something she couldn’t just let go of.

“How do you know?” Oliver didn’t know why she sounded so sure of it.

“Because when we were together. I always forgave you no matter had bad you screwed up time and time again. I always forgave you. Felicity will forgive you too.” Laurel firmly believed that if Felicity loved Oliver the way she once did Felicity could forgive him for anything like she had.

Oliver would like to think that Laurel was right but he knew she wasn’t. Felicity wasn’t Laurel. She was never one to put up with his shit. “She’s not you Laurel.” She was never willing to put up with his mistakes again and again the way Laurel had.

“You’re right. She’s not.” Said Laurel because wasn’t that the reason Oliver had fallen in love with Felicity when they had been on one of their many break ups. Felicity and her were different and there was just something about Felicity that Oliver found himself drawn to. “But if she loves you, she’ll forgive you. I firmly believe that.”

Oliver wanted to believe love was enough reason for forgiveness but he didn’t think it was gonna be enough this time. Maybe love wasn’t always enough. Oliver nodded, slowly. “I hope you’re right.”

Laurel looked at Oliver with sympathy. There had been a time when she used to wonder if Oliver hadn’t fallen for Felicity if they would have gotten back together? Would they have stayed together? Would they have been the ones getting married? Would they have had any children by now. She didn’t know but she did know she wanted Oliver to be happy.

Happy like Tommy made her. And she knew Oliver had never been happier than when he was with Felicity. for that reason alone she hoped Felicity would come to her senses and give Ollie another chance.

“Right about what?” Tommy wondered approaching them from the side, motioning to the bartender for a drink.

“That Felicity will forgive Oliver given time.” Laurel told him.

Tommy hummed in disagreement. “Continuously pushing her to do what you want isn’t helping.” Tommy couldn’t help but think that they were all so focused on Oliver that they forgot to look at it from Felicity’s perspective.

One could argue that he should be on Oliver’s side since they were best friends, practically brothers but he understood on a certain level where Felicity was coming from.

He remembered how much it hurt when his dad disappeared on him for two years after his mother died, leaving him in the care of nannies until the Queens stepped in. How abandoned he felt. How angry he felt when his father finally did come back and acted like he didn’t do anything wrong. Like he didn’t abandon his son right after he lost his mother.

His relationship with his father had never been the same. There would always be a part of him that resented Malcom for leaving him.

Tommy didn’t want that for Oliver and Felicity but he understood where Felicity was coming from. Oliver had left her and then came back as if he hadn’t abandoned her, expecting more from her than he should, than he had any right to.

“Are you saying you agree with Felicity.” Oliver looked at his friend in disbelief. “I thought you were on my side.”

“I was trying to be a good friend.” Tommy defended. “But I can see more than one side of this.”

“You can’t be serious, Tommy.” Laurel shook her head at him. “Holding something against Oliver for something that happened years ago is wrong.”

Tommy hummed in disagreement. He had mostly been silent on what he really thought about the situation because he didn’t want to drive a wedge between Ollie and himself but he hated that Felicity was getting all the blame when she was the one who’d been through the most. “I understand where Felicity is coming from.” He argued.  

“Are you serious right now?” Oliver looked at Tommy in shock.

“Have either of you tried to look at this from Felicity’s perspective?” Tommy looked between laurel and Oliver his brow tightening as he grew frustrated with their lack of willingness to see things from anyone’s view who wasn’t Oliver’s. “No of course, you can’t. You won’t even try. Well I can and I see where she is coming from because I have been there to a degree when my dad took off after my mother’s death.”

Oliver could not believe what he was hearing. Couldn’t believe Tommy was comparing what he did to Malcom’s actions. He had thought that Tommy supported him, that he was on his side, to find out that Tommy thought he was the only one to blame here, felt like a betrayal. “It wasn’t like that!” He said vehemently, drawing a few curious looks from nearby.

“Wasn’t it?” Countered Tommy. “You left her alone in her grief.”

Oliver glared at his best friend angrily, refusing to believe anything Tommy was saying. “I don’t have to hear this.” He slammed back the rest of his drink before slamming the tumbler on the bar before stalking off angrily, needing to be away from his best friend.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Laurel hissed, grabbing Tommy’s arm. “How could you say that to him?”

“Because I’m tired of keeping my mouth shut when someone I care about is drowning and no one is doing anything to stop it.” Tommy snapped. “What the hell kind of friends are we?”

“And you think laying all that on him is going to keep him from drowning?” Laurel demanded.

“I was talking about Felicity. She is the one whose is drowning. We’ve been terrible to her and we justify it by telling ourselves we’re helping but we’re not and now that Oliver is back, we’ve been all about Oliver. What about Felicity in all of this?”

“Oliver is the one whose is hurting right now.” Laurel snapped, not realizing they were drawing a crowd with their argument. “Felicity is fine. She’s always fine.”

“You’re wrong. She’s not fine. She may act like it but she’s not.” Tommy argued.

“How would you know? Has she said something to you?”

“She doesn’t have to. Felicity and I are a lot alike. We hate asking for help. And we act like everything is fine because we’re too busy putting everyone else first. We use humor to deflect what we’re really feeling.”

“Tommy, where is all this coming from?”

“Did Thea tell you about the heated argument Felicity and Oliver had at the Queen family dinner? Because Thea told me she overheard them and what she overheard was pretty harsh.”

“No. Why did she tell you?” Laurel questioned.

“Because she was hoping I would talk some since into them in the hopes that they’ll work things out. But what Thea heard being said between them sounded more like they need to take a step back from each other.”

“Ex’s fight all the time. That doesn’t explain why you’re siding with Felicity.” Laurel said stubbornly.

“Oliver left her not the other way around. She lost her dad, her son, and he bailed on her because things got to hard.” Tommy exclaimed. “How can you just dismiss what she’s been through?”

“It’s Felicity. She’s always fine.” Laurel argued, repeating her earlier words, then noticed the crowd. “Can we not argue about this here? We’re creating a scene.”

Tommy glanced around at the curious eyes watching them before turning back to Laurel. “Felicity feels emotions just like everyone else and if you can’t see that she’s in pain. You have not been paying attention, Laurel.” He downed back his shot and had the bartender pour him another.

Laurel frowned watching Tommy, she didn’t argue with him further but she disagreed as her eyes sought out Oliver and saw him now standing with Robert and Moira. She thought if anyone was drowning here, it was Oliver.

Felicity had a life here, she had a job, she had moved on from the past. Oliver was lost and trying to get back the life he lost and was finding it impossible and it was crushing him. She firmly believed that Oliver was the one drowning, who needed his family and friends to show their support and stand beside him.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity glanced around as she managed to slip into the party without much notice that she was running a bit late but she had sat in her car for half an hour, trying to build up her patience for tonight and anyone she might have to deal with.

She scanned the room, she saw Oliver standing with Thea and his parents they were talking to the Mayor and the police captain, Walter and Malcom.

She spotted Laurel and Tommy near the bar. Laurel seemed upset about something and Tommy was nursing a scotch.

She saw a few of the department heads from the company, a few from rival companies, hell, she even saw Ray Palmer which only made her think of her lunch with the man.

Hoping to remain unnoticed as long as possible, she walked over to the buffet table, where she spotted Roy coming to stand next to him, her heels clicking with her approach. “Anything good?”

Roy glanced at her. “I was starting to think you were going to leave me to fend for myself at this thing.”

“I thought about it but I figured it’d be wrong for you to face the lions den alone.” She jested, glancing at the food. “So?” She waved her hand at the food.

“Not too sure.” Roy answered looking at a platter of fancy food. “Haven’t worked up the nerve to give it a shot. Looks fancy as hell but not too sure on how good it’ll taste.” You would think he would be used to that by now after being a relationship with Thea for so long.

Felicity reached out toward the food but drew back her hand, giving it a second thought. “Do you think it has peanuts?”

Roy shook his head. “I have no idea.” He gave her a concerned look. “Best to avoid the food without knowing for sure.”

Felicity nodded vehemently. “I do not need a repeat of that pot brownie in college.” She shuddered as she remembered in embarrassment being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.

Roy quirked an eyebrow at her in question.

“Don’t ask.”

“I don’t know could be interesting.” Roy said teasingly. “I’m close to being bored to tears and I can’t be seen crying.”

“No, we can’t have that it’ll ruin you’re street cred.” Felicity quipped, staring out at the other guest and regretting it immediately when she was spotted by Thea who was waving her over. “Do you think she’s waving you over or me?”

“You.” Roy nodded his head, he wasn’t really sure but he didn’t want to go over there. “Definitely you.”

“Well, I’m not going over there alone.” She grabbed his arm and tugged him over.

Roy didn’t resist when he saw Oliver over there, figuring he could be of some help dealing with him if Felicity needed it.

“Felicity you look great!” Thea smiled. “Doesn’t she look great, Ollie.”

“She does.” Oliver couldn’t help but look her over, admiring the way the dress fit to her every curve. “I didn’t see you arrive here.”

“I was running a bit late.” She looked apologetically to Moira.

“Fashionably late is acceptable.” Moira said. “Though any later and it would have been beyond fashionably late. It’s best not to pick up Oliver’s habit of being overly late.”

“No need to apologize.” Robert told her, he didn’t think Felicity needed people admonishing her for tardiness. She was only a little late. He thought his wife should be thankful Felicity came at all, knowing how rocky things were between her and his son and for good reason.

“You got that right, Mr. Queen.” Roy piped in unapologetically. “If anyone should be apologizing for anything here, it’s Oliver.”

“Roy!” Thea exclaimed in shock at the same time Oliver growled lowly in his throat. “Excuse me?”

“I just think it’s interesting how you seem to lay the blame for everything solely on Felicity.” Roy glared.

“Now just wait a minute.” Moira cut in, tone as cold as the icy look in her eyes that she leveled Roy with. “You can’t go around throwing unwarranted accusations.”

“Unwarranted?” Roy laughed derisively.

“Yes unwarranted.” Moira glared. “Oliver did what he thought was best.”

“What he thought best was to abandon Felicity?” The disbelief clear in his voice. “No. He was being selfish and only thinking about himself.”

Oliver stepped toward Roy. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think I do.” Roy countered, jaw ticking. “I think you just can’t take hearing the truth.”

Oliver took a threatening step toward Roy and Thea followed.

“Alright, I think that is enough.” Robert stepped in between them, nudging Oliver back a step and Thea tugged Roy back, glaring hard at her boyfriend.

Felicity looked at them, she had been surprised that Roy had spoken up on her behalf, coming to her defense, going so far as to argue with Moira and Oliver and while she appreciated it she was more than capable of handling the situation herself.

A tense silence fell over them, Thea, Moira and Oliver glaring at Roy who was unrepentant, standing unmoving, eyes hard and jaw clenched.

“Felicity it is wonderful to see you.” Walter cut in, hoping to lessen the tension. “I was just talking with a few business associates from the London branch who are here on business and they would love to meet with you."

Felicity brow raised in surprise. “Why would they want to meet with me?”

“It’s no surprise that Robert and I speak very high of your intelligence and your achievements.” Walter smiled kindly. “And they would like the chance to meet the woman we speak very highly of.”

“Um, okay then.” Said Felicity, trying to shake off the surprise that Robert and Walter talk to the London branch about her. Felicity turned to allowed Walter to lead her to the business members from the London branch but paused, seeing Thea had tugged Roy to the edge of the room and the two seemed to be in a heated argument if the tense way Roy held himself and the angry look on Thea’s features was any indication.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver felt anger bubbling at the surface. “Oliver, sweetheart I am so sorry about that.” Moira told him, her hand landing on his arm. “Don’t listen to Roy, don’t let what he said mess with your head.” She shook her head, a cold look passing over her face. “I don’t know where Roy was coming from but it won’t happen again.”

Oliver shook his head. Clearly, Roy believed he was the bad guy here but wasn’t he the one trying here while Felicity didn’t seem to care at all. He didn’t know what his mother believed she could do to change Roy’s obvious opinion on the matter. Oliver glanced toward his father.

“You’re awfully quiet about this.” He noted.

Robert looked from his wife to his son, considering.

“Robert?” Moira looked at him reproachfully.

Robert sighed. “This is not the place to discuss this.” He said finally. He believed Roy wasn’t completely wrong in what he had said. The truth was he hated that his son had only thought about himself in the days after the tragic accident that had rocked their lives, turning them upside down. He was disappointed that Oliver took off the way he had.

But he had said nothing and felt he was partly to blame for Oliver’s decision. He and Moira had raised their children like they had everything and anything at their fingertips, like the world evolved solely around them. Oliver especially had this belief that it was all about him and the fact was only proven with his choices and in that respect Robert felt he was to blame. He failed to teach Oliver to stand by his family.

No, his son and Felicity were never married but she had been carrying his grandchild and even before he had genuinely thought of Felicity as family. She had made his son happy and made him a better person. He was less spoiled, less self-entitled to the world and he had strive to always do better.

He had no idea where that version of his son had vanished to because it wasn’t the one standing in front of him and it wasn’t the one who left. And he held no blame toward Felicity wishing not to be involved with Oliver again after he had left her to deal with her pain, her grief, everything on her own.

He still strongly believed Felicity to be a part of the Queen family even if her and Oliver weren’t together. Even if they never reconciled, he would still see her as a part of his family. For this very reason he felt he failed her as well because he did nothing, said nothing while she was clearly suffering.

He recognized that he should have said something to Oliver, he should have made sure Felicity wasn’t in this alone and he should of did everything he could have to convince his son to take responsibility and stay and not run away because he couldn’t handle the pain and loss. That this was something Oliver should have experienced and gone through with Felicity together.

“Really? You agree with Roy? With Felicity?” With Tommy? Oliver could not believe this. His own father wasn’t on his side. Oliver looked at his father in disbelief. “This is a bunch of bullshit. I can’t believe I came back for this.”

Robert couldn’t stop the next words out of his mouth even if he wanted to. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have left.”

“Robert!” Moira hissed as Oliver looked at his father in betrayal.

“I don’t have to listen to this.” Oliver growled under his breath, turning on his heel and moving away from his parents even as he heard his mother arguing with his father, coming to his defense.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity wasn’t sure why she was surprised that Mr. Steele and Mr. Queen had mention her, maybe it was because members from the London branch actually wanted to meet with her and actually listened to what she had to say.

It was refreshing when you were a woman with a career field that was dominated by men.

She headed to the bar after talking to them for twenty minutes, ordering her a glass of red wine as she waited for her drink she noticed Tommy and Laurel and walked over to them. “Hey.” She greeted.

“Hello, Felicity.” Laurel returned, smiling tightly.

Felicity wasn’t sure why but she thought there was something forced about Laurel’s smile. “You look great.” Felicity complimented Laurel on her purple dress, Felicity glanced at Tommy. “You looked good to.” Felicity told him with a smile. “The suit is really working for you.”

“I can make anything look good.” Tommy returned in his usual flashy for the camera way before he smiled more genuinely. “You looked beautiful tonight. Have you been enjoying you’re evening.”

“It’s been a bit awkward but I expected that.”

Laurel bit down on her cheek to keep from retorting that Felicity had only herself to blame for the awkwardness she spoke of.

Tommy nodded. “I know it can’t be easy.” He paused, debating rather he should say something or not but he was getting tired of staying quiet, afraid of complicating matters but he didn’t see how things could get much worse. “Look, I know everyone has been on your case about Oliver and pressuring you and we’ve been really crappy friends even before Oliver came back home and I’m sorry.”

Felicity hadn’t expected that and though she could see Tommy seemed really genuine, she could tell by the pinch in Laurel’s expression that she wasn’t in agreement with Tommy. “I appreciate that Tommy but I hardly think this is the place to discuss this.”

Tommy nodded slowly, he knew Felicity for a long time and well enough to know when she was choosing her words carefully as to not cause a scene. But he didn’t want that, he didn’t want her choosing her words carefully.

Sometimes he just wanted her to cause a damn scene. It was hard to tell how Felicity was truly feeling and he wish that wasn’t the case because if he knew for certain how she was feeling he might be able to, hell, he didn’t know, help, be there for her, listen, anything to make up for what a crappy friend he has been to her.

Laurel, and the others and Oliver may have been unwilling to admit the way they been treating Felicity was beyond wrong but he wasn’t. He recognized it and he knew it and he didn’t want to continue treating her the way that they all have been. After everything she’d been through, she deserved better than that from her friends. Tommy opened his mouth to tell her just that when another voice cut through, cutting in.

“Ms. Smoak.”

Felicity turned to see Ray Palmer approaching with a open smile. “Mr. Palmer.” Felicity returned, the sight of him reminding her of their lunch and his proposition.

When she had joined him for the lunch the last thing she expected was for him to offer her a job at Palmer Tech. For one he was here to broker a possible project collaberation with QC but it seemed he wasn’t above trying to steal a brillant mind like her’s away. His words, not her’s but she wasn’t about to refute it. She was brilliant, she was a damn genius. And he hadn’t just wanted to steal her away from QC but offer her the job as head of Applied Sciences of his company.

It was a huge offer and was an amazing opportunity. And she would be lying if she said she didn’t think about taking it for the first 15 seconds after he made the offer, she would be lying. She told him she would think about it but there wasn’t really anything to think about. Her loyalty was to QC and despite her history with the Queens, Robert had always been good to her and she wasn’t going to return that kindness by leaving QC for a higher position in another company. No, she would work her fucking ass off and one day she knew she would be leading projects in the Applied Science Division in QC.

“Call me, Ray.” He smiled. “I was hoping you had time to think about my offer.”

“I have thought about it and while I really appreciate your offer, I-“

“What offer?”

Felicity tensed hearing Oliver’s voice as he joined them.

“Just a business proposition.” Ray said easily. “I was hoping to steal QC brightest gem away but-“

“Felicity is not leaving QC.” Oliver found himself snapping, the very thought had a burning in his chest. He felt like he had so few ties to her these days and QC was one of the remaining ones left.

Felicity bristled. “Excuse me? What makes you have a say in this?”

“Leaving QC would be an absolute mistake on your part.”

Felicity didn’t know if she was reading into things that weren’t there but she didn’t care anymore. “Leaving QC or you? Because you made that choice a long time ago. So stop blaming me for this and own up to your own fucking shit Oliver.” The words came out harsh and unforgiving and she didn’t care because it felt damn good to say.

“You were the one who made a choice.” Oliver argued. “You could have waited for me.”

Tommy let out a heavy groan. God, Oliver was his best friend but he was such a fucking idiot. Especially right now.

Ray Palmer looked between the two feeling that he was over hearing a very personal disagreement and quietly excused himself, deciding he would talk to Felicity another time.

“Waited for you?” Felicity repeated. “I was supposed to wait for you when you ran off after I was dealing with the loss of my father and my son? Not to mention I was still recovering from the accident when you decided now was the time for you to join up?” Anger boiled at the surface but this time Felicity didn’t push it away or down. “You were supposed to stay! You were supposed be there and you weren’t. You ran away like a fucking coward because shit got to fucking hard for you and you couldn’t handle it but you know what Oliver? Life is hard and you can’t runaway every damn time it becomes too difficult for you.”

“Felicity that’s enough!” Laurel exclaimed, stepping toward Oliver.

Felicity so caught up in her anger cut a glare at the other woman. “Stay out of this Laurel. It doesn’t concern you.” She didn’t wait for the other woman to respond instead focusing back on Oliver who was staring at her dumbfounded. “I’m fucking tired of being treated like the bad guy for your choice to hightail it and leave. You were the one who left not me and I won’t just stand quietly by taking the blame anymore. You did this, not me. Accept that and move on and leave me the hell alone cause I am done being treated like everything that has gone wrong is my fault.”

“Felicity-“ Oliver started but was cut off as she shoved into his shoulder, pushing past him angrily, he turned watching as she left.

He turned back to Laurel and Tommy once she was gone, his brow drawn together in bafflement. “What the hell just happened?”

Tommy just shook his head, turning away from his friend while Laurel looked at him sympathically. “I’m sorry Oliver that was uncalled for.” She told him sincerely.

Tommy snorted a moment later and Laurel whirled around leveling him with a glare. "What is wrong with you tonight? Oliver is supposed to be your best friend. Practically your brother." She demanded quietly, seeing they had quite the audience already, watching them amongst the crowd.

"I can ask the same of you." Tommy countered. "Felicity is supposed to be your friend yet you refused to see things from her perspective, only your own and Oliver's."

Oliver drowned at their voices, their argument as Felicity's words echoed on an endless loop in his mind.

Was that how Felicity really saw him now? Someone who ran away when things got too difficult? Did she think he blamed her for everything? That when he left he wanted things to be over between them?

That wasn't what he had wanted. He wanted to escape the everyday reminder that he lost his son. He wanted to escape the pain, the grief, the overwhelming feeling of loss that threatened to consume them both but he had never wanted to lose her.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity exited the Queen home where the event was taking place and felt a weight lift off her chest.

God, it had felt so damn good saying what she did to Oliver. Was it harsh maybe but she couldn’t bring herself to care because it felt damn good finally expressing her anger instead of pushing it down.

And Still, she thought she hadn’t been harsh enough. Not with all the crap she had to endure over the years.

She stepped down the path way, not bothering looking back at the house. If she knew it would feel this good to express her anger and emotions instead of suppressing and pushing them down she would have done it long ago.

And it was such a damn relief to put herself first. And still feeling that feeling of relief, like there wasn’t this weight of pent up emotion pushing her down she decided she was done taking anyone’s crap.

It didn’t matter who they were, her friends, her family or Oliver. Especially Oliver.

She was done being a fucking doormat. She was done taking the blame and she was done putting everyone’s feeling before her own.

She deserved better than that and she wasn’t going to take anymore mistreatment silently. It was about damn time she started putting herself first.

Because after everything she endured, she deserved that much and more. And she wasn’t going to let anyone try to tell her differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone whose left kudos or has commneted or subscribe. I really appreciate it.:)


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The press paints Felicity in an unflattering light. Felicity recieves a visit from a Queen and Oliver has an unexpected visitor of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter. It's pretty Felicity-Centric. 
> 
> This is unbeta so all mistake are my own. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Usually on the weekend Felicity tended to get in some extra work but that wasn’t the plan.

She was feeling good and she just wanted to relax and enjoy the rest of her weekend stress free.

She stayed in bed till 10 which was a change since she was usually up at 6 in the morning. She didn’t bother with a shower and getting dress until it was almost noon, catching up on some of her shows but then she was getting hungry and craving Big Belly Burger. Plus she knew Carly was working today and that she would have AJ with her and she wanted to see her favorite little man.

Hence she had to get dressed and leave her house, throwing on a simple pair of black jeans and a dark green t-shirt, her hair in her usual pony tail and glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, she headed out to Big Belly Burger.

Twenty or so minutes later she was walking into Big Belly Burger, there was a bit of a crowd but Felicity ignored that and scanned the dine until she spotted Carly at the register.

She walked over bypassing the line, leaning on the counter. “Hey, pretty busy in here.”

Carly nodded. “It is, especially while trying to keep an eye on AJ.” She glanced over a booth not very far away, where AJ was seated and appeared to be coloring. “What brings you by?”

“Honestly I was hungry for a cheese burger and I wanted to see my favorite Diggle.” Felicity grinned. When Carly only seemed to be watching her, like she was looking for something, she tilted her head at her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just surprised you’re in such a good mood.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed, okay her good moods were rare but still. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well considering..” Carly trailed off.

“Considering what?”

“You haven’t see the news or read the Starling Gazette have you?” Felicity shook her head in answer. “Don’t you have an alert on your phone for when you’re mention in the news?”

“Yes but I’ve had my phone turned off since last night. I didn’t even bother grabbing it before leaving the house.” Felicity’s brow furrowed. “Why is it bad?”

“You could say that.” Carly pulled her phone out, swiping her thumb over the screen, opening it to the mobile page of the Starling Gazette and there in bold writing read.

**A NEW ICE QUEEN IN STARLING**

It was accompany by a picture of her from the gala when she was arguing with Oliver.

Ugh, she already knew this was going to put a damper on her good mood. But still she skimmed through the article.

_Felicity Smoak has been a public figure for years now. She first was on the scene when she began dating Oliver Queen in his senior year of high school. The pair continued to date all throughout college and moved in together shortly after graduating. It had only been a few months after that it was revealed the couple would be welcoming the new generation of the Queen family into the world._

_All seemed perfect in Felicity Smoak's life. The nerdy girl from a hard working family getting_ The  _Oliver Queen, Ollie, the Billionaire playboy and heir to the multi-billion dollar company._

_But tragedy struck and the fairy tale story that was Oliver and Felicity took a turn for the worst when Ms. Smoak lost the future Queen heir in a tragic accident that also claimed the life of her step-father._

_Shortly after the tragic loss Starling City's beloved Ollie Queen enlisted in the army and that seemed to be the end of their story._

_Until Oliver had returned not too long ago. Sources tell us that Oliver has been trying to reconnect with his former flame but Felicity has been less receptive of all his attempts to make amends and move past their tragic loss._

_One would think that Miss Smoak would be happy with our very own town hero's return but no all he has gotten is malice and coldness from his former girlfri-_

Felicity clicked the screen off, not wanting to read anymore. It was so typical for the woman to be vilified in the public eye because God forbid a man be held accountable for his poor decisions.

“This is a bunch of BS.” Felicity muttered, only now glancing around to see a lot of the lunch hour patrons staring at her, most with judging eyes. “Why don’t you take a picture it’ll last longer.” She sniped at a woman staring at her with accusing eyes just a few feet away.

“I take it things didn’t go well at the gala last night?” Carly wondered glancing once again to the Booth AJ was seated.

“You can say that. Oliver was being such a fucking ass and I Just, I had it and I went off on him. It might have cause a scene but it felt so damn good not to bottle everything up for once.”

“Good for you.” Carly smiled, looking a bit proud. “I have a break in thirty minutes and I want to hear all about it.”

“From the sounds of it, it’s already in the news, in the paper, on the cover of the gazette.”

“I’m sure, I’ll like your telling of it better. Besides I’d like to know how you caused a scene with the rest of the Queens and caused a fight between Tommy and Laurel. Speculation is your out to steal Tommy away from Laurel like you took Oliver.” Carly made a face at the over the top speculations of the press.

Felicity barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “Okay, first of all I am not out to steal Tommy and secondly, I didn’t steal Oliver either. I have more self respect than to play the other woman to steal someone’s man.”

“I know but the press love their stories.” Carly responded as she glanced toward an impatient customer just behind Felicity. “Look, why don’t you join AJ and I’ll bring you over some food as soon as I can. Cheese burger, right?”

“And a shake. Chocolate.” She threw over a shoulder with a wave to Carly walking over to her nephew. “Is this seat taken?”

AJ looked up with bright innocent eyes. “Aunt Felicity!” He slid further down on the leather seat. “Come color with me.”

Felicity slid into the booth beside him. “Is that what you were doing?” She glanced at his drawing. “I’m not sure if I have your talent for this.” She murmured as he made drawings of stick figures and whatnot.

“Of course, you can. You’re Felicity.” He pushed some paper toward her and a red crayon.

Felicity smiled at the way he said that and the way his eyes had lit up when he saw her or how pleased he seemed just talking with her. “I can give it a shot. How are you? Do anything interesting lately?”

“Arron, he’s my friend, I was at his house yesterday and his dog just had puppies.” The boy said eagerly. “I want one.”

“Really now? What did your parents say.” Felicity asked.

“Dad said he’d think about it.” His eager expression had fallen into a half pout but he quickly lit back up as he continued. “But mom said to ask again for Christmas and I might just get a puppy. You should get one, too!”

“They are super cute.” Felicity admitted but in all honestly, she worked too much to be taking care of a dog, it would be alone more often than not.

“Aren’t you going to color with me?” AJ said, suddenly looking at her blank paper and the crayon she yet to pick up.

“Yes.” She slid the paper closer to her, picking up the red crayon. “Yes, I am.” She idly drew while watching him with a fond smile, occasionally looking up to see people watching her and while she glared back at them in response she mostly ignored them.

Once she glanced out the window when she thought she saw a flash and saw, a few paparazzi lingering on the street and taking photos of her from a few feet back.

“Why are they taking pictures of us, Aunt Felicity?”

Felicity looked at little AJ, his face full of confusion and child innocence.

“Because you’re one cute kid and they want something to remember you by.” She had no idea how to explain why they were taking pictures of her in a way his young mind would understand.

“Would you mind moving to the back booth with me?” Felicity asked him kindly, not wanting to make him move but she rather not have her nephew end up in the media because of her.

AJ nodded quickly and Felicity could see that he was bothered by his picture being taken by people he didn’t know.

Carly came over just as they were settling in a booth in the back away from the windows, she set a tray down that was filled with three plates, three glasses, she placed a plate of chicken fingers in front AJ and a glass of orange juice. “Go easy on the ketchup.” She told him.

“Was something wrong with the other booth?” She asked as she set Felicity, burger in front of her along with her shake.

“There were strangers taking pictures of us.” Said AJ looking to his mother. “I didn’t like it.”

“It was some Paparazzi. I’m sorry.” Felicity apologized.

“It's not your fault.” Carly said in understanding, taking a seat across from them, setting her own plate of fries and burger down with a glass of water, and setting her serving tray aside. “I don’t blame you.”

“What’s a papara-papazi?” AJ frowned trying to pronounce the word.

“Paparazzi.” Carly said slowly. “They like to take pictures of other people for money.”

“That’s stupid.” He said, reaching for his food and not at all going easy on the ketchup like Carly had told him.

“Yes it is.” Carly smiled at him. “And I think that’s more than enough ketchup.”

“I like ketchup.” He grinned.

“I know.” She turned to Felicity, who popped a fry into her mouth. “So the Gala?”

“It was going fine at first. I talked with Roy for a bit before being waved over by Thea and things just took a bad turn from there. Roy called Oliver out on his behavior and Moira didn’t take lightly to it, Thea didn’t agree with it either and Oliver got defensive and it was just complicated.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked Roy.” Carly said with appreciation but don’t even get her started on what she thought of the Queen’s. Clearly Moira didn’t believe Oliver had anything to be accountable for.

Felicity went onto explain how Walter stepped in and she met with some members of the London branch before going to the bar where she ran into Tommy and Laurel. “Tommy actually apologized for how unsupportive they’ve been before Oliver returned home and more so when he did. He seemed pretty sincere.”

Carly chewed her food slowly and swallowing it down before replying. “You know, I’ve never been able to understand him. I mean, half the time when he’s in front of the camera it’s like he doesn’t have a care in the world but when he’s not putting on a show he seems serious and responsible. Sometimes its hard to tell which act he puts on is the real him.”

“I think Tommy like myself puts up barriers to protect himself.” Felicity commented. “It’s hard being vulnerable and allowing others to see that vulnerability no matter who they are. Whether their family or a complete stranger. Opening up..it’s hard. It’s unbelievably hard.”

“But you’re doing it.” Carly smiled. “And I think it’s a pretty brave thing to do.”

Felicity chewed on her lip debating whether to tell Carly or not but she felt closer to Carly now than she did most people in her life. “I started seeing a therapist.” She confessed.

“Really?” Carly asked with zero judgment. “Has that been helping?”

“It has, I didn’t really think it would. I don’t necessarily enjoy opening up to a complete stranger but I also find it some what easy to talk to someone who doesn’t really know me or the people in my life.”

“Well, you seem to be doing better to me and if that is the reason I’m glad.” Carly smiled. “Oliver should take his butt to therapy maybe he’d realize what a-“she paused glanced to AJ who was trying to multitask, by eating his chicken fingers and drawing at the same time, getting ketchup splatters on the table. “Jerk he has been.” She amended though what she wanted to say was worse than that and not for the young ears of her son.

“I don’t see Oliver going to therapy.” Felicity admitted. Hell she was still a little surprised that she had started therapy.

“So what else happened?” Carly asked before taking a bite of her burger.

“Then Ray Palmer came over and-“

“Wait.” Carly interrupted. “Ray Palmer of Palmer Technologies?”

“Yes, that Ray Palmer. Robert’s had a few business meetings with him recently. Anyway, he came over to ask if I thought about his offer –“

“What offer?” Asked Carly with interest.

“Oh he asked me to a business lunch and offered me a job at Palmer tech.” Felicity paused. “As head of their Applied Science Division.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great.” Carly smiled happy for Felicity. “That’s a huge opportunity for you.”

“I know but I haven’t given him an answer.”

“You have to take it.” Carly said, surprised that Felicity wasn’t jumping at such an opportunity. “You could have a fresh start away from Oliver and opportunities like this don’t come around everyday.”

“I know.” It was just Robert and Walter had always been good to her. “I just..I need to think about it.”

Carly nodded. “So Ray Palmer?”

“Right. So Mr. Palmer wanted to know if I had made a decision yet and Oliver showed up and God, he was being so pig-headed and we argued. He actually tried to tell me I couldn’t accept the offer. Like he had control over what I do.”

“What an ass!” Carly eyes widened, she hadn’t meant to say that in front of AJ but thankfully he wasn’t paying them any attention. “I Hate it when men think they can make decisions for us.”

“Amen to that.” Felicity agreed. “I didn’t take it to well and I finally went off on him and…”

“And what?”

“It felt..it felt really good to finally get some of the stuff that’s been weighing me down off my chest, his leaving and acting like I was the blame. It just it felt really good to not bottle up my anger.”

Carly smiled. “No wonder there’s so much coverage in the news about you and Oliver. I have to admit I would have loved to see you go off on Oliver.”

Felicity gave a small laugh. “You’re probably the only one.” Well besides Roy, she thought absently. “I left the Gala after that.”

“So telling Oliver off is what has you in a good mood.” Carly smiled. “You should yell at him more often. It’s good to see you more light hearted.”

Felicity offered up a smile. “It feels good. Thanks for listening and being so supportive.”

“Of course.” Carly smiled. She didn’t need Felicity to thank her.

“What are you doing next weekend?” Felicity wondered. “I was thinking we could do a spa day or something.”

Carly sighed in longing. “That’s sounds really good. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been to a spa. I could really use a day to just relax.” She glanced at AJ who was immersed in his food and coloring, not really paying anything they were saying any attention. “He has a mandatory sleepover with a friend of his on Saturdays and Andy’s been working more on the weekends lately. If I can get Amy to cover my hours on Saturday we could definitely make a weekend of it since I’m off on Saturday.”

“Great.” Felicity smiled. “Just let me know and I’ll set it up.”

“Will anyone else be joining us?” Carly wondered. “Thea? Laurel? Sara? Lyla? Your mom?”

“Uh, no, I thought it could just be us.” She hadn’t talk to Lyla or Digg since she started her therapy and after what happened at the gala she just didn’t really want to deal with Thea or Laurel at the moment. And as for Sara, lately she just felt like she couldn’t really talk with her cause it somehow came back to Oliver and how he was feeling and she was just done with people telling her to consider how Oliver was doing. “But that does remind me, I was going to stop in and see my mom. See how she’s doing.”

“What does Donna think of all this?” Carly wondered.

“I have no idea.” Felicity said. “She’s always likes Oliver but I know she wants what’s best for me and I just don’t want to get into an argument with her about any of this.”

“Maybe you should talk to her.” Carly suggested as Felicity took a long draw from her shake. “She might surprise you. Like you said she’ll want what’s best for you and I think she’ll be on your side. Always.”

Felicity nodded slowly, letting Carly words sink in. “Yeah, maybe I should. I’ll think about it anyway.”

Carly glanced at her watching as she finished up her food. “My breaks just about up. I gotta get back to work.”

“I was going to see if I could spend the day with little man here but with the press following me it’s probably better if I just do that another day.”

“You could keep him company if you like.” Carly offered.

“I think I will for a bit.” Felicity smiled, she looked to AJ rubbing his back briefly. “You mind if I hang out here with you for a bit?”

AJ looked up with a smile. “We can play games on my tablet.” He reached into the bag he had with him and produced the tablet Felicity remembered giving him for his birthday four months ago.

Felicity smiled as he shifted closer with his tablet. She glanced up at Carly. “I’ll give you heads up before I leave.”

“Good.” Carly smiled, reaching out and giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Felicity turned back to AJ. “So what game are we playing?”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity checked her rearview mirror to see the paparazzi were still behind her.

They’ve been following her from the moment she stepped out of the diner, shouting questions at her about Oliver, their past relationship, the loss of her baby or if she planned on rekindling things with the Queen Heir and now Starling’s very own town hero.

She had clenched her jaw, pursed her lips and kept her mouth shut in response. She didn’t plan on giving them anymore ammunition to use against her or a chance to twist anything she might say around.

Not wanting to deal with this, she was sure to lose them before finally pulling up onto her street, taking note of the familiar town car she could see parked in front of her place.

She steeled herself praying for the patience she was sure she would need.

Moments later she was closing her front door behind her, walking into her living room she was unsurprised to find a Queen waiting for her.

When she saw the Queen family town car she been expecting one of them she just wasn’t sure which Queen it would be.

“You do know it’s a crime to enter a person’s home without the person’s knowledge or consent? I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of that.”

Moira who was seated gracefully on the edge of Felicity’s couch stood in one fluid motion. “I wanted to speak with you in private, I think we gave the media enough ammo to fuel for the public to consume last night.”

“Ever heard of a phone, texting, E-mail, something that doesn’t require you to break into my home and ambush me.”

“Oh, believe me, this is not an ambush.” Moira dismissed. “And I doubt it very much that if I had extended an invitation for you to meet with me at the mansion you would have said yes. Your relationship with my son is quite strain lately.”

Felicity snorted. That was a huge understatement, if it could even be considered that. “Oliver and I don’t have a relationship of any kind.”

Moira stared at her carefully, calculatingly making Felicity feel like she was beneath a microscope. “Is that what you tell yourself? It’s a lie. There will always be something between you and Oliver. This animosity you hold for him is pointless. You both have made mistakes.” Moira cut her with a sharp look. “But it’s time you moved on from them and make amends.”

“You mean _I_  made mistakes?” Felicity shook her head, it was obvious to her that Moira believed her to be the one at fault here. “What mistake did I make? Being in the wrong place, at the wrong time? Not being strong enough to keep my unborn child safe? Grieving my child like any mother would? Holding Oliver accountable for only thinking about himself?” Felicity was getting angrier by the second. “Are those _my_  mistakes?”

“My son has done nothing wrong. He did what he thought was best for him.” Moira defended.

“But it wasn’t what was best for us.” Felicity ground out. “You can dismiss it and make excuses for him all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that Oliver ran because he couldn’t deal. Rather than standing beside me he ran because things got too hard, too difficult for him.”

“Felicity, you know just as much as Oliver does how unbelievably painful it is to lose a child.” Moira cut in sharply, looking at her like she was the one in the wrong.

Felicity felt an ache in her chest from the words alone, cutting the old wound open. “You’re right I do.” Her eyes grew wet but she refused to cry in front of Moira especially when the woman seem to believe that she was the one to blame. “But I didn’t high tail it and run away from the pain like Oliver. I didn’t spend years pretending like it wasn’t the worst moment of my life. I’ve been here trying and trying to put my life back together even though the very thought of moving forward without my son feels like a betrayal, like an insult to his memory, and like its completely impossible! You have no idea how hard it is to move on from that kind of loss. It hurts to fucking _breathe_  just thinking about _my baby_ , remembering him. At least I tried to deal with his loss which is more than I can say for what Oliver did.”

Moira’s gaze turned cold. “You’re entitled to your own opinion, Felicity, but don’t make the mistake of believing I will let you blame Oliver for this. After everything he’s been through he doesn’t deserve this from you. He’s been through enough.”

Felicity could practically hear the threat that went unsaid but she didn’t care. There was nothing Moira could do to her that would be worse than what she already been through. “He’s been through enough?” She laughed bitterly. “I’m sick and tired of hearing about what he’s been through so why don’t you do us both a favor and leave.”

Moira cold gaze if at all possible hardened. “You need to apologize to Oliver.”

Felicity gave a scoff, whirling around and yanking her front door open, throwing a pointed glare back at Moira. “I have absolutely nothing to apologize for.” She squared her shoulders. “I want you to leave.”

Moira walked forward. “Don’t make things worse on yourself, Felicity.” Moira turned on the step to face her. “Apologize to my son so you both can move on.”

Felicity glared, squaring her shoulders. “Don’t come back here, Mrs. Queen.” She didn’t wait for Moira to reply swinging her door shut with a resounding thud.

Felicity ran her hands over her ponytail, a huff of frustration escaping her, her good mood gone completely.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Master Oliver, Mrs. Smoak is here to see you.” Raise informed Oliver. “Should I have her wait for you.”

Oliver tried to think why Donna would come to see him. He hadn’t seen her since the Dinner at Digg’s and he couldn’t think of a reason why she would be coming to see him personally. “Yes, I’ll be there in just a moment.”

Raisa nodded and disappeared from the doorway of his room.

As soon as Raisa was gone he checked his phone for missed calls, or texts, something to hint why Donna might be here but he came up with nothing.

After a few moments of basically stalling he went to go meet with Donna, she was waiting in the room his parents usually entertained guest.

“Donna.” He smiled at the older woman. “It’s good to see you.”

Donna didn’t return the smile. “Did you come back here to make my baby girl’s life worse?” She wasn’t gonna to beat around the bush she came here for a reason and she was going to get her point across before leaving.

“What?” Oliver was shocked by her words.

“It’s a straight forward question and one I expect an answer to.” Donna stood from where she had been waiting, leveling him with eyes that reminded him of Felicity when she was frustrated or angry. “Why did you come back here?”

“I..I wanted to come home.” He answered, his brow furrowing.

“Is that the only reason?”

“What more reason do I need?” He asked, he wasn’t sure he liked the way she was looking at him. It wasn’t the usual warm way she would look at him, that fond motherly look he was used to. No, instead it was protective, guarded.

“Oliver just where do you think Felicity got her bullshit radar from?” Donna said sharply. “I don’t believe for a second that’s the reason you came home.”

Oliver looked away from her, avoiding her gaze. “What do you want me to say? That I’m here for Felicity? That I regret leaving? That I wish I could take everything back, make different choices? That I could somehow turn back the clock and fix everything that’s broken between me and Felicity?”

“But you can’t. You have to live with your choices just like my girl has been living with the choices you made.”

There was a tone in Donna’s voice that Oliver didn’t like. Accusation. Oliver snapped his jaw shut, biting his tongue in an attempt to keep himself from lashing out but unable to stay completely silent, he said. “I’m not the only one at fault here.”

Donna’s eyes hardened at the implication that her daughter did anything wrong. There was no wrong way to grieve. “If you need to tell yourself that to make yourself feel better. Fine. I don’t care but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re lying to yourself and anyone who tells you that you weren’t in the wrong are lying to you.”

Oliver shifted on his feet, clenching his jaw. “Why are you here, Donna?”

“If you turned on the news I think you’ll have your answer.” Her eyes hardened just remembering the horrible things the media was saying, the awful light they were painting her daughter in. Her daughter was not cold. She was not heartless. She was a young woman who lost her father. She was a mother who lost her baby before she even got the chance to really know her child. She was not this villain the world suddenly believed her to be.

“What are you talk-“

“My daughter has been through more than any one person should and alone and she is doing her best to continue going on when I can only imagine how painful, how incredibly impossible it must feel.” Donna cut him off passionately. “She doesn’t deserve to be slandered and criticized and made into the villain by the media after everything she’s been through. Everything you’ve made her face alone.”

“Just a minute I-“ Oliver started to protest but was cut off by Donna.

“I wasn’t done.” She said shortly, leveling him with a glare that almost had him flinching back from the harshness of it.

“When you came back I thought there might be a chance for Felicity and you to work things out because I remembered how much you loved one another.” Donna said simply. “I remember how happy she was with you and that’s all I want for her. I want Felicity to be happy again.” She gave her head a shake.

Oliver looked down. He remembered the days Donna spoke of. When everything was good, simple, uncomplicated.

“She was doing better and then you come back and those rare smiles, those rare moments that I’ve seen since everything. Their fading away and I hate it.” Donna stared at him reproachfully. “I hate that she’s unhappy. I hate that you’re only making it worse.” She set her jaw, raising her chin. “It has to stop.”

Oliver met her hard gaze with one of his own. “What exactly are you saying, Donna?”

“If all you’re going to do is cause my baby girl more pain I want you to stay away from her Oliver.” She said firmly, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. “She deserves more than you coming back and screwing up her life.”

Oliver blew out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t come back here to make her life worse. I came back because I-”

“Honestly, I don’t care why you came back.” Donna cut him off, eyes like steel, her voice full of determination looking like she was ready to challenged the world if she had to. “All I care about is that ever since you did Felicity has been terribly unhappy and that’s the last thing I want for her.” She leveled him with a look and Oliver felt like she was a mama bear protecting her cub and he was the enemy. “If you care about my baby girl at all you’ll stay away from her.” She turned to leave. “I can see myself out.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Donna moved toward her front door when there was a knock glancing at the clock in the hallway, seeing it was almost seven in the evening. She wondered who could be dropping by. She was surprised when she pulled the door open to see her daughter on her doorstep with a takeout bag in hand.

“Felicity! It’s so good to see you baby girl!” She threw her arms around her little girl, hugging her tightly, pulling back a moment later but still held onto her arms. “What brings you by?”

“Do I need a reason to come see my mother?” Felicity returned “I just thought it would be nice to have dinner.” She lifted the bag of takeout in her hand. “I brought Chinese.”

Donna ushered her inside, closing the door behind her. “How are you doing?” She questioned, looking at her in concern.

“I take it you saw the news?” Replied Felicity as she set the food on the coffee table before sitting at the end of the couch. “I thought you didn’t watch the news.”

Donna took a seat next to her, angling toward her. “I don’t but Quentin called and told me to turn it on and well I’m sure you know the rest.”

“I’m fine.” Felicity dismissed reaching for the bag of take out.

Donna caught her hand in her own. “Felicity.” She said softly, doing her best not to push too hard not wanting Felicity to pull away.

“Am I happy about it? No but I can’t change it.” Felicity was fighting back the urge to pull her hand away. She didn’t really want to talk about this.

“Shouldn’t QC PR or someone do something about this?” Donna questioned, releasing Felicity’s hand.

“QC PR will put the Queen image first and foremost always.” Felicity opened the takeout bag and started setting the food cartons on the table. “The less of a scandal for the Queen family the better it is for the company.” She set the bag down when she was done and turned her eyes to her mother. ”So you’ve been talking to Detective Lance a lot lately?”

Donna should have figured Felicity would have focused on that detail instead and use it to change the subject. “Not like that. We’re just friends.”

“So there’s nothing there?” Felicity wondered, it was easy to talk to her mother about this if it took the focus off her.

“I didn’t say that.” Donna sighed, and shook her head, looking at the picture on her side table of her late husband. “I just, I don’t think I’m there.” She turned her eyes back to her daughter. “Not yet.”

Felicity had noticed her mother’s gaze. She knew her mother missed her father so did she but she didn’t want her mon sad because she couldn’t move forward. “Dad would want you happy, you know that, don’t you?”

Donna reached out, and pushed strand of Felicity’s hair that fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. “I do and he would want you happy to. And I want you to be happy.”

“I’m fine.” Felicity dismissed. Happy was a foreign concept to her but it was becoming less so. She actually felt like she was making progress even if it was slow going. Like really slow.

Donna shook her head sadly, wanting to reach out but not wanting to push too far. “Felicity, please, just you don’t have to pretend. I know I haven’t really talked to you about this but I was too afraid to push. I didn’t want to push you away or force you to shut down.” She paused, taking Felicity’s hand in hers and holding it. “Just tell me really how you are?”

Felicity first instinct was to dismiss her mother’s concern but her mother had obviously been giving her space because she was afraid that she would shut her out. And she couldn’t to that to her mother when she was looking at her with nothing but genuine concern. “Honestly?”

“Yes.” Donna rubbed her thumb across the top of Felicity’s hand, a gesture of comfort.

“I’m trying to move forward. I am.” Felicity assured her, gripping her mother’s hand back. “I just, I need time and I need people to stop telling me what Oliver needs or how he feels. I need to focus on myself for once.”

“If that’s what you need to do then do it. Don’t concern yourself with anyone else.” Feeling Relief that Felicity was actually talking with her and not pulling away. She just wanted to be there for her without going Donna on her and being too pushy. “Just do what you think will make you happy and I don’t care what it is if it helps you in any way. Your well being, your happiness, that is all that matters to me.”

Felicty felt well up in her chest, appreciation for her mother. “Thank you.” Felicity reached out, pulling her mother into her. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that.

Donna held Felicity tight till she started to pull back.

“We should eat the food before it gets cold.” Said Felicity, reaching for some chopsticks. “So what did you do today? It was your day off, right?”

“I met Quentin for lunch at the new café on Benton and Paseo. But other than that I just been taking the time to myself. Did a little dress shopping. Nothing special.”

Donna didn’t bother mentioning the fact that she had went to see Oliver or what she had said to him. She wasn’t entirely sure how Felicity would take to her involving herself in her personal problems but she felt the need to protect her baby girl.

And if she had to protect her daughter from Oliver than that was exactly what she was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter. Feel free ot leave a comment, I almost always respond back..


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I'm struggling with this story but I'm trying to push past all the negatively and continue to write. Thank you to everyone who is still reading. I know this story isn't everyone's cup of tea. I appreciate it.

Felicity had been surprised when Sara had called, wanting to meet for lunch. Since Oliver had been back she felt like Sara and she had become more distant. They were talking less and when they did it was always about Oliver and the past and she was just so tired of it all. 

The only person she had talked to about the past with was her therapist. She’d feel a whole lot better with talking to her friends if they weren’t trying to get her to forgive Oliver, or trying to push him on her by throwing them together every chance they got.

She agreed to meet with Sara at the small cafe that was a couple blocks from QC. When her lunch hour rolled around she made the short walk and found Sara already there and waiting, sitting at one of the tables that were set up in front of the cafe. 

Felicity took a seat across from her. "You weren’t waiting long, were you?” 

Sara shook her head. “I just got here a few minutes ago.” 

“Okay, good.” A silence fell over them until the waiter stopped to take their order but they lapsed back in silence as soon as he was gone. 

“How-how’s work at the gym?” Felicity asked trying to fill the silence. 

“Good,” Sara answered, not going into details. “How are thing’s at QC?” 

“Busy but good,” Felicity answered, she didn't feel like elaborating and they fell into another silence.

“How are things after what happened at the Gala?” Sara wondered, breaking the tension.

Felicity opened her mouth to respond but paused when the waiter returned with their food when the waiter walked away she finally responded. “Did you see the article?” She figured that was why Sara was asking about it. Felicity didn't think there was a single person in Starling who hadn't. 

“What article?" a look of confusion crossed Sara’s face and she shook her head. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter."

Felicity frowned at Sara's choice of words. Maybe she was being sensitive about it but she felt she had the right to her feelings and the article it mattered to her. The way it painted her, making it out to be all her fault. It really rankled her and she was sick of the looks people gave her when she passed by like she was some kind of villain. 

"Laurel mentioned to me what happened at the Gala.” Sara continued, not taking notice of how her words had bothered Felicity.  

“Of course she did,” Felicity muttered and she was sure Laurel had plenty to say especially since she clearly sided with Oliver. “Let me guess she said I was terrible to Oliver.” Felicity tore at her croissant, popping a small piece into her mouth and chewing slowly. 

“Not necessarily,” Sara admitted, taking a drink of her coffee. “At least not in those exact words. She said you snapped at Oliver for no apparent reason.” 

“No apparent reason?” Felicity repeated, she shook her head. She had so many reasons to snap lately. No apparent reason, her ass. “He was an ass and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I had plenty of reason to be pissed at him.” 

Sara paused, watching her carefully. “Don’t you think you’re holding the past over Oliver’s head, Felicity? Maybe you’re projecting anger that you haven't allowed yourself to let go of?” 

Felicity pursed her lips. “Right. Of course. I’m projecting.” Felicity shook her head. How sad was it that she wasn't even surprised that her best friend wasn't taking her side for once. Feeling her appetite leave her, Felicity pushed her plate away. “You know, you’re right.” 

Sara’s eyebrow raised in surprise, she didn’t think Felicity would agree with her. Honestly, she was expecting more of an argument from Felicity. Laurel had told her that Felicity was being quite confrontational. Sara worried that her friend was letting her anger over the past send her into a spiral by pushing everyone around her away. 

“I am angry. But you know what? After everything I’ve had to deal with, I have the right to be angry but my anger has nothing to do with what happened at the gala and everything to do with Oliver being an ass and treating me like I’m the bad guy.” She took a deep breath, trying to rein in her current urge to snap at Sara. “But you're wrong too. I’m not projecting anything. I was standing up for myself.”

“Felicity, I know you feel that you’re anger is justified but-”

“Sorry, I’m late.” Thea appeared suddenly pulling a nearby chair next to Sara and taking a seat. 

Felicity’s brow furrowed in confusion. She hadn't seen or talk to the younger Queen since the Gala and her sudden appearance was throwing her. “Thea, I didn’t know you were joining us.” 

“It was last minute, Sara mentioned you were having lunch and I wanted to talk with you about what happened at the gala between you and Ollie,” Thea responded, leaning forward, her elbows braced on top of the table. 

Felicity didn’t even try to hide her groan of agitation. “Ugh, is this an ambush? It feels like an ambush.” 

“It’s not.” Thea denied with a shake of her head.  

Felicity leaned back in her chair, leveling Thea with a challenging look. “So we don’t have to talk about the gala or your brother then?”

Thea frowned at her. “I think there are some things we need to discuss but this is not an ambush. I just need to talk to you.” 

"You could've called me anytime." Felicity pointed out, arching an eyebrow. She found it pretty telling that Thea chose now to talk to her about this. 

“Felicity, Thea just wants to express her concerns,” Sara spoke on Thea’s behalf, she couldn’t help but think that Thea’s concerns were valid. It seemed more and more to her that Felicity was lashing out at her friends and everyone around her. “The least you could do is listen.” 

Felicity felt that familiar feeling of anger boiling in her gut. 

Sara's words echoed in her head. It was the least she could do? She wanted to snap that she didn’t have to listen to anything Thea had to say, anything Laurel had to say,  _ hell _ even anything Sara herself had to say. She didn’t have to listen to anyone but herself. But instead, she gestured with her hand for Thea to go ahead, fuming internally. 

“I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten between you and Ollie. But after the Gala, I’m starting to get an idea.” And Felicity didn’t like the judgment she could hear in Thea’s voice or the look of accusation in her eyes. “I mean, the other night was uncalled for. I really think you should apologize to Ollie.”

Felicity looked at Thea in disbelief at what she was hearing coming from the younger girl’s mouth. “You expect me to apologize to Oliver?” She questioned incredulously.  

Thea, however, was insistent and didn’t seem to register that Felicity was becoming increasingly agitated. “You were really harsh and it wasn't necessary.” 

“Oh,  _ wow! _ ” Felicity laughed derisively. “Uncalled for? God, what happened to not taking sides?” She demanded, leveling Thea with a glare. “It sure as hell feels like you’re picking a side.”

“He’s my brother.” Thea defended, crossing her arms over her chest.  

Sara leaned forward in her seat. “Felicity..-”

Felicity held her hand up to Sara. “Just  _ stop. _ ” she shot her a glare, her jaw clenching unable to keep quiet any longer. “You’ve been on Oliver’s side since he got back.” She looked at each of them, a look full of frustration and anger. “Almost all of you have and then you pretend like you haven’t picked a side but you have.”  She stood up angrily, pushing away from the table unable to keep sitting there with them, feeling like they were outright attacking her because she didn’t welcome Oliver back with open arms and let him have his way. “I’m tired of having to defend myself to all of you when I was the one who was hurt most by his selfish actions to just pick up and leave. ” 

Thea reared back, “That isn’t how it ha-"

“That’s exactly what happened!” Felicity cut her off angrily. “He left me alone in my grief. And you expect me to just forgive him and pick right back up before the accident. But that’s not possible. If the only reason either of you wants to get lunch with me is to talk about Oliver then don’t even bother because I do not want to hear it!”

Felicity’s chair scraped against the ground as she pushed it away, storming off, leaving a stunned Thea and Sara in her wake. 

* * *

“She just blew up. I don’t understand..” Sara shook her head, she had found her way to Laurel's after parting ways with Thea, telling her sister what had happened at lunch. “I thought she was  finally doing better.”

“Clearly not.” Laurel pursed her lips. “She’s taking everything out on Oliver and everyone like it’s their fault.” She didn’t understand how Felicity could fall so far from the person she used to be. Someone who was kind and forgiving and who loved Oliver with every part of her. 

“But it’s not.” Argued Sara, what happened wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was tragic. That was all. It was all just so unbelievably tragic. “It feels like she’s pushing us away again. Like before.” Like when it all happened and Felicity had closed herself off.  

“She’s acting out and we need to do something about it before she alienates everyone in her life. Oliver included.” Laurel started, a thoughtful look coming over her.   

“What are you suggesting?” Sara eyed her sister speculatively. 

“A therapist?” Laurel suggested. “Maybe she needs help that only a professional could give her.” 

“If Felicity was willing to see a therapist I think she would have been to seen one by now.” Sara said. Honestly, she thought Felicity could benefit from something like that. She was clinging so tightly to her grief and her anger, she was lashing out and pushing them away. Sara strongly believed Felicity was letting her past control her life. 

“But you’re not saying she shouldn’t see one?” asked Laurel, raising one perfect eyebrow in challenge.  

“I think Felicity has a hard time opening up to anyone let alone a stranger. I can’t.. I can’t even remember the last time she really opened up to me.” Sara admitted. It made her stomach twist that her own best friend refused to open up to her, no longer turned to her.

“I think our only option is an intervention.” Laurel pushed off from her couch and began pacing in front of the coffee table. “We need to make her realize the way she’s acting isn't doing anyone any favors. She needs to know there are more healthy ways to properly deal with her grief and move on.” Because how she was handling things now was not okay. She needed to accept that Oliver was hurting and her lashing out at him wasn’t helping either of them to heal.  

Sara frowned. She didn’t think there was a way to tell someone to grieve or move on but she also didn’t think they could just stand idly by while Felicity continued to spiral in her grief and anger. 

“Sara by doing this we’re helping her in the only way we can.” Laurel said, needing Sara to be on board with this, noting by the look on her sister’s face that she was uncertain. 

“Are you kidding me?” Tommy's voice sounded incredulous as he walked into the room, after overhearing them. He had returned home, Laurel had told him she wanted to go over some wedding plans. “After everything Felicity’s been through you think _ ambushing  _ her is helping her?” How could they not see that Felicity didn’t need her friends practically attacking her? She was dealing with enough as it was and suffering in silence instead of turning to the people who were supposed to be there for her because she didn’t trust they would be. 

“We have to do something, Tommy,” Laurel told him, looking at him in exasperation.  

“Yeah, we do.”  Tommy agreed strongly. “We can be there for her. She needs the people in her life to be there for her not tear her down at every turn.” He looked at her with a look that spoke volumes. “What is wrong with you?” Clearly, something was because this was no way to treat a friend in need of support. 

Laurel looked at him, opening and closing her mouth. Not knowing how to answer and not liking the way he was looking at her. Like she was the one in the wrong. 

Tommy shook his head, turning to Sara, giving her the same judging look. “And  _ you _ , you’re supposed to be her best friend.” 

“I am her best friend.” Sara protested, but she had no idea how else to get through to Felicity. What else could they do? 

“Then maybe you should start  _ acting  _ like it.” Tommy said vehemently. He didn’t wait for a response from either sister before walking back out of the room. This had to stop. They had to do better. He was done refusing to see how they wronged one of their closest friends. 

When the sound of the front door slamming echoed back to them, Sara and Laurel looked at each other. 

“What is with him?” Sara questioned. 

“I have no idea.” Laurel was completely thrown by Tommy’s recent behavior. She knew he felt bad for Felicity but he was starting to let it influence him too much.  

* * *

Oliver hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Donna’s words to him and wondered if she was right.

Was his mere presence in Felicity’s life making her miserable? Did he unintentionally cause her more pain, so much of it by coming back into her life? 

Was he being selfish? Was he only making things harder for her?

He came back here because he wanted his old life back. He wanted Felicity back and his life with her because he had never been happier than when he was with her. But if Felicity couldn’t say the same about him what right did he have to come back here and mess up her life. 

God, he disliked this person he was becoming. Felicity didn’t deserve this side of him. 

He needed to talk to someone. He needed to talk to Digg. He always knew how to help him.   

It was noon and he knew he could find Digg at their favorite gym around this time and with the thought of needing to talk to Digg, he left for the gym. 

Half an hour later found him at the gym with Digg, talking about his concerns regarding himself and Felicity. “You would tell me if I was the problem, wouldn’t you? I mean, you never had a problem doing so before.”

“This isn’t all on you, Oliver. Felicity, she’s not in a good place.” Responded Digg. He loved his sister but she had been in a dark place since she woke up in the hospital after the accident and hadn’t been able to pull herself back into the light since.  

Roy had been at the gym working out, he needed to get out some anger but when he saw Oliver walk in and joined Digg, he felt his anger resurfacing, his anger only flared up more when he overheard what was being said and he had heard just about enough. “And whose fault is that?!” he demanded angrily, looking at both of them with a look of pure unfiltered accusation. 

Oliver sighed, Roy had made it pretty clear how he felt about him at the Gala. “Let me guess this is somehow entirely my fault.” 

“It sure as hell isn’t Felicity’s,” Roy responded, stepping closer to them. “If you would have just acted like you had some damn balls instead of running away like a coward. Felicity wouldn’t have had to deal with everything on her own.” 

Digg shook his head, leveling Roy with one of his steady gazes. “Roy, you don’t understand how complicated-”

“Save it.” Roy cut him off he didn’t want to hear anything Diggle had to say. In his opinion, Diggle was just as bad as Oliver. “I don’t know whose worse you or him?” he shot a look at Digg a look full of nothing but accusation and judgment. 

Digg looked at him confounded. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re supposed to be Felicity’s  _ brother _ . You’re supposed to look after her, support her, be there for her. But you’re not.” He had come to think of Felicity as a sister in the time he has known her and he couldn’t possibly understand how her own brother could side with the person who abandoned her when she needed him the most. “You rather be there for your friend than be there for your family. Can’t you see how fucking messed up that is!” he demanded, growing angrier with every word he spoke. “Felicity deserves better from you. She deserved better from the both of you.” He looked at them with anger, he could feel it coursing through him. He knew if he didn’t leave now he would say or do something else. He would let his anger get the better of him and he knew for damn sure he would not apologize for whatever that might be. 

Roy shot them a look of disgust then walked away from them, leaving before his anger got the best of him and leaving behind a stunned Oliver and Diggle. 

Diggle watched him go, Roy’s words haunted him, ringing in his head and making him question his own actions. He hadn’t meant to choose sides but it was easier to support Oliver then accept his part in how Oliver and Felicity fell apart. 

He had been the one to suggest to Oliver for him to enlist after the accident. He had thought he was helping but maybe what he did was the exact opposite. Maybe he had only made things worse for his sister. 

Oliver expression fell as he really considered Roy’s words, leaving him questioning everything including what was the best thing he could do for Felicity even if it would be the opposite of why he came back.

Because Roy was right Felicity deserved better. Things between Felicity and him were so messed up and complicated but he still believed she deserved the best of everything. 

Clearly with who he was then and who he was now that wasn’t him. Maybe the best thing he could do for her was leave her be because he had no idea how to go about making up for something that was unforgivable, more so though, he had no right to ask Felicity for her forgiveness when he didn’t deserve it.  

* * *

Oliver found himself alone, staring at an empty shot glass after draining it, he pulled out his wallet, opening it and pulling out an old photo, staring at the smiling couple. His finger’s traced Felicity’s smiling laugh and he felt an ache in his chest at how happy she was, pure happiness shining brightly through her eyes.

He couldn’t remember the last time her eyes had shown so brightly or the last time she smiled so freely.

And to know he had played a part in ripping her happiness from her, that life, that brightness, that light that she embodied away was heart-wrenching, his stomach twisted in knots with guilt. 

His earlier encounter with Roy had him questioning his choices more so since he returned but when he had been leaving the gym and he had a bunch of paparazzi jamming microphones in his face and asking invasive questions about him and Felicity, if there was any truth to the latest article about what happened between him and Felicity at the gala. It had him questioning everything. 

He hadn’t known what they were talking about until he gotten home and looked it up. 

He always hated the paparazzi but he hated them even more now. He hated how his history with Felicity was out there for the whole world, what they went through. He hated how the media used the loss of his child and his failed relationship as cannon fodder. But what he hated the most was the way Felicity was ridiculed in the media, painted as some cold unfeeling ice-queen. 

The things said about her, ate at him, Felicity wasn’t a cold person. She wasn’t. He made her this way when he just left. He wanted so bad to fix things but every time he tried, he only made it worst, they ended up fighting and it brought out the worst in him. 

A person now that he was considering it, really thinking about it, he didn’t particularly like. It was no wonder Felicity wanted nothing to do with him and she shouldn’t. If he had any hopes of a reconciliation with Felicity he needed to make a change. He needed to be better. 

He needed to be someone who wouldn’t bail on Felicity when she needed him. Someone who could be her pillar when she needed someone to lean on. Someone who would support her, love her, be there for her. Someone who didn’t tear her life apart. 

He wanted to be someone who could make her happy.

* * *

Felicity had taken the rest of day off, her anger still simmering. Instead, she went home, opened a bottle of wine and sat on her couch, she called Carly to rant, who listened with an open ear.

When she had ended the call, it occurred to Felicity that Carly had become like her support system and it was nice to have that. In the beginning, she didn’t feel like she did but now she wished she had. She wished she would have reached out to Carly sooner. 

A knock sounded on her door, pulling her from her thoughts of how Carly had become more than just her sister-in-law but a close friend that she counted on and knew without question would be there, even if it was just to have someone listen as she vented her anger. 

She set her glass on the table and stood, walking to the door and pulled it open. Her eyes widened in surprise. “ _ Tommy _ ?"

“Is this a bad time?” Tommy asked when she made no move to invite him in.  

Felicity hadn’t been expecting him and was a little thrown by his visit. She shook her head. “No. Come in.” she stepped aside, opening the door wider.

Tommy stepped further inside Felicity’s home, glancing around briefly. “I can’t remember the last time I was here.” 

Felicity went to the living room, picking up her glass and her opened bottle of wine, carrying it to the kitchen. “Can I offer you a drink?” she asked, figuring it was the polite thing to do. She drained the rest of her glass and set it in the sink.  

Tommy followed her into the kitchen, watching as she put away the open bottle of wine. He thought it was odd for Felicity to be having a glass of wine in the afternoon but maybe she needed it. He couldn't blame her if she did, he probably would have buried himself in the bottom of a bottle if he had to deal with all the stuff she did on a daily basis. “Water’s fine,” he answered after a moment, shaking off his musing of Felicity's day drinking.  

Felicity opened her fridge, retrieving a bottle of water. She held it out to him and he accepted it with a nod of thanks. Felicity nodded but kept herself busy as silence filled the air. She moved about her kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee, turning and leaning against her counter to face him when she was done. "What brings you by?" she asked being the one to finally break the silence. 

Tommy was quiet for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face. “With the wedding coming up, it got me thinking about you and Oliver.” He said finally.  

Felicity felt her earlier ire rising once again at the mention of Oliver. If he was the reason Tommy was here than she didn’t want to hear any of it. “Look if this is you playing wingman for him or whatever I don’t want to hear it you can just get-” 

“That’s not what this is, I swear.” Tommy was quick to say. Oliver was not why he was here. He had something he wanted to get off his chest. Something he felt he should have done long before now. “Just hear me out.”

Felicity watched him closely, the honesty in his eyes, the almost imploring tone of his voice. She nodded slowly and motioned with her hand for him to continue as she leaned against the counter, sipping her coffee.  

Tommy let out a small sigh of relief. “Before Oliver just up and bailed on you, you guys were building your life together.” he paused, glancing down at his hand. "Now Laurel and I are building a life together.”  

Felicity couldn’t help but frown in confusion at the mention of him and Laurel not entirely sure where he was going with this. “I don’t see what that has to do with Oliver and I.” 

"The two of you were the whole reason I thought it was possible for me to have something like you guys used to have." Tommy glanced up at her sadly. “Laurel and I, we've been happy but we’ve also been really selfish.” Tommy shook his head, angry with himself when he really thought about it. None of them had any right to call themselves Felicity’s friends. At least not good ones. “I think we and I don’t just mean Laurel and myself, I mean everyone, we focused more on ourselves and we never took a moment to just check on you, how you were recovering. We should of did ask how you were dealing with everything, we should have helped you in anyway could,  but we didn’t. You went through something tragic and horrible and we couldn’t even be bothered to make sure you were okay.” Or at least healing. 

Felicity looked away from him. She hadn't expected this and she wasn't sure she was prepared to deal with the strong emotions this talk was causing her to feel. Denial seemed the better option. “It wasn’t your place.” 

“Of course it was!” Tommy said so vehemently that it brought Felicity’s gaze back to him. “We were supposed to be your friends, your  _ family _ and we let you go through this horrible experience alone because we didn’t know how to help you but that’s no fucking excuse. We should have been there for you.” 

Felicity shook her head, she expected Tommy to just let her sweep it under the rug because no one really wanted to own up to anything of the past few years. When she opened her door to Tommy, she didn’t think she’d be having a heart to heart with him in her kitchen. “Tommy-”

“Can you honestly say that if the situations were reversed that you would have done what we did?” Tommy cut her off gently. “No, you wouldn’t have because you're Felicity Smoak, the most compassionate person I’ve ever known. You would have done  _ everything _ you possibly could to help because that’s who you are and I  _ hate _ that we couldn’t do that for you.”

He hated that  _ he _ couldn’t do that for her when he knew somewhat of what she was going through. He had lost his mom at a young age and his dad had just up and abandoned him in the night, no explanation, no apologies, nothing. For two years and then he came back and acted as if the last few years never happened. He had never truly been able to forgive him for that. 

Tommy knew the situations were not the same and he couldn’t really compare it to what Felicity went through but they were similar in nature. He felt because of his own experience he should have been there for Felicity more than he had been.  

Felicity felt emotion fill her chest, her throat clogging with it, she swallowed hard against it.

“I’m sorry.” Tommy’s voice was filled with emotion and sincerity. “I don’t expect you to accept my apology or for it to erase the last few years that I’ve been a really  _ really _ crappy friend,” he swallowed tightly, guilt hitting him again. “but I hope you’ll let me make it up to you now by being here for you. I just want you to know that I don’t think for one second that Oliver’s pain trumps yours and I won’t disregard your feelings or dismiss them simply because he’s my best friend.” 

Felicity was finding it hard to believe that, it felt like whenever Oliver enter the equation anything she might have felt was dismissed. “And if I want to complain and rant about what a selfish dick he is?” She raised one eyebrow in challenge. 

“Rant away,” Tommy said without hesitation. “I’m here if you just want to get stuff off your chest, hell, you could even curse me for being a crappy friend. I won’t get mad.” 

“You’re not being a crappy friend now.” Felicity smiled softly in appreciation, his words and the sincerity in them making her want to believe he meant every word. 

“And I won’t be from now on.” Tommy promised. It was a promise he was making to not only her but himself as well. He wanted to be the kind of friend that could be counted on by not just Oliver but all his friends. Including Felicity. Especially Felicity. 

Felicity felt a wave of gratitude. “Are you hungry?” she asked, subtly changing the subject, ready for things to be less emotional, less heavy. She had enough of that for the day. 

“You can’t cook.” Tommy reminded with a teasing glint, hoping to lighten the mood.  

Felicity laughed, lightly. “No, but I can make a decent sandwich.”  

Tommy saw her offer for what it was. An olive branch, Felicity’s way of accepting his apology. “I can eat a sandwich.” 

“Good,” Felicity gave a small smile, going to her fridge and retrieving the items she would need to fix up a sandwich. 

Tommy moved around her kitchen, silently offering his help. A companionable silence fell over them as they made their sandwiches. 

They took a seat at her table across from one another when the task was completed. Felicity watched him for a moment as he took a bite of his sandwich, his apology still rung in her head. She reached her hand out to catch his attention just as he placed his sandwich back down. 

“You didn’t have to apologize to me but it was a damn good one. I..I really appreciate it.” Felicity hoped he could hear the sincerity in her words that she felt.  

Tommy nodded, offering a smile, though his eyes were more serious than he normally let himself be. “I just want you to know that I’m gonna be a better friend from now on.”

Felicity found herself smiling genuinely for what felt like the first time that day. “You already are.”       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave myself some Flommy feels with this chapter. Anyway, i hope you didn't completely hate it. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone whose, subscribed, left kudos or comments. 
> 
> I have no idea when I'll post the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, kudo's, any feedback is welcomed! I might continue this if anyone interested in reading more.


End file.
